Twenty
THEO
I am hot. Too freaking hot.
Blinking away the sleep, I see that I am not in my room at my grandmother’s house.
Then it all comes flooding back.
I had sex with Colt and River.
I slept with two men.
I am no longer a twenty-eight-year-old nerdy virgin.
I was fucked into next week by a man who made me feel things I never thought I would.
Panic starts to rise in me as I look between both men. Sometime during the night, River moved and is now spooning me, and I am wedged between him and Colt. My skin is damp from sweat, and the heat radiating off them is like a furnace.
As I look back and forth taking them both in, my heart beats so fast in my chest I fear a heart attack, and the walls feel like they are closing in on me.
How could they want an unexperienced man like me? Fuck, they do not even know the real me.
I start to struggle to get air into my lungs and I know that I need to move fast before I wake them up. I need to go.
Slowly, I move their arms from around me, and I slip from the bed. By some Christmas miracle, they do not wake; if anything, River rolls closer to Colt.
They curl around each other and my heart stops. They look so good together.
Even in sleep they look happy and peaceful. Like they were made for each other.
How can I add to that? I bring nothing but anxiety and insecurity. Watching them, I feel like an outsider. Yet, I was part of a moment with them just a few hours ago.
The weight of my self-doubt presses down on me, making it hard to believe I deserve any place beside them.
Fuck, I was planning on leaving in a few weeks. What will they think of me, keeping this from them?
Dressing in my pants and sweater, I grip my tie and dress shirt in my fist, needing something to ground me. My feet go into my shoes, then I stop to look at them one last time.
After they find me gone, they’ll be hurt and pissed at me for running out on them, but I need to clear my head. They have both wanted each other for so long, why would I want to get in between that?
With one more glance at them, I leave the room, hoping the click of the door won’t wake them. Moving through a now silent house, the Christmas music and chatter are gone, but the lights remain, casting a fairy-like glow on each room I pass.
The quiet is almost surreal, amplifying the sound of my own footsteps as I make my way toward the front door, my heart feeling heavy with each step I take.
I need to clear my head,I repeat in my head over and over again to try and calm my racing heart.
This is for them and for me.
I open the front door and walk down the long driveway, the guard nodding to me as I get closer.
“Do you need me call you a car, Mr. Moran?”
“No thank you. The walk will do me good.”
“I am sure that Mr. Woods would prefer it if I got you a ride home.” He tries again, so I paint on a smile that I hope will convince him I am okay.
“Honestly, I am good. The wine has gone to my head a bit, so a walk in the cold air will help, but thank you.”
