“Yeah. So, I guess you have questions.”
“Hmm...or you could just give the answers that you know you’ve been keeping from me.”
His eyes meet mine, searching.
“I’m not mad. It’s just...I don’t want to have to pry things from you that you don’t want to share with me. I want to be the person you come to for comfort, to work out your problems with. The person you trust with your secrets.”
Words tumble out of his mouth so quickly that he almost jumbles them. “You are. Y-you have brought me the only peace I’ve known since I lost him. When I’m with you, it feels like nothing bad can happen. You smile, and it’s like a rainbow created just for me.” He sighs deeply, running hands through his wet hair. “Abel, my brother. We were on the same SEAL team together. We joined together and we advanced together. He was my twin...and my best friend. My big brother. I’m still figuring out who I am without him, and then you come along, and it doesn’t hurt quite so bad anymore. It was wrong, but I didn’t want to bring that hurt into the peace you created for me. Eh...I don’t know.”
“It’s okay. Sure, I wish you could have shared it with me, but I understand why you didn’t.”
“I wanted to. It’s just… the grief, you know. It’s an ugly, greedy thing. It had already taken so much from me. I was afraid that if I exposed you to it, it might take you too.”
“It can’t. Nothing can take me from you.”
“That’s good because before you barreled into my life with Rohypnol and free whiskey, I was feeling pretty weak.”
Two strides position me between Eli’s legs, and I wrap my arms around his neck, cradling him once again.
“You aren’t weak. That much is obvious. I-”
He cuts me off quickly with another apology. “I’m so sorry, V. I never meant for you to have to be a part of any of that. Chase was always supposed to quietly disappear. I never thought he would come after you like he did.”
“Quietly disappear?”
Eli’s tattooed arms cinch tighter around my waist as he rests his cheek on my chest. “I told you, remember?”
He told me that Chase was going to quietly disappear? It feels like I would remember that conversation.There is something there, though. An unasked question.Yeah.He asked how many there had been before him. I told him just Paul Walker...damn it...Chase, just Chase. He said...holy shit.He said he had hoped not to have to exterminate too many, and something about looking forward to Chase’s death.Chase was always going to die, and Eli was going to be the one to kill him. Because we’d slept together. Whoa. Now there’s a revelation. Okay. Okay. How do I feel about this? How. Do. I. Feel about this? Obviously, I can’t be okay with this, right? I mean-
Eli cuts off my inner monologue with his deep, smooth timbre. “I like it better when you’re saying what you’re thinking.”
Right. His favorite thing about me.“Okay. Well, I obviously can’t be okay with that. You’re basically saying that you had planned to murder anyone who I’d had sex with before you. Do you even realize how unhinged that is?”
“I only drink socially. Never done drugs in my life. LOVE my mama. No criminal history, and you’re the most important person in the world to me. I love you more than I thought was possible. You definitely want me on your side during the apocalypse. Can’t forget the dimples. Really, my only flaw is this one little thing.”
“Little thing?”
“Medium thing. Sometimes I’ll have to right the scales of justice. Also, clearly there’s the issue with anyone who’s ever known you in the way that only I can ever know you, thing. But it turned out to be a non-issue because Paul signed his own death certificate when he took you and the boys anyway, right?”
“Either there’s something seriously wrong with me or...that made sense.”
His smile makes me want to crawl up in his lap and give him permission to kill anyone he wants, so long as he doesn’t take up my closet space to store the scalps.Okay, so there is definitely something wrong with me but, there’s obviously something wrong with him, too, so... What’s that thing they say about how two wrongs make a right?
“That’s because it does make sense. When you weigh it all out, I’m a catch.”
His smile falters before he begins to speak again.
“It’s not always just the bad guys, though. See these roses?” He holds up his forearms that are both covered in vines with small roses sprouting all over them. “I know you’ve noticed them before. Do you know what they represent?”
Looking into his soft blue gaze, I shake my head. He’s right. I have noticed them before, and I couldn’t help but think they held value to him. The intricate designs, each one so unique, and displayed there in such a visible area. They represent something he doesn’t want to forget.
“See this one here? See how it’s bloomed? That’s because the man whose life is represented in this rose was good. He had met his potential in life. He was my friend, and I killed him.”
He pauses to give me time to soak this in. He’s waiting for the shock. The disgust. He won’t find it.
“I took out an enemy convoy carrying guns and ammunition. Our intel wasn’t complete. We didn’t know there were explosives onboard. Tuck was too close to the blast. He was alive when I put him on the medevac, but he didn’t make it back to base. I killed him, and this rose belongs to him. Then there’s this one.”
He points to the largest and most beautiful rose. I already know who it is before he begins speaking.
