"This is insane."
"This is an intervention," Mom says, entering with the gravy boat."With visual aids."
"I'm being PowerPointed into submission?"
"If that's what it takes," Harper says, clicking to the first slide.
What follows is the most professionally executed emotional ambush I've ever experienced.Harper has graphs.
Actual graphs showing my "happiness levels" before and after Luke.
Claire provides color commentary while eating her body weight in rolls.Mom occasionally interjects with "remember when you smiled?"
Dad just pats my hand periodically.
"In conclusion," Harper says fifteen minutes later, "you're being a jackass, and we have the data to prove it."
"That's your conclusion?I'm a jackass?”
"A loved jackass,” Claire clarifies."But still an jackass.”
"You hacked a man to meet him," Mom adds."That shows initiative.Now show some follow-through."
"I can't just?—"
"Yes, you can," Harper interrupts."You can apologize again.You can fight for him.You can do something besides mope around naming poultry after him."
"The turkey thing was?—"
"Sage."Claire's voice is gentle now."He was good for you.You were good for him.Don't let one mistake ruin that."
"It wasn't just one mistake.It was the foundation of everything.How do you build on a cracked foundation?"
"You repair it," Dad says simply."That's what you do with things worth saving."
I'm about to argue when Claire makes a strange noise.
"You okay?"David asks, immediately attentive.
"Yeah, just...Braxton Hicks probably."She shifts uncomfortably."Baby's been active all day."
"How active?"Mom's voice sharpens.
"Just normal active.Nothing to—" Claire stops mid-sentence, her eyes going wide."Oh."
"Oh?"We all say as one.
"Oh no."She looks down."I think...um..."
"Did you just—" Harper starts.
"My water broke," Claire announces with surprising calm."On Mom's good chair."
"The chairs can be cleaned," Mom says, already in crisis mode."David, get the car.Frank, get the hospital bag.Harper, time the contractions.Sage, stop standing there like a startled goat!"
"I'm not—what do I do?"
"Help your sister!"
