"Weird pine needles!"
"I give up.”My brave man sets down the marker."Apparently everything I draw looks like holiday decorations."
"Don't feel bad," I pat his knee."Last year she insisted Dad's drawing of a car was a 'festive turkey.'"
"It did look like a festive turkey," Harper chimes in from across the room where she's nursing baby James, who at three weeks old has already perfected his mother's judgmental expression."Four wheels, questionable body placement."
"This family has no appreciation for abstract art," Dad mutters.
"Is that what we're calling your Pictionary skills?"Mom asks sweetly, entering with a tray of cookies that definitely aren't from her kitchen."Abstract?"
"Store-bought?"Harper gasps in mock horror."Mother, the scandal!"
"I've been cooking for two days straight.Sue me for outsourcing cookies."She sets the tray down with a defensive clatter."Besides, someone has to keep an eye on Frank.He's been sneaking rum into the eggnog since noon."
"Tradition!"Dad shouts."It's tradition!"
"Alcoholism disguised as tradition," Mom mutters.
My phone buzzes for the thousandth time in ten minutes.I glance at it, trying to be subtle.
MIRA:Small crisis.Buttercup figured out how to open the wine cellar.
Before I can respond, Luke plucks the phone from my hand.
"Hey!"
"You promised," he says, holding it above his head where my 5'4" frame has no hope of reaching."No inn emergencies during family Christmas."
"But Buttercup?—"
"Will be fine.Mira's handled worse."He pockets my phone with the efficiency of someone who's been confiscating it all week."Besides, we have a game to win."
"We're losing by thirty points."
"Temporary setback."He adjusts his glasses in that way that still makes heart beat faster after weeks of watching him do it."I have a strategy."
"Your last strategy involved drawing what Mom insists was a 'fancy Christmas tree.'"
"It was clearly a firewall protection system."
"With tinsel," Mom chimes in from across the room."I saw tinsel."
Claire laughs from the couch, her feet propped on David's lap."Face it, Luke.You've been defeated by the Winters women."
"The Winters women are formidable opponents," Luke agrees.
"Damn right we are," Harper says, then immediately covers James's ears."Sorry, James.Auntie said a bad word.Don't tell Mommy and Daddy."
"He's three weeks old," her husband Ben points out."I don't think he's filing it away for later."
"You don't know that.He could be a genius baby.A judgmental genius baby who's cataloging all my parenting failures."
"Your only failure is this weird competitive thing with David about who changes more diapers," Claire says.
"It's not weird!It's about equal partnership!"
"You made a spreadsheet.”David’s brows life."With color-coded graphs."
