The door opened to reveal his butler, Rhees. “Mr. Decker, there is a Lady Tinley calling for you. I have explained the family is in mourning and you are not at home, but she is being quite adamant in her desire to see you.”
Fuck.
One word. A violent, inward curse.
That was all Decker could think. It was as if his mind, already overwhelmed by the loss of his mother and the vast changes that had befallen him in the last few days, abandoned him. His capacity for speech briefly fled.
“Shall I have her discreetly removed, sir?” Rhees pressed. “She claims an old acquaintance, or I would not have disturbed you with such a nuisance.”
An old acquaintance.
Yes, they certainly had that.
But that wasallthey had.
He stared at Rhees, struggling to form his response. Part of him felt he ought to refuse her outright, to never see Nora again. But another part of him longed for the end of that once-painful chapter in his life. That part of Decker needed to sever the ties between them, finally and eternally. To let her know he was a happily married man, deliriously besotted with his wife. If he sent her away, she would only return. He had no wish for her to continue haunting him.
“You may see her to the salon,” he decided, for it was the only room in his townhome that had been decorated with visitors in mind. The pictures on the wall were pastoral. Unassuming.
Bloody hell, now that he thought upon it, he was going to have to remove his erotic collections from any room Lila may enter. It would hardly do for his innocent sister to wander into the library and observe an engraving of a man with his hand up a lady’s skirts.
Damn.
What was that old phrase, turning over a new leaf? That was what he was doing, in all ways. Becoming a version of himself he had never known existed.
Rhees bowed. “I will see her ladyship placed in the salon, sir.”
When his butler was gone, Decker stood, taking a second to collect himself. Grief still held him in its greedy grasp. He little desired further upset or discord, but he also felt that this unwanted meeting was something he must endure. If not for himself, then for Jo. He needed Nora to know there was no future for them. Not now, not ever.
He rose from his desk and made his way to the salon. Nora was already ensconced within. Her back was to him when he entered, but he still recognized her silhouette, even ten years on. Not much had changed and yet, for him, everything had. Her brilliant red hair was piled on her crown in a simple style, and her gown was outmoded in shape—quite frumpy, notournure—and clearly of inferior construction.
It was…shabby, hardly the dress one would expect a viscountess to wear. But then, Tinley was not a lord with whom Decker was familiar. He had likely been a country fellow, perhaps lean in the purse. And Nora was a widow now, he reminded himself, which would also explain her modest dress. Her portion must be relatively small.
Was that her reason for seeking him out then, he wondered, after all this time? She was out of her mourning period and in need of coin?
When she did not seem to hear his arrival, he cleared his throat.
She spun about, facing him at last. Her face, too, was the same. Rounder now, and less girlish than she had been ten years before when they had both been eighteen. But still, the same. It struck him now, as he looked upon her, that he had once imagined her the most glorious creature he had ever beheld and yet, her beauty was a pale imitation of Jo’s. From the inside, out.
“Eli,” she said, rushing toward him as if she expected him to take her in his arms.
He held up a staying hand lest she rush too near. “Lady Tinley,” he acknowledged with a mocking bow. “Why have you come?”
She faltered, stopping just short of him, her countenance pinching with confusion. “I have come to see you, of course, Eli. Do you not remember me? I—why, I sent you a letter a bit ago, before I returned to Town.”
“I received your letter,” he told her, “but it was unwelcome. As is your visit now.”
She paled, reaching out for him, her hand falling upon his coat sleeve. “Eli, please. I know you are angry with me, and I cannot blame you. It has been ten years, after all. Ten long, lonely years. Please believe me when I tell you not a day passed when I did not long for you.”
He jerked his arm from her touch. “You are out of bounds, madam, and I must ask you to go. I am a married man, and I cannot think my wife would take kindly to the nature of this visit. Nor do I, for that matter. You have no place here or in my life.”
“I love you,” she said, desperation ringing in her voice. “I loved you ten years ago when I agreed to be your wife, and I have never stopped. I regret listening to my father. I should have gone against his wishes and married you instead of Lord Tinley. Eli, if you knew how terribly I suffered these last nine years…I was shackled to a monster. But he is gone now. It is not too late for us. I had to see you, to tell you. Surely you understand. I had no choice then, but I have a choice now.”
Decker stared at the woman he had thought he had loved.
Hell, he had been a lad of eighteen. What had he known then of life, of the world, of anything at all?Bloody nothing.That was what he had known. Nora’s defection and betrayal ten years ago had shaped his life. He had believed himself incapable of love because of her actions.
Yet, as she stood before him now, an astonishing sense of clarity overcame him.
