Sadly, he was not nearly as nefarious as she apparently believed, for he had done nothing of the kind. The broken axle was fortuitous, however, as it would prolong the amount of time before she was once more reunited with her lover.
The thought had him taking a step back and putting some distance between them once more. “I did not tamper with the carriage, darling. Despite what you would like to think of me, I am not a conscienceless monster.”
“Just a disloyal one, then.” She stared at him, unsmiling.
The afternoon had been warm, and the evening was not nearly as stifling. However, the air was still humid, alight with the promise of summer. She was flushed, her cheeks blossoming a delicate pink, and he could not help but to wonder if she was overheated because of the temperature or because of her nearness to him.
Lord knew the combination of her stocking-clad legs and her lush body against his had his cock twitching to life. Until he remembered her accusation.
Yet again.
“How many times must I tell you I did not bed Lady Billingsley before you believe me?” he demanded.
“I will never believe you,” she said bitterly, giving voice to one of his greatest fears. “I saw you kissing her, Needham. She was in your bed. You were not wearing a stitch of clothing. Her hand was upon your—”
“Enough,” he interrupted, holding up a staying hand. “Damn it, I know what you saw. What I am telling you—what I have always told you—is that what you saw and what is the truth are two separate bloody things. I was asleep in my bed. So deep in my cups I was seeing double. I woke to a woman in my bed, and I thought it was you.”
The color in her cheeks heightened. “Am I so indistinguishable from other females that you cannot tell the difference?”
It was the same argument of three years ago. The same as hours before, too.
He removed his hat, all but crushing it in his hand. “Of course you are not. You are incomparable, Nell. You always have been, and you always will be. There is no other like you. Do you not think I tried to forget about you? Three years with nary a word from you, three years of keeping my distance, giving you time to heal as you had asked, even as word reached me of your endless parties and your string of lovers, and still I could not forget you. I could not replace you, and so I did not even try. Because there is only oneyou.”
He stopped himself before he said more, aware his voice was trembling and he had already revealed far too much. He had promised himself he would not be vulnerable to her. That he would proceed with calm rather than wounded rage. That he would take a different approach. Nell was like a wild horse that needed to be slowly tamed. And yet one day back in her presence, and he was falling into the same old patterns.
What was the matter with him? Had he not learned anything in his time away?
Nell was staring at him now, lower lip quivering, her countenance stark. “If I truly believed any of that, I would be a bigger fool than you are, Needham.”
And then she turned on her heel and began stalking away from him.
Vexing woman.
Defiant creature.
Beautiful, dazzling, reckless, wounded angel.
She was all of those things. And he had underestimated how badly he would want her. How much being in her presence would affect him. Time had a way of fooling a man into believing he was healed.
But now, he knew just how very wrong he had been.
He stalked after her just the same, admiring the flounce of her skirts as she moved in the direction of the rapidly disappearing silhouette of Gibbons. He caught her in three strides, and he took her elbow, forcing her to halt and face him.
“Believe what I am telling you, Nell,” he told her then, taking a chance. “You asked me why I have returned. There are many reasons. I never should have stayed away as long as I did, but I thought that the day would come when you would respond to my letters, asking for me to return. When you at last replied only to ask me for a divorce, I realized just how wrong I had been, about everything. I cannot forgive myself for what happened that night. For kissing her back. For becoming so sotted that I could not even discern my wife from another woman in my bed. If you hate me for what happened that night, rest assured your loathing pales in comparison to my own. But I did not make love to her.”
She shook her head. “You are lying. Afterward, I heard from other ladies who told me of your flirtatious ways. Countless ladies who you asked to join you in bed. All while professing to love me. Do you think me stupid? Do you?”
“Tell me their names,” he demanded. “They are lying, every bloody one of them. I was true to you, Nell. Aside from kissing Lady Billingsley that night, I have never kissed another since the night we met. Can you say the same?”
He knew she could not.
But her sudden pallor filled him with ice, all the same. “You expect me to believe you have been celibate as a monk the entire time you were traveling the world, writing your travel reminiscences?”
He ground his molars. “Yes, I do. Because it is the truth, Nell.”
“The truth according to you.” She jerked her elbow from his grasp and resumed walking.
“It.Is.The. Truth.” He bit out each word as he followed. Damn her, why did she have to be so bloody wrongheaded? So determined to believe him a heartless scoundrel?
