The look in Helen’s eyes makes me uncomfortable, in a way that a mother looks at her teenage boy. I cough, then run like a chickenshit.
“Oh, look, I see a snowman who needs warming up. Neve, take over, please.”
I run for my office, shutting and locking the door behind me. Sinking against the wood, I shake my head, trying to get the pornographic images out of my mind before I come in my tight pants.
Sitting in my chair, I calm my breathing. I am not one to shy away from jokes and gossip, but when it is about me and a man, or men I would like to have sex with, I get uncomfortable in a way that I am not sure how much they want people to know.
I have a big mouth, and it is not only for sucking dick like a pro, though I totally can.
I tend to overstep sometimes and it hurts or makes things awkward, so I remove myself from the situation. Now I have to hope that I do not fuck up with Colt or Theo before we even start anything.
Nine
THEO
Pulling my coat tighter around my neck, then tugging on my beanie, I walk down Main Street, taking everything in. The snow on the sidewalk, the Christmas lights, and decorations, it's genuinely like a Christmas village. You can smell the pine, cinnamon, and peppermint in the air, and I love it.
It makes me not want to leave in the new year.
Thoughts of both Colt and River crash into my mind, and I wince. Thinking about how I reacted yesterday, when I ran like a chicken, not wanting to deal with a real-life, adult situation.
I would not be surprised if neither of them talk to me again. It was childish to run, but I could not wrap my head around what they were both insinuating.
Being gay does not mean that you cannot be a virgin; believe me, I am one. No man has ever had me trust him enough to let him fuck me. Foreplay has always been something for a fleeting moment, but I have never enjoyed it.
Maybe I am the problem, and I do not know what I am doing. To ease my tension, I jerk my dick alone in my bedroom, or inthe shower, but having both Colt and River touch me, had my balls aching beyond relief, and my dick leaking.
I think that scared me, and I did what I always do. I ran.
Fuck my life with a candy cane.
No other man has ever made me feel that hot and flustered. It caught me off guard but in an odd way, I felt safe with them, like I knew deep down that they would not touch me without consent, and they would be gentle with me.
The way Colt looked me in the eyes, and the way River touched me, I felt oddly cherished.
How can that be?
Stopping at the pop-up ice rink concession stand, I order myself a mint hot chocolate and a puff pastry orange chocolate Christmas tree on a stick. I thank the young girl serving and walk over to a bench and take a seat, watching the town folk skate around the makeshift ice rink.
Since Patty is with her friends at the knitting club, I get a few hours to myself, so I thought I would spend some time taking in all the festivities around town. I especially love the drive-in movie theater that has been set up; I need to make sure that I stop there one night.
“Theo?”
Hearing my name, I look to the side, and my heart skips a beat seeing River walking toward me.
He is dressed in black boots, black jeans, and a long red winter coat, his hair under a beanie. He looks good, his cheeks red from the cold.
“River,” I greet back, wincing at how low my voice comes out.
“Do you mind if I sit?” I shake my head, sipping my hot drink.
“Oh, that smells yummy. Let me go get something, then I will be right back. You will be here when I get back, right?” I nod myhead, and the smile he gives me makes my heart skip happily against my rib cage.
I watch as he smiles at the young girl serving people; they laugh, and I smile with them, seeing how happy and carefree he is. He is so handsome, and any man would be lucky to have him for a partner.
Thinking of River with another man makes my stomach tighten, but then I see him with Colt and the tension leaves me.
Why? I am not sure what is happening to me. It is like Silverpine brought me here to confuse me; on the other hand, it has also shown me what living is really about.
