The thought came back to me, clear as day, and I nodded.
“Say it,” he ordered me. “Whatever it was, say it to me. I’m not angry. I’m not going to punish you. I want to understand you. So tell me.”
My stomach lurched. A dimari did not tell their own master that he was wrong. A dimari did not call their own master a liar. But an order was an order. “The Eumadians would never ask for a bonded dimari back,” I told him, attempting to sound as meek as possible. “There would be no point. A bonded dimari is completely useless to them.”
His frown deepened. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that,” he said, more to himself than to me. “I thought that was fucking weird. Henderson thought it was weird, too. But they’re going through the Rendol Parliament, so until the Parliament holds a preliminary hearing, there’s not much we can do.”
I stared at him, as if trying to solve some unsolvable puzzle. “The Eumadians have actually asked for me back?”
“Yes,” he said. “They really did.”
I shook my head. “That makes no sense.”
“I totally agree with you. But I’m not lying to you, Kade.”
However bizarre the story sounded, I couldn’t help but believe him. But the Eumadians were only half the problem.
“Okay, what else is bothering you?” he asked abruptly. “You’ve been frighteningly depressed ever since I told you about this, and I want to know what you think is actually happening here.”
It was so simple. And yet so terrible, it was hard to get the words out. I dropped my gaze from his face, finding it simply too painful to continue staring into his earnest eyes. “You don’t want me,” I whispered.
He took my hand in his again. “I want you very, very much.”
I shook my head. Again, I was about to call my master a liar. “You just told me that you didn’t. You didn’t buy me. You didn’t choose me. You don’t understand me. You don’t want me.”
He was silent for a long time, and I braced myself for him to agree with me. “Okay, so here’s some brutal honesty for you, Kade. The truth is that when we first met, no, I didn’t want you. I didn’t know what to do with you, and I didn’t know how to look after you. Butnow? Four weeks on, I’ve seen how absolutely amazing you are, and what you can do, and how very much you please me. You like pleasing your master, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir,” I said, hope and despair warring inside me.
“Sonow, Kade, I am very, very pleased with you. And I want you here very much.”
I dared to look up at him. His eyes met mine without wavering. “I’ve been doing well?” I asked hopefully. Could it actually be true?
“Yes. You’ve been doing so well. You’ve had a huge amount to learn. And I’m not going to pretend that you know everything you need to know yet. There’s still some more to learn. But in four weeks, you’ve come so incredibly far. You’ve proved that you’re able to learn, and able to adapt, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. Henderson was incrediblyimpressed with you. Bryce thinks you’re amazing. And that’s just after four weeks. Imagine where we could be in another couple of months. I’m very impressed with your progress and absolutely committed to helping you learn everything else you need to know.”
The tightness inside me finally began to loosen. He hadn’t said I was perfect – which was probably a good thing, because I wouldn’t have believed him if he had. But I was doing well enough to convince him to keep me, to convince him to let me keep trying.
“I said I wanted you to sleep in my bed with me,” he went on. “And I never changed my mind about that. So I still want you in my bed.”
“You didn’t let me cook dinner for you,” I blurted out. I dropped my eyes again, sure I’d overstepped the mark this time. This was the problem with my risk-loving nature. It had made me perfect for training as a combat specialist, but it also tended to get me into trouble.
He cursed and sighed. “It’s a typical human behaviour that when we’re tired or at the end of a particular project, we order food from a restaurant as a way of relaxing. For me, it’s often a reward I give myself for getting to the end of my two week rotation. It has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of your cooking. Like I said, you’re learning very quickly, and after a couple more lessons, I think you’ll be perfectly capable of taking over planning all the meals for this house.”
It was frustrating to have gone through so much training, only to come out the other side and realise I wasn’t as equipped to serve my master as I should have been. But it was easy to resolve to finish this new style of training, and to learn to accommodate the sometimes odd traditions of the human species. “Yes, sir,” I said confidently, reminding myself that there were bound to be a few more confusing conversations over the next couple of weeks. There were still things about my master’s culture that I didn’t know.
“Are you okay now?” he asked, his voice firm but soothing. “Are you still upset?”
“No, sir,” I said. “Well… mostly no. I’m still confused about the Eumadians. But you want me here. So…” I smiled crookedly. “So that’s okay now.”
“And you do like pleasing your master, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir,” I said emphatically.
“And you like being rewarded for good behaviour?”
I felt my scales prickle with anticipation. Was he suggesting that…? “Yes, sir,” I answered him.
“Good.” He let his eyes roam over me, all the way down to my toes, then back up to my face. “Take off your clothes,” he ordered me.
