She wished he would cease stalking about and sit down to engage in a civilized discourse, but this was Julian, and he was a law unto himself. Alexandra sighed. “Please do calm yourself, brother dearest. You are hollering so loudly that I have no doubt the gossipmongers can hear you in London.”
“They will have already heard by now anyway thanks to the accommodating tongue of the Duchess of Cartwright,” he snapped. “Have you any idea the hounds of hell you have just unleashed upon us all? That woman is the most notorious gossip in theton. Have no doubt that she will take everything she witnessed today straight to the waiting ears of anyone who will listen. You have ruined yourself before you have even made your bloody curtsy.”
When he phrased it that way, she supposed she ought to be concerned. But his dire words prompted no such sentiment. Indeed, she felt nothing more than a buoying sense of relief, for her unprecedented reaction to Lord Harry aside, she did not want to wed. “She may tell anyone she likes anything she desires. I have no wish to marry anyone, Julian, and I have been telling you so for months now.”
“Nonsense,” he said curtly, pinning her with a bright-blue glare. “You are too damn young to know what you want. When the time comes, you will wish for a man who loves you, for a marriage and children.”
Her sister-in-law Clara was increasing, and Alexandra was reasonably certain impending fatherhood was rotting her brother’s brain. “I do not need a man who loves me or marriage and children to satisfy me. I am a woman of science. I can be happy as I am, studying the weather and drafting my prognostics map.”
Julian’s strides ate up the distance between them until he towered over her. “Apparently not, sister dearest, else you would not have been acting with such rash disregard for propriety in a carriage with Lord Harry. I will own the blame for your moral failings, since God knows I’ve more than my fair share. It cannot have been easy having me for a brother. But by God, Alexandra, this sort of thing…it is beyond the pale, and the only way it can be rectified is through marriage.”
She stilled, for she did not care for the sudden trajectory of their conversation. “Marriage?”
Her brother’s expression hardened. “I did not wish this for you, but I’m afraid you’ve left me with no choice. You must wed Lord Harry. After I deliver a sound trouncing to him, of course.”
Alexandra shot from her seat. “There will be no marriage and there will be no trouncing, Julian. I will not be forced into a lifelong sentence with a man I scarcely know.”
Julian’s gaze was harsh, his jaw hard. “You damn well should have considered your lack of acquaintance before allowing him liberties.”
Shame curdled her stomach. She still did not know what madness had overcome her. Had it been the dizzying sense that she and Lord Harry were the only two people in the world for that brief interlude in the carriage with snow falling all around them? Had it been the false sense of freedom afforded her by dressing as a man?
She reached for her brother’s arm, laying a staying hand upon it and absorbing the tenseness in his bearing. “I am sorry, Julian. It was not my intention to cause such a kerfuffle.”
“This is not a kerfuffle, Alexandra.” His voice remained curt, his expression impassive. The pensive man before her was not the warmhearted, yielding brother she knew. “This is a scandal in the making, the life-altering sort which neither you nor I nor Josephine can afford. And I have not even begun to address the matter of your thievery.”
She bit her lip. “What you call thievery I prefer to think of as well-intentioned borrowing.”
“Semantics,” he hissed, refusing to bend. “Damn it, you cannot run about the grounds of the Duke of Bainbridge’s estate wearing clothes you stole from me, and you most certainly cannot closet yourself in an enclosed carriage with his brother and allow the bastard to dishonor you.”
Well. When he phrased her actions in such succinct fashion, she could not offer an argument, could she? It was all true. She was a horrid sister. Julian was in the midst of polishing his tarnished reputation with Clara at his side, and her younger sister Jo could also be tainted by her carelessness.
If only Julian and the other guests had not chosen to venture into the snow for an ice-skating party. As if such a thing was to be even entertained in such a downfall…
She relented, the severity of her actions hitting her with the force of a smack to the cheek. Julian was correct. The gathering may be a relatively intimate one by country house party standards, and the Christmas season may be one of gaiety and frivolity, but shehadbeen caught wearing men’s clothing while sitting upon the lap of Lord Harry Marlow, who had been doing an admirable job of ravishing her mouth.
Her lips still tingled to think of those kisses, which had been nothing short of wondrous. And her breasts, oh how they ached with a strange new need at the memory of his thumbs working over her nipples. She had not known her flesh could be brought to life in such a fashion. For the whole of her days, she had believed her body to be a thing of utility, each part crafted for a specific purpose. Her mouth to obtain sustenance, her breasts to feed a babe one day should she have one, her legs to enable her to walk, her ears to hear, etcetera.
But Lord Harry Marlow had proven her wrong with one stolen interlude in a carriage, and now she could not seem to quell the fever he had given her.
This would not do. She took a deep, fortifying breath and focused on the most troubling aspect of her indiscretions. “I am wholeheartedly sorry if my actions cause harm to you or Josephine in any fashion, Julian. You must believe it is the last thing I would ever wish. I love you both, and I would never intentionally hurt either of you.”
“Then you will marry Lord Harry, and the sooner the better,” came her brother’s frosty, unwanted response.
“He has not offered for me,” she protested.
Julian flashed a chilling smile. “I will assist him in rectifying that matter.”
“No violence,” Alexandra was compelled to order him. “Please. And moreover, I do not wish to marry.”
Julian sighed then, passing a hand over his face. The gesture left him looking weary and resigned. “You forfeited your choice in the matter when you went into that carriage, Lex. It’s my duty as your brother to see this through now.”
Panic sliced through her, dispelling the ridiculous flights of fancy that sought to dwell upon the way Lord Harry made her feel. She clutched her brother’s sleeve ever tighter. “Please, Julian. You cannot mean to force me.”
He covered her hand, his countenance turning grim. “There will be no need to force you. You will do what you must to preserve your good name and keep from harming Josephine’s chances for a future match both. Return to your chamber now, and I will meet with Lord Harry.”
The panic turned to dread and then an icy sense of understanding and impending doom. Julian was right. If Lord Harry offered for her, she would have no choice but to accept his hand and marry a man she scarcely knew.
“No fisticuffs, Julian,” she begged. “Please.”
Her brother raised a haughty brow. “I make no promises on that score. If the man requires a thrashing, then a thrashing he shall receive.”
“But it is Christmastime, and we are guests of the duke. Surely it would be ill-mannered of you to pummel his brother into wedding me?” she pressed, unable to adhere to his wishes and disappear until she had reassurance. The thought of Julian and Lord Harry facing each other like a pair of pugilists disturbed her.
Julian shook his head, his expression revealing nothing. “No more protests, imp. Go to your chamber. You’ve caused enough troubles to last us for the next five Yuletides at least.”
Yes, she supposed she had. Feeling suddenly as weary as her brother looked, she yielded. As she took her leave of the chamber, a new determination soared through her. She would find a way to extricate herself from this mess. A way that did not involve a hasty marriage to Lord Harry Marlow.
For as lovely as his kisses were and as maddening as his caresses, she had matters to concern her that were of far greater import than any gentleman could ever be. She had no wish to be tied down and married to any man. Some time ago, she had decided to devote herself to two causes: gaining the vote and science. Her actions today had been an aberration.
One she had no intention of repeating.
