“You need space.” That dead tone again.
“I almost told you so many times,” I say, words tumbling out fast, “You know that. I wanted us to figure things out together. The moment you came back into my life, I thought… maybe we could find our way to being a family. And none of your family stuff worried me. I believed in you. I believed we could make it work. There’d be time. We could grow. We could fix things. I wanted all of it with you.”
“Wanted. Past tense.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Liam,” I say. “Not again. Not ever.”
I press my hand to my chest, over the spot where my heart feels bruised and aching. Then I give him the gentlest smile I can manage.
“Then what is this?” he asks, and his voice cracks on a wretched sob. He lets it out, then straightens, holding back the emotion that he seems to be holding back with a great deal of effort. “Youarehurting me, Emma. You say you don’t want to, but you are.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“What do you want?” he asks. “Proof that this is over, that they’re both safe? That you’re safe? That I’m free of the past? I’ll get it for you. What do you want, Emma?”
“I don’t know,” I say gently. “I just want space. For now.”
He stands there like a statue for a long moment before he suddenly throws his head back and lets out a raw, gut-wrenching sound of frustration.
I actually step back from him, unsure how to take such a strong reaction.
“I spent six years wondering what I did to make you leave,” he finally says. His voice is low, shaking with something he’s barely holding together. “Six years thinking it was my fault—six years of feeling like I’d lost a part of myself. I knew—I knew—I’d never be that connected to anyone else again. And then there you were. Standing in front of me. Perfect. Beautiful. And everything inside me clicked back into place.”
“I felt that way too,” I admit. My arms fold around my torso again, instinctively protecting myself. “When I spent the night with you, I thought it was the beginning, Liam. I thought we were choosing each other again. And then you pushed me away.”
He drags both palms down his face, exhausted. “I was trying to fix things. I needed to get out from under the money. I needed to be steady. Stable. I wanted you to see I could be safe for you. I wanted to be worthy of you—for once in my damn life.”
I laugh and cry at the same time. “Oh, Liam. You were always worthy of me. You are kind, caring, talented, and loving. I didn’t want or need you to be anything other than what you were.”
“It didn’t feel that way when you left.”
“I know,” I say. “I know. And I can see why you felt like you had something to prove. I shouldn’t have left, but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. It was only about not trapping you. I left because I wanted you to have the chance to become who you were meant to be. I didn’t want you to feel held back just because I decided to keep the baby.”
“I get that,” he says. “I know it now, and I’m telling you that I want to be with you. Let’s put everything behind us. Let’s start over and just?—”
“My heart can’t do that,” I whisper. “Not yet.”
His face falls slightly, but enough to break something inside me.
“I was willing to be with you,” I continue, forcing the words out through the tightness in my throat. “Even with the debt. Even with the mafia. None of that scared me enough to walk away. But you left me in the dark, Liam. And because of that, my sisteralmost died. Our son was taken. He went through something we can’t even measure yet.”
Tears burn my eyes, and I keep going.
“This isn’t about the mess you were born into—that part was never your fault. It’s about the fact that you shut me out. You left me blind and unprotected. And I don’t… I don’t know if I can forgive you for that.”
He swallows hard and shoves his hands into his pockets, his whole body tightening, shutting himself off.
And here we are, both of us bracing to protect ourselves from each other.
It feels awful. It feels wrong. Because all I really want to do is close the distance between us, wrap my arms around him, and tell him I will never stop loving him.
But I don’t.
Because even if that were true, even if I loved him with every broken piece of my heart…
I don’t know how long it will take to get past this.
Or if I ever will.
