‘Bastard,’ Louisa growled. ‘How dare he not realise what an absolute fucking catch you are?’
Her smoky anger filled my lungs, strengthening me. I’d not been mad at Lucas. He’d just done what everyone else had and left me. I hadn’t even seen it as his fault.
The borrowed anger fizzled out. I wasn’t cross at Lucas. I was sad. I’d so desperately wanted this time to be different.
‘Don’t be angry at him.’ I snuggled into Louisa, like I could squeeze the anger out of her. ‘He was probably just overwhelmed by being a wolf.’
I wouldn’t reveal what Lucas had said about not liking kissing before, even if that might be the reason he’d fallen into a night of closeness with me then fled. If he hadn’t even told Aster, then it wasn’t a secret he wanted blabbed around.
No part of me wanted to shout his confession from the cottage rooftop to get back at him. Lucas might not want me in the way I wanted him, but he was still my friend.
Louisa growled. ‘He’s not living here with you if he’s going to hurt you.’
Her words speared through my chest. Not because they were wrong. They might feel that way, but I could recognise self-destructive behaviours in at least some areas of my life.
‘Maybe it would be better if he didn’t live here for a while,’ I conceded. A fresh crop of tears dribbled down my salt-coatedcheeks. ‘Just until I get used to him being my pack-mate and friend, rather than anything else.’
Louisa tugged me close to her ample chest and wiggled me back and forth like an inconveniently bony rag doll. ‘I’m going to snuggle you every day until you stop being sad about someone who doesn’t deserve you and start dating someone who gets how epically fucking awesome you are.’
‘Thanks, Lou.’ I didn’t bother correcting her. Lucas was the final straw. I wasn’t going to delude myself into thinking anyone else in the world wanted to be with me.
Why is only Errol in my house when this is supposed to be a pack meal?
Louisa and I winced at Bonnie’s harsh voice through the connection between us. We were only supposed to use it in emergencies, but apparently lateness to lunch counted.
‘I’ll go.’ Louisa extracted herself from my arms and the blanket. She stood, her jumpsuit miraculously free of snot and cat hair. ‘I’ll stall for you because this.’ She pointed at my face. ‘Needs a warm shower before anyone else sees it.’
I shucked off the blanket. My legs wobbled like a stack of poorly balanced books as I stood beside her. ‘Sorry if Bonnie is extra dickish to you because I’m late.’
Louisa laughed, throwing her ginger curls over one shoulder as she walked to the top of the stairs. ‘Like I can’t handle anything that crone throws at me.’
I shot her a smile that I could feel didn’t reach my eyes, then she was down the stairs and slamming out of the cottage.
Alone again, I heaved a sigh. I hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone but Lucas, but Louisa was a good second choice. I didn’t feel any less like my heart had been kicked repeatedly by an angry toddler, but at least I knew I had someone in my corner. She loved me. That meant a lot, even if I would always long for something more.
I shook my head and walked over to the other set of stairs. My feet dragged as I climbed, but I forced myself to keep moving. I couldn’t fall into a pit of despair again. I had to get clean, dressed, and over to Bonnie and Joshua’s before she shouted at me in my head.
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t always feel this bad. I’d recovered from heartbreak before. I hadn’t been so drawn in by anyone else, but Lucas would be gotten over like all the others.
He wasn’t special, not in this at least. He’d hurt me in the same way as everyone else.
It didn’t matter that this time the sting was burning, that the ache in my chest was bruising.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
LUCAS
Icould hear Aster singing for long minutes before he arrived.
‘I like Callum’s butt and I cannot lie. You pygmy goaties can’t deny. When Callum walks in wearing his flannel shirt and starts making bread-’ He gasped when he reached the top of one of the hills overlooking the loch. ‘Lukey.’
Someone unversed in the ways of Aster might have assumed he started talking when he was way out of a normal person’s hearing range because he’d gotten too used to living with a werewolf, but I knew better. Words tumbled over his lips as soon as he saw me because he wasn’t able to contain them.
‘I have so much to tell you. I haven’t seen you in literal days. Day. Part of a day. Anyway; it’s been far too long and I have many things to share. The most important of which being the sixty-nine myself and the gorgeous Callum Armstrong engaged in last night. It was wond-’ He gasped again and broke into a run. ‘Lukey, Lukey, Lukey. What’s wrong?’
I couldn’t depend on Aster to not hurt me with his enthusiastic flailing or to not eat off my plate or to keep any of the details of his and Callum’s sex life to himself, but I couldalways and forever depend on his ability to switch from talking jolly nonsense to showering me with concern whenever I needed it.
Boy, did I need it.
