“So when are you allowed to climax?”
“When – if – you give me permission, sir.”
“So… if I have sex with you, are you allowed to come then?”
“Only if you permit it, sir.”
I wasn’t sure what Kade was making of this conversation. Did he realise that I was just trying to understand what he’d been taught? Or perhaps he thought I was reinforcing the rules, to remind him that though he was aroused as hell, he wasn’t allowed to do anything about it.
And that, right there, was a massive problem. If every dimari on the planet was silently waiting for their master to give them permission to experience sexual release, and none of their masters ever explicitly permitted such a thing, then there would be a hell of a lot of sexually frustrated dimari. And that was surely one of the missing ingredients in my quandary of figuring out why they became so depressed. How would I feel to realise that I was never going to have sex again for the rest of my life?
But there was another detail that Kade had mentioned, and given how thorough his training had been, I decided to assume that he hadn’t used the word he’d used accidentally. “You said that sex is considered a reward, is that right?”
“Yes, sir,” Kade said, his voice cracking just a fraction. What did that mean?
“Do you consider it to be a reward?”
“Yes, sir,” he breathed, with no hesitation.
“Do you want me to reward you for your work so far?” I fully expected the rote answer this time, that he was only here to fulfil my desires. A good dimari, I was quickly learning, would never ask to be rewarded. But the way he said it, the way his body reacted, might give me more information.
Sure enough, he leaned towards me, the tip of his erection just brushing my thigh. “I am here to fulfil your desires, sir,” he said. “It is not my place to decide reward or punishment.”
I had to make a fast decision here, knowing full well that I didn’t have a definitive answer. But based on his body language, Kade was thoroughly on board with things getting a little more heated. That was going to have to be enough for now. But nonetheless, I decided to keep things simple. If it turned out I was wrong, an unwanted hand job would be far less traumatic than most other things we could do together.
God, I hoped I wasn’t wrong.
I stepped towards him, pressing him back until his hips hit the tiled wall. Then I slid my hand down, starting at his chest and watching his reactions closely as I passed over his abdomen and landed on his groin. His gaze remained fixed on mine, and as I reached my destination, his hips curled towards me, a subtle but noticeable motion.
I stroked his erection slowly and firmly, watching as his eyes fluttered halfway closed and his breath hitched. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, the forgotten washcloth still clutched between hisfingers. And then another thought occurred to me. Perhaps he didn’t just want a clinical hand job, but something more… personal.
Acting on that gut feeling, I slid my free arm around his shoulder. “You can touch me, if you want to,” I said, hoping it was phrased well enough to give him clear permission, but not so firmly as to make it an order. But that was one of the grey areas I had yet to learn to navigate; how to get Kade to do anything based on his own desires, rather than mine.
As a result, I was a little surprised when Kade leaned down to rest his head on my shoulder, his hand sliding around my waist. I could feel his hot breath on my skin, the water of the shower still cascading down my back. I gave a brief moment of thought to my next command.
“You’re allowed to climax whenever you’re ready,” I said. It was a deliberate decision to once again make the order slightly vague. Saying something like ‘You can come now’ might have the undesirable effect of making him think he needed to climax immediately. And god knows what those twisted fucks had taught him to do. It was possible he’d been trained to come on command, but I couldn’t imagine that that kind of pressure would make the experience very enjoyable.
I kept up the rhythm on his erection, wondering how long it had been since he’d had any kind of release. He’d been in the container for three days, then three more days in the jungle, then one at the base… and there was no telling how long it had been before he’d been shipped out to meet his master. His body shuddered, his hips thrusting slightly, and his breathing sped up. He made a faint moaning sound, and he dug his fingers into my back. And then he gave a husky cry, his hips jerked roughly into my hand, and…
And his entire body switched to a deep and vibrant blue. I felt the spurt of fluid against my hand as he came, warm pulses that were quickly washed away in the spray of water from the shower. He stayed where he was, sagging against me slightly. I stroked his hair, tangling my fingers in the slightly longer strands up the back of his head.
A minute or so later, he lifted his head, now looking as tired as I felt. I glanced down at his blue body with a smirk. “Looks like you enjoyed that.”
Kade looked down, then made a startled noise. “I’m so sorry,” he said, getting control of himself and reverting to his previous brown colouration. “I was… distracted.”
“It’s quite alright,” I assured him. “I really don’t mind you being blue. It’s a beautiful colour.” I avoided specifically telling him that I wanted him to be blue. I didn’t yet understand enough of his training to know whether I’d be creating an internal conflict for him. If he’d been taught that he had to blend in with his master, I didn’t want to contradict that.
But now that he’d climaxed, a degree of tension returned to Kade’s body. He glanced down, then over to the side, seeming to be waiting forsomething. Apparently flustered by my lack of response or instructions, he said, haltingly, “Would you… like me to… assist you? With, um…” He glanced down again, and I followed his gaze to my own erection. My eyebrows rose in surprise. I hadn’t actually noticed that I was hard.
“You said I could touch you, but I wasn’t sure exactly what you meant,” he clarified his own hesitation. He seemed to find that admission disturbing, his shoulders tensing and his jaw clenching.
I hesitated to reply. The truth was, I was probably too tired to come tonight, and I wasn’t sure which would be worse; letting him touch me and being unable to climax, or telling him not to touch me at all.
But then I tried to look at this from Kade’s perspective. Sex for a dimari was a reward, he’d said… but he’d also stated multiple times that he was here to fulfil my desires. If I didn’t let him touch me, he might well reach the conclusion that he was undesirable. Unworthy. Unwanted.
Fuck, this was a mess. I was stomping all over my own morals, doing things that I’d thought were entirely taboo, and all because Kade might look sad if I didn’t give him his own way?
No, I reminded myself. It was because if I got this wrong, enough times over a long enough period, then Kade would kill himself because he was too damn depressed to deal with life anymore.
