She had fallen in love with such ease, she had not realized it was happening until it was too late to stop her feelings. But of course she had. He had done nothing but care for her and fret over her from the first. He was a wonderful father. Watching him with Verity had opened her eyes to a new, previously unseen facet of his personality.
She could not pinpoint now, as she sat there in the rumpled bed that still smelled of him and their lovemaking, when it had happened. Perhaps the fall had been gradual, a natural progression beginning from the day he had swept her from the ballroom at Mr. Saville’s and had proposed his wager with her. Certainly, it had been finalized the moment she had watched him chasing after his daughter, laughing with her.
And she loved his daughter too.
She saw in Verity not the daughter she had lost but a sweet girl with her father’s eyes. A young lady with an impish smile and a clever mind, but who was desperate to have a mother in her life. Johanna knew the feeling, because she was desperate to be a mother. Desperate for the only role she had never been fortunate enough to play twice.
She blinked back tears and threw the covers away from her, only belatedly recalling she was nude when cool morning air hit her. The fire which had been stoked the night before was nothing but a gentle glow on the opposite end of the room. She looked about for her dressing gown and found it with some difficulty, for it was not where she had discarded it in her mad rush to make love with Felix.
Johanna took a deep breath and shoved her arms through the sleeves of her robe with shaking hands. She could not dwell upon these unwanted emotions roiling through her. She did not belong here. Not beneath this roof, not in Felix and Verity’s gilded world, not even in this city, this country.
And every minute she tarried put the people she loved at risk of Drummond’s wrath.
Resolutely, she walked to the dresser where a basin and pitcher sat. She poured some cool water into the bowl and splashed it on her face, seeking to calm her rioting emotions. The first splash was a jolt to her senses. The second was almost calming. The third was necessary to stave off a rush of tears.
She closed her eyes, hunched over, her face dripping, the sleeves of her dressing gown damp reproaches against her wrists. She would have to leave this morning. Say goodbye to the little family she had just come to know and love. Goodbye to Felix and Verity.
But she had loved and lost before.
She could survive this, she told herself. Because shehadto survive it. For Felix’s and Verity’s sakes.
Besides, even if she lingered, there was no future for her here. She would not be the secret he kept tucked away in this home, waiting until he replaced her with another. She had meant what she had told him what seemed a lifetime ago now. She would not be a kept woman. Not anyone’s, but most especially not his.
“The news isnot good, I am afraid,” the Duke of Arden told Felix the moment he had entered the townhome’s small library later that morning, his expression grave.
“You have spoken with Ravenhurst,” Felix guessed.
Arden nodded. “He is refusing to make a concession for Miss McKenna.”
Raking a shaking hand through his hair, he paced away from Arden.Bloody hell, this was not what he wanted to hear. Not what he needed to hear, especially after last night.
“Why not?” he demanded, turning back to the duke.
Waking to Johanna in his arms had been nothing short of miraculous. He could still feel the sweet warmth of her curves, her bare skin pressing against his. For the first time in years, he had felt a connection with a woman that was deeper than desire. It was real and true, pounding through him.
He had vowed to protect her, and protect her he would. Because she was the woman he loved.
“Ravenhurst’s division has been watching her since her arrival in Liverpool,” Arden explained, his voice somber.
“I know all that,” Felix said dismissively. “I am the one who alerted the department of her impending arrival. I am the one who arranged the whole damned thing.”
And he felt sick over it now.
He felt as if he had betrayed her. Which was impossible, because he had not known her then. But he knew her now. As intimately as a man could know a woman.
“Ravenhurst tells me they saw her exchanging a parcel with another known Fenian they have been surveilling,” Arden continued then.
Fear knifed into him, along with the icy claws of dread.Damnation, the meeting he had witnessed that day in the Royal Aquarium. He had not seen any signs of her having been followed. But if the man she had met with was being watched, it stood to reason she would have been seen as well.
“She did meet with a Fenian,” he agreed slowly, “but this, too, was at her brother’s behest. She copied the entire contents of the package before turning the parcel over to the man.”
“Christ, I was hoping you would tell me Ravenhurst was bluffing.” Arden scrubbed his hand along his jaw in agitation. “This is not good, Winchelsea. Not good at all.”
He could see, of course, where Arden was coming from.Hell, he could see where Ravenhurst was coming from. It all must look quite damning.
But it was not.
He knew it was not.
