Yes, she had, to her everlasting shame. But she was no match for the Earl of Hertford’s mouth or his knowing hands. How quickly she had fallen beneath his thrall. How easily he had manipulated her, wooed her. Tricked her into believing, for a desperate moment, everything he had told her was real.
That he wanted to marry her not because of her fortune, but because he cared for her. Because he wanted her. How wrong she had been.
“I am sorry,” she said, lowering her gaze to her lap, where her fingers were clenching her skirts so tightly, her knuckles had gone white. “I betrayed your trust, and I have brought shame upon you and my sisters. You were so good to do your utmost to restore my reputation after the lies Cunningham spread. I did not deserve your kindness before, and I do not deserve it now.”
“Nonsense,” Emilia said firmly. “You have a good heart, Eugie Winter, and you deserve every kindness. You also deserve happiness. You deserve to claim your place in society. You can do that now, and you will spare yourself and your sisters both.”
“By marrying him,” Eugie surmised. “But I cannot do that, Emilia. He arranged for us to be seen. I know he did—only think of it, we were interrupted by his friend and his friend’s mother and her bosom bow. He had been asking me to marry him for days, and I had told him I would not.”
“Why did you refuse him?” her sister-in-law asked.
“Because I do not dare trust him, for fear he will break my heart,” she admitted, biting her lip to stave off a rush of humiliating tears she had no wish to indulge.
Yes, there it was. The bitter, awful truth. She had fallen in love with the Earl of Hertford. Cam. The man who kissed her so sweetly, who had made love to her with such tenderness. The man she had been drawn to from the moment they had danced together at the welcome ball.
The man she could not shake.
She loved him. But she was terrified he did not love her in return. Fearful he only wanted her fortune, which he freely admitted he needed to save himself from ruin.
“Why would he break your heart?” Emilia’s shrewd voice cut through her wild thoughts.
“I have fallen in love with him,” she whispered. “But I have already been deceived and hurt badly by another. I did not love the baron, and I know that now. But if I were to discover Cam only wanted to marry me to avail himself of my fortune, I… I do not think I could bear it.”
“Eugie,” her sister-in-law pressed softly. “I understand all too well how you feel. Love is terrifying. It is like a massive beast, holding us in its grasp, with the power to keep us safe or crush us in equal measure. When I fell in love with your brother, I was fearful too. I ran from him, because running was easier than facing the way I felt.”
The love her brother and his wife shared was undeniable. The way they looked at each other was enough to warm her heart and to make her yearn for that same powerful connection. But Cam had never spoken one word of love to her. Nor did she expect him to, especially after the farce he had arranged earlier.
“It is different for you and Dev,” she insisted. “You are both desperately in love with each other.
“I believe you and the earl are in love with each other too,” Emilia said then. “I selected the guests for this house party with great care, doing my best to find gentlemen I believed could make good matches with you. Lord Hertford’s reputation, aside from today’s indiscretion, is impeccable. You could do no better. I also suspect he is in love with you, my dear. Otherwise, he would never behave in such a reckless fashion.”
“He would if he wanted my share of the Winter wealth,” she argued, mulish.
“If that were true, he could have compromised you immediately. He could have arranged for such a tableau when he first kissed you,” her sister-in-law returned. “He could have left you without a choice well before now.”
As Emilia’s words took root in her mind, some of the anger she had been harboring toward Cam abated. He had been giving her a choice, had he not? Emilia was right. He could have forced her hand when he had first kissed her. Or later, when he had made love to her. He could have gone to Dev and revealed everything, leaving her with one option to save herself.
He had never hidden the truth about his debts. Indeed, he had always been open and honest about them. And whilst he had been asking her to marry him at every step of the way, he had always accepted her denial.
What if he had not arranged for them to be discovered earlier at all? What if he had been every bit as shocked at the interruption as she had been? What if she had been wrong about him, just as he had once been wrong about her?
“You have much to think about,” Emilia added gently. “This is not a matter of the next day or the next week. This is a matter of the rest of your life. I have spoken with your brother, and he is adamant that the choice must be yours and yours alone. He will not pressure you to accept Hertford’s offer of marriage, and neither shall I.”
“His offer of marriage?” she repeated. “Has he… He has gone to Dev, then?”
Lady Emilia nodded. “Of course he has. Your brother was furious when he heard the news. An interview was in order. You must have expected as much.”
She supposed she had, but somehow not as quickly as it had occurred. In the aftermath of her recklessness, she had been bustled from the chamber, separated from Cam as if she were kindling and he the flame and everyone feared they would burst into a raging fire at any second.
“I have never been truly ruined before,” she said at last, attempting levity. “Merely rumored to have been. I was not certain how such matters work.”
“Lord Hertford wishes an audience with you now, and Dev and I are willing to allow it,” Emilia surprised her by saying. “The door will remain ajar, and we will be near enough that if either one of you so much as coughs, we shall hear it. But this matter must be settled, and it must be done today. Tarrying much longer will only bring scandal down upon the both of you. Aylesford will not speak, and he assures me his mother shall not either, but the Marchioness of Heath will not be so generous.”
Eugie swallowed. Cam wanted to speak with her. Now.
She was not sure she was ready to face him yet. Her armor was not in place. And she was confused. So terribly confused. “I do not know what to do,” she confessed to her sister-in-law.
“Follow your heart,” Emilia told her. “Trust it to make the right choice.”
