Even as soused as he was, Sin bloody well knew whatanother form of distractionwas at the Black Souls. He had not forgotten. A woman, for his pleasure. Warm, soft lips on his cock. Or something more. Bindings. Birches. Once upon a time, he had experienced all the depravities this club had to offer.
Why the devil was he here now?
Ah, yes. He had been looking for Decker in the wake of the realization his wife was going to have his child. He had been in need of support. Commiseration.Hell, anything. But Decker had not been at home. Instead, he had been at the club—one of the many businesses Decker owned.
And so, Sin had come here. Because he had been lost in a vast sea. Because he had not known where else to go. Because discovering his wife was carrying his child had rocked him, shaken him. Dinner had been a bleak affair as she had still been feeling unwell. She had gone to sleep in her own bed for the first time since their marriage had begun.
Alone.
At her request.
And no matter how much he told himself he should not mind, that his objective had been achieved, that he could now carry on his life as he once had, he could not deny the truth: he did not want to.
“Sin?” Decker prodded, breaking up his whirling thoughts. “Another whisky? Some quim?”
“Do I look like I need more whisky?” he asked his friend. “Or anything else, for that matter?”
“You look like shite,” Decker told him, unrepentant. “But you have been a boring, married chap, shagging your wife silly every night. If you are here at the Black Souls, especially after receiving such happy news, I can only assume you have come to your senses and you are once more ready to throw yourself into my den of iniquity.”
“No petticoats,” Sin grumbled, for the notion did nothing for him. Not even a twitch of his cock. Rather, it made his stomach churn and bile rise in his throat. “And do not speak of my wife, lest I be forced to plant you a facer.”
There was only one woman for him now.
What ifsheno longer wantsyou?
He told the insidious voice to go to the devil and banished it.
“I ought to call for the books and memorialize this occasion, the Earl of Sinclair turning down a tumble,” Decker said, grinning.
“Go to the devil,” he returned. But, if he were honest, he would admit the nettling brought to life his old demons, mingling with the new.
Even in his inebriated state, Sin knew his friend’s mockery was well-intentioned. It was a joke, a lark, not at all biting. Not meant to cut him to the marrow. And yet, it did. He had read every word ofConfessions of a Sinful Earl. And each one of them returned to him now. All the ugly accusations, the hideous representation of himself. What if that was what his wife still believed of him? His reputation had been wicked before she had started her serials, and there was no denying it. Not without reason.
An endless onslaught of questions rained down upon him.
What if, now that she was possibly carrying his heir, she intended to put up a wall between them? What if tonight was just the beginning? What if their child was stillborn? What if Callie died in childbirth?
The thought of a life without his fiery, beautiful, dark-haired wife with the honey-and-chocolate eyes was impossible. Unacceptable. He could not bear to lose her, now that he had her. Over the course of the last month, everything he had never believed possible of changing…had.
And so had Sin, along with it.
“Why are you here, old chap?” Decker asked, his tone softening, marked with concern.
Decker rarely showed emotion. But he was the closest Sin had to a brother. Their friendship was old and deep. It spanned years. They were both pariahs in their own way. Always had been. Perhaps, even, always would be.
Sin sighed and blurted the words that had been doing their damnedest to escape him all night. The whisky he had consumed finally made it easier. “I think I am in love with her.”
Decker whistled. “Good God, I was right. Youhaveread the serials, have you not?”
He rubbed his jaw. “Of course I have.”
“And youdoknow she is a wrongheaded, vindictive bitch? One who believed you capable of committing murder and made certain the rest of the world did as well?”
Sin winced. “She was wrong about me, but I cannot entirely blame her. I hardly have the reputation of an angel. Be fair warned, however. If you ever dare to refer to her thus again, I will beat you to a fucking pulp, Decker.”
“Not in your current state,” his friend pointed out.
True.
