‘I have loved every moment of kissing you,’ I said, then scrunched my nose. ‘I just weirded myself out by thinking about you and Aster together.’
Lucas reeled back. ‘Oh shit. Don’t say that. Now it’s in my head too.’ He pulled his face into an exaggerated grimace. ‘Gross.’
I pressed my lips together to hold in a smile. I could never feel jealous of the bond Aster and Lucas shared, since that would be like hating on a couple of puppies who had fallen asleep in a tangled lump, but it was gratifying to know there was a special part of Lucas that only came alive for me.
‘Naked time,’ he announced, then proceeded to strip out of his grass-stained jumper and jeans at the speed of light. He paused with his thumbs tucked into the waistband of his boxers, the front of the green cotton darkened, when he noticed me gaping. ‘You’re not getting naked.’
My mouth snapped closed. I shook my head. ‘Um. Not quite yet.’
Blush spread across his face, down over his neck, in patches across his lightly hairy chest. ‘Sorry. Me tearing my clothes off in a frenzy probably wasn’t all that sexy, right?’ He shrugged and his thumbs popped loose from the elastic of his boxers. ‘It’s just that I want to be in the shower with you as soon as possible so that we can be wet and naked together.’
Werewolves have improbably fast refractory periods. Callum’s was apparently lightning quick, whereas us bitten wolves had to wait at least a handful of minutes before our cocks were back in the game. At Lucas’s artless words, blood left every other section of my body and flooded south.
‘Take off your underwear,’ I commanded, then caught myself. ‘Please. If you want to.’
I’d have to watch my tendency to be bossy in the bedroom, both because of Lucas’s difficulty with saying no and because one of the main issues I’d had with past partners was that I would unfailingly ask for more than they were willing to give. At least Lucas seemed up for as much touching as me right now.I’d be able to tell if his scent switched from deeply aroused to unwilling or unsure.
Lucas blinked, like he was recalibrating from embarrassment to arousal, then his thumbs tucked back into his boxers. With no finesse, he pushed them down his thighs and kicked them off to join the rest of his clothing.
I breathed in the sparking heat swirling around us. It was impossible to tell where Lucas’s desire ended and mine began. He seemed as turned on by my request and standing naked before me as I was by asking and looking.
His skin was more tanned than mine, the areas that rarely saw the sun bronze to my pale cream. Sparce hair curled across his chest, tapered into a line that led down his toned stomach, darkened the skin of his firm thighs. His cock was half hard but grew harder with every second I spent staring, standing out from a thatch of hair as dark and wild as that on his head.
‘Your turn?’ As with everything else, Lucas wasn’t pushy. He might want me naked, but I sensed that if I told him I didn’t want that, he wouldn’t pout or moan. He wanted me, happy and willing and carefree. Not just for my body and what it could give to him, but because of the closeness it would bring.
I shook my head as I raised my hands to my scarf. I was putting a lot on Lucas that he hadn’t actually said. He wouldn’t pressure me into anything, but that didn’t mean he was feeling all of this as deeply as I was. I trusted that he felt something, that he cared for me a lot, but I couldn’t assume he wanted the same things as me.
I had to content myself with him choosing me for now. I wanted him to choose me always, but I couldn’t decide for him if that was the case. Maybe it would be, in time. He had only just realised he was attracted to me; I couldn’t expect him to want everything I did right away.
It was hard not to hope. I wanted Lucas here with me always.
He had stilled, waiting for me. I’d been so caught up in my feelings that I hadn’t thought through the logistics of what it meant to shower with another person.
‘I’ve not had sex since I became a werewolf.’ I stared into his eyes rather than anywhere else, sure that the fear crackling across my skin had to be a massive turn off. ‘Since I realised my scar was gone, I haven’t taken my scarf off around anyone else.’
I’d been fairly celibate during my year on the island before turning. I’d come here to realise my dream of running a bookshop, but I’d also been running from London and the sexual encounters I’d briefly enjoyed then flatly regretted. Cold turkey had been hard. I’d succumbed on a handful of occasions to customers who lingered after closing and panted with me in rushed moments. All that ended after I became a wolf. It wasn’t enough for me to not see the change to my neck. I couldn’t bear for anyone else to see it either.
Lucas stepped close, his arms winding around my waist. I lowered my forehead to rest on his, our noses bumping.
‘I literally can’t lie so I can’t say I don’t want to see you naked. Because I do. Fuck, I really do. Touching the bits of you I have so far has been amazing, so touching all the other parts of you will be too.’ He took a breath. ‘But as much as I want that, what I want so much more is for you to be happy and enjoy everything we do together. Speaking as someone who has had sex before and not loved it, I don’t want you to ever pretend to be okay for me.’ He snuck in a kiss. ‘If you never want to get naked together but you’re happy, that would be perfect.’
A feeling that was far too huge rose in my chest. I tamped it down. Lucas didn’t need declarations thrown at him just as he was getting used to being attracted to someone for the first time. It would be all too easy to overwhelm or confuse him. I didn’t want to scare him away.
But that feeling was strong. Unyielding. If it couldn’t be expressed in words, it would pour out in actions.
I inched back from Lucas, but grabbed his wrists before his arms left my waist. I raised his hands to the scarf around my neck.
‘You do it.’ My command this time was whispered. Weak. ‘Please.’
The same serious expression tightened his face as when I passed him a puzzle box and asked him to find the edge pieces. Carefully, he searched out the ends of my scarf and looped the soft fabric away from my neck.
I wasn’t sure I would feel any more naked and vulnerable before him once every other item of my clothing was removed. I swallowed, painfully aware the movement accentuated my unblemished skin but unwilling to allow the lump in my throat to rise. Tears burned in my eyes as Lucas placed the scarf beside the sink, well within reaching distance.
My hands ached with the urge to grab it, but I pressed my fingers into the tops of my thighs. When Lucas turned from arranging my scarf, I expected his eyes to dart immediately to where there was nothing but should have been something. Instead, they rested sure and steady on mine.
‘You alright?’ His hands settled on my fingers, loosening my grip on my jeans.
I would have laughed outright if I had the power to do anything other than panic and cling desperately to Lucas’s hands. I wanted to be naked with him, to have everything with him, but this was hard.
