The knots in the pit of my stomach hurt. I have never felt like this, and I am not sure I want to feel like this again. Whenmy date ended with River, I thought we were on good terms; we have texted and bumped into each other.
This distant vibe I got from him has me confused.
Needing air, I slip out the back door. Stepping out onto the patio, which has a few heaters keeping the area relatively warm and a fire pit, I see there are items for guests to make s’mores.
Snow covers some of the ground around the patio, giving the garden a fairy winter wonderland look.
It is magical.
I touch the cold stone, needing it to cool my heated skin, but it also serves as a distraction from what River has me feeling. I need to clear my head before I go back inside and face Colt.
He is no doubt wondering where I am, since he told me to go to River and back, and that’s it. He did not want me or River far from him tonight. Colt ‘needs his boys close’ is what he told me when he picked me up earlier.
River’s actions and words bounce around my head. I keep thinking maybe I read our date wrong and he was just pitying me afterward, letting me down easy, but I did not take the social cues from him.
Fuck me, I fucked up again. Maybe I should just stick to dating one man at a time from now on.
Needing Colt’s touch to calm me, I turn around but stop short when I come face-to-face with River.
He is holding a glass of red wine and a bottle of beer. He says nothing at first, making my anxiety rocket to a point where I feel sick. Tucking my hands in my pockets, I hunch my shoulders—a usual defense mechanism of mine—which draws a frown from River.
“I, umm, I will leave you to enjoy the night,” I mumble, stepping toward him, aiming my feet for the door.
“Theo, wait.” His voice cuts off my steps.
His hand touches mine, making me shiver as the heat from him seeps into my cold skin. River steps closer to me, his body lining up with mine as I look into his eyes.
Remorse and something else calls to me.
“I am sorry for being a dick inside. My insecurities got the better of me and I took that out on you; I am sorry.”
“I am confused? You will need to tell me what I did to make you feel like this, River. Hurting or upsetting you is the last thing I want to do,” I say.
I think back to what I said to him, or did to him in the last few days that would make him unhappy with me, or if I did something to trigger these insecurities that he is talking about.
“You did nothing wrong, honey. It was all me.” He sighs, licking his lips with that sweet-looking lip gloss on.
Seeing lip gloss on men has never done it for me before, but seeing River’s lips glisten in the lighting out here makes me want to kiss it off him to see if it feels soft or sticky.
“Talk to me.” I take both of his hands, leading him to stand right underneath a patio heater.
The heat hits us immediately, and we both shiver then smile.
“My past is not pretty when it comes to home life and boys, then men. It was silly really, but seeing you walk in with Colt, looking like a perfect hot, cute couple, set a chain of feelings in my head that made me think that you were moving on without me. That I was not needed anymore.”
“Shit,” I mutter, my heart sinking.
We were planning on surprising him tonight; Colt wants us to spend the night together, looking at moving on to the next step of what we are building.
“It was never our intention to hurt you, babe.” I cup his smooth jaw, my thumb brushing just under the full bottom lip I want to suck on again.
Never in a million years would I have touched a man like this willingly this time last year, or last month even. Between spending time with Colt, and River, I have been reading romance books with three men together, and it has been an eye opener.
I came across one by an Australian author, who, by the way, has won me over for future books. Her book was based on three men, and it made me see that I could have that with Colt and River. It was not only about the exceedingly hot sex, but the connection and the relationship they built.
“We were going to surprise you tonight, maybe try to go to the next level in our relationship. I have gone on dates with both of you separately, but I want to spend time with you together. The three of us doing something, anything, together.”
“Anything?” He wiggles his eyebrows, making me laugh.
