Tick. Tick. Tick.
Like something bad is coming, and I have no idea how to stop it.
I can’t focus.
I can’t breathe right.
I feel completely fucking useless out there, just holding it together by a thread.
Somehow, the guys manage to keep the puck out of our net, and Nik and Mickey pull off a win.
As soon as the final buzzer sounds, I’m done.
I push through the crowd and head down the tunnel, ignoring everyone.
While the team does a victory lap for the crowd, I’m in the shower, tearing off my gear and throwing up.
I’ve never felt so empty in my life.
I dragmyself out of the showers, just a towel around my waist, when Nik suddenly shoves me up against the wall. His hand is tight around my throat.
“You were reckless as fuck out there,” he hisses. “A fucking nightmare. I know you have shit going on, but be a fucking professional. Put it aside. Get your head right. You cannot lose your shit like that. Do you know why? Because part of yoursalvation is your contract negotiation. Being a fucking loose cannon lunatic will not help your case.”
I hear him, but all I can think about is my mom and Emma. I choke out, “My mom… Emma…”
Nik knows about the threat. He knows why I’m feeling this way. So he lets go, softens a bit.
I can’t help it; tears are streaming down my face. I know I look like a big pussy.
Everyone is staring.
Everyone.
Even Connor, who’s usually got a joke for everything, just looks worried.
Nik steps back. “Get dressed,” he says quietly. “Wait for me.”
I nod and go to my locker, head hanging. I don’t look at anyone, don’t say a word. Just run a brush through my hair, pull on my clothes, and drop onto the bench to wait.
Usually, the locker room should be buzzing after a win. Tonight, it’s somber and quiet, and I know it’s all because I’ve had a total fucking meltdown.
I see Nik and Dom conferring quietly by their lockers. Connor notices, too. He sits down next to me as he pulls on socks and shoes.
“I think they’re gonna put you in concrete boots and send you to the bottom of the lake.”
I manage a weak laugh. “I deserve it.”
“Eh, we all have crap nights. And actually, your game wasn’t all that shitty. I kinda liked you all wild and crazy. It was unpredictable. I think it helped us win.”
I grunt, not buying it. “Yeah, right.”
He snorts. “Yeah, no. It didn’t help. You were a turd out there tonight. A big, stinky one. But whatever. Shake it off. Play better next time.”
Connor claps my shoulder, grabs his bag, and calls out, “All right, you fuckers. Weird night. Let’s not do it again.”
He walks out, his red hair practically glowing under the lights.
“Let’s go, Liam,”I hear from Nik’s corner of the room.
