He stalked back to his carriage, weighed down by more questions.
What the bloody hell was Edward doing back in London?
It seemed he would need to locate his brother and find out. But first, he needed to return to Clara. Before he did anything else, he needed to make certain that she was removed from all harm, by whatever means necessary.
Clara was waiting for Julian in his study when he returned. He strode in, his expression troubled, looking so unfairly virile and handsome that he made her ache despite the anger trapped inside her. She’d been pacing the threadbare carpet but halted at his entrance, every part of her body attuned to him with razor precision. The mere sight of him made heat sluice through her, pooling in a steady ache between her thighs.
But no. She mustn’t allow the way he made her feel to inhibit this audience. She wouldn’t allow him to send her away from his life. They could damn well face the danger together. She wanted to be by his side or nowhere else.
“My lady.” He came to her, taking her cold hands in his, that glacial blue gaze skating over her, lingering on the bruises that Anderson had taken pains to hide with a high-necked gown and some pearl powder. “How are you this morning?”
She knew he asked after her physical wellbeing, but bruises would heal far easier than hearts ever could. “Not well.”
His jaw tensed. “Are you in pain? What did Dr. Redcay say?”
“I didn’t see the doctor. My only interest was in seeing you.” Clara searched his gaze. “I’m not going back to my father’s house, Julian.”
“Yes, damn it, you are,” he growled. “You’re not safe here. That much was amply demonstrated last night.”
Her lips tightened. If he wanted to be stubborn, she could outmatch him any day. “I won’t leave you. Do whatever you must to ensure my safety here. I’ll keep my pistol beneath my pillow. Station a footman by my door. I don’t care. Only don’t send me away.”
“Listen to me.” His voice was low and intense, his face a mask of cold determination. “There is no way in hell I will allow you to be in further danger because of me. Someone is trying to kill me, and he’s so desperate to get to me that he targeted you as well. I’ve made arrangements with your father. You and my sisters will be going to him this afternoon. He’ll arrange passage for you to Virginia as soon as possible. And you’ll go, goddamn it. You’ll go and forget all about me.”
“Forget about you?” The anger swirling through her froze. Her stomach felt as if it bottomed out. “What are you saying, Julian?”
He released her hands and stalked away from her, going to a decanter and pouring himself an ample amount of whisky before tossing it back and pinning her with a dispassionate look. “It’s over, Clara. We’ll have the marriage annulled. You’ll be free to return to the land that you love unencumbered. I’ll transfer your dowry to you. You’ll want for nothing.”
His words tumbled through her, clawed at her insides along with the icy fingers of shock.It’s over. Annulled. Unencumbered. You’ll want for nothing.He didn’t just intend to send her to her father’s home for her safety. He meant to leave her. To force her to leave him.
She swallowed, her mouth suddenly going dry. “All that I want is you, Julian. I don’t want an annulment. I don’t even want to return to Virginia unless it’s with you by my side.”
He tossed back another swallow of liquor, staring at her. “I’m doing you a favor, little dove.” His tone gentled. “One day, you’ll thank me for it. You don’t belong here, and you don’t belong with someone like me. This is for the best.”
How utterly highhanded and wrong of him. She closed the distance between them, not liking the gulf it seemed to create, and didn’t stop until her skirts brushed his trousers and she could see the shadows beneath his eyes and the whiskers shading his cheeks. He wasn’t as unaffected as he pretended.
“You’re wrong,” she told him. “With you is precisely where I belong. I’m not going. Whatever danger there is lurking out there, we’ll face it together. We’ll find out who is responsible.”
He took another draught of whisky, draining the glass before depositing it on the side table with a loud clunk. “Ah, little dove. I warned you against mistaking lust for something more, did I not?”
It was as if the caring, passionate husband of last night had been replaced by a bloodless stranger. Her heart gave a pang in her chest. “Don’t do this, Julian.” She was not above begging, not when it came to this man, the man she loved. “Don’t try to push me away in some misplaced sense of keeping me safe.”
“Don’t you see?” He skimmed his fingers over her jaw, down her throat. “We will never suit. I can’t give you my heart because I don’t bloody well have one, and a woman like you deserves nothing less. I brought all this on myself, and I’ll face it as I must. I won’t allow my darkness to sully you or put you in danger for one moment more.”
“No.” She shook her head, refusing to listen, refusing to give a modicum of credence to his words. “It is you who doesn’t see, Julian. I love you.”
If her revelation affected him, he didn’t show it. His gaze became shuttered. “I was fourteen years old when Lady Esterly propositioned me. My mother had passed on earlier in the year after giving birth to Josephine and my father had just died. I was only sorry for the death in that it saddled me with all his debts. He loved gambling, whoring, and drinking almost as much as he loved beating me, you see. Not much to be missed. Lady Esterly approached me at the old bastard’s funeral. Her husband, Lord Esterly, was one of my father’s friends. She wanted me to fuck her. Offered me money. Do you know what I did, Clara?”
Her heart ached for the young man he must have been. So terribly young. To have had a father who beat him instead of loving him and left him swimming in debt, to have felt he had no recourse other than sacrificing himself. “You don’t need to tell me this, Julian. You were just a boy, and that awful woman preyed on you, abusing your innocence and vulnerability. Regardless, your past doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“But I do need to tell you.” His face came closer to hers as he took her chin in his thumb and forefinger and held her there, trapped as any butterfly pressed to a pin board. “You need to hear this, to understand what I am. Who I am. I fucked her, Clara. I accepted the money. I became a whore that day. And that’s how I’ve lived my life ever since, servicing widows and unhappy wives for money. I’ve fucked so many women I lost count. I haven’t a bloody clue how many enemies I’ve made over the years. It could be any cuckolded man in London trying to kill me. Do you understand?”
He felt responsible for the attack. That was what she understood. And fear was making him build walls between them that should never exist. Her hand closed over his. “I understand more than you know.”
He tore his hand from hers. Anger emanated from him in almost tangible waves. “Then for Christ’s sake, don’t throw your love away on a man like me. I’m not worth it, goddamn you. Go to Virginia. You’ll be safe there. Find a good man, one who’ll make you a decent husband, one who’s deserving of you.”
“I don’t want another man. I want you.” She placed a hand on his arm, feeling the tenseness of his muscled flesh even through his coat. “I love you, Julian.”
He shrugged away from her touch and clamped his hands on her waist, setting her away from him as if she were a flame that had burned too near. “But I don’t want you. I don’t love you. I’m not capable.”
