I slam the tap off. “I told you, I’m handling club business.”
“You’d rather be out there fighting than be with me, here?”
“It’s not that simple,” I whisper.
“It is,” she insists. “You choose to talk to me, or you don’t. You choose to come home, or you don’t. You choose to love me, or you don’t.”
“Idolove you,” I snap.
“Then act like it!” she screams. “Because right now, Kade, it feels like you’re punishing me for what happened. Like you’re disgusted by me. Like you can’t stand to be near me.”
My breath catches. “I’m punishing myself,” I say, voice raw. “Every second I look at you, all I see is what I didn’t stop. What I should’ve stopped. I can’t breathe when I’m near you because I feel like I failed you.”
She shakes her head fiercely. “You’re failing me now by not being here when I need you.”
I swallow hard. “I just need time.”
“Time for what? To hate yourself? To hate me?”
“I don’t hate you,” I roar.
“Thenshow me,” she whispers.
She tentatively lifts her shirt, pulling it over her head and dropping it to the floor. I stare at her thin body, her bones way more visible than ever before.
Silence swallows the room.
And then I step past her, grabbing my kutte off the hook.
“Oh,” she says quietly, voice breaking. “So that’s it. You’re going to your office.”
“I need space,” I mutter. “Just for tonight.”
Her heartbreak is so loud it feels like a physical sound. She nods slowly, blinking rapidly.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, rushing out.
EDEN
I often wonder, in moments like this, if my pain could possibly break me any more. And then something else happens, Kade ignores me, I get a flashback, and there I am again, crying into my pillow whilst my heart shatters.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I feel like I’m watching Kade’s pain break him from behind a thick glass screen. I can see everything, but do nothing. I can’t reach him. Touch him. Hold him.
Being in my presence disgusts him. He wouldn’t even raise his eyes to look at my body earlier, choosing to look past me before running out of here like I was a diseased rat offering him scraps.
I fall into a restless sleep. Tossing and turning. Images of my attacker sometimes waking me, but mainly it’s nightmares of Kade that bring me from my slumber. Him walking away. Him with someone else.
And when my alarm screams at eight o’ clock, I’m still exhausted, and grumpier than ever.
I shower and dress, then trudge down for breakfast. Which is pointless, I can’t eat a damn thing without feeling sick. But everyone expects me at the table. Maggie has made it perfectly clear each morning, by dragging me downstairs and insisting I at least try some dried toast. And that wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the eyes filled with pity that pretend they’re not watching, when really, they are. It’s not just the women; it’s the bikers, too. I get a kiss from each one of the men, right on the top of my head, like it’s a new tradition. I’ve silently named it pity kisses. They didn’t exist before my attack. It’s just another thing that’s changed since then.
I even tried to arrive after the bikers just to avoid it, but they pity kissed me as they left instead.
Today, however, I’m shocked to see Kade at the head of the table. He’s not taken his place for weeks, not since the truth came out. He doesn’t look up when my step falters, but I know he senses me there in the way he grips his cutlery a little tighter, and the way his jaw tenses.
Maggie smiles, nodding to my chair at his side, like him being here is a special treat for everyone. I don’t argue. I lower into it like a dutiful wife, too afraid to break the new truce.
Everyone else seems to slip into an uneasy hum of conversation. Maggie places a fresh croissant in front of me, and I smile gratefully. She’s trying everything possible to get me toeat, including making her own pastries from scratch. His eyes flick to the pastry, then to me. For a second, I think he’s going to lean in and kiss me,God how I wish he’d kiss me.“You going vegan on me, Queenie?” The nickname sounds wrong now, sharp instead of sweet. I don’t answer. He lifts a brow, unimpressed. “No wonder you’re losing so much weight.”
