I bounced harder as the call connected. Dad’s face filled the screen.
‘Aster, stop moving,’ he said, instead of any normal greeting.
I attempted to limit my jiggling as I grinned at him. ‘Dad, I’ve missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you too, son.’
I swear I was super happy for the whole conversation.Dad told me about his latest visit to a school to explain fire safety—exasperated despite all the other lessons he’d taught that children were far more interested in his helmet than in stopping fires—and how a Starbucks had opened where his favourite coffee shop used to be. I confirmed my basic bitch status by lamenting the lack of pumpkin spice lattes on remote Scottish islands and explained the progress I’d made on my project.
I might have neglected to mention that the person I was staying with was avoiding me like I had weird cooties and that my best friend was now a goat—sorry, Lukey—but those were things Dad didn’t need to know.
I didn’t realise I’d missed those things out because they were wildly depressing until we ended the call and I promptly burst into tears.
Okay. I’d admit it. Maybe being alone wasn’t fine. Perhaps I hadn’t entirely bypassed depression after all.
I hiccupped and wrapped a blanket around myself. It wasn’t that goats weren’t great, because they definitely were, but they weren’t people. I hadn’t realised before how much I did need another person to talk to. I dominated a lot of conversations, but I still valued the contributions of lesser mortals.
I’d come to this island to learn to be alone romantically—and to study the flora, obviously—but I hadn’t planned on being completely alone.
Since there was clearly a law on Doughnut that Callum would always appear to bear witness to my lowest ebbs, the door of the cabin crashed open. I stood up as he stomped in, like being taller would make crying by myself less pathetic.
‘Aster?’ Callum’s forehead creased with concern as he shut the door and tugged off his boots. ‘What’swrong?’
I sniffed, trying to regain a modicum of composure.
‘I’m so fucking lonely,’ I blurted out. Wonderful. Really slick there, Aster.
Callum blinked, his thick black eyebrows frozen midway to his hairline.
‘Okay. I know you don’t want me here. That’s fine. It’s weird that your sister arranged for me to stay somewhere that only has one bed and is clearly the cabin of someone who enjoys living alone,’ I babbled, using the blanket around my shoulders to mop up the tears and snot covering my face. ‘It’s just, I’m not used to living alone. I’m not good at it. And I understand that your way of dealing with an unwanted person in your space is to?—’
‘I don’t not want you here.’
I stopped talking at Callum’s interruption, scrunching my face as I puzzled out the double negative.
‘You’re welcome here,’ he clarified, looking like every word caused him an unhealthy amount of pain. Not that any amount of pain was healthy.
‘Okay? Okay.’ I nodded, trying to absorb what he’d said despite it being at odds with almost every one of his actions since I’d arrived. I balled my hands into the blanket. Callum might not mind my presence, but he probably wasn’t going to be overjoyed about the request I was about to make. ‘Since I’ve been here, I’ve been pretty much alone barring my uncomfortable arrival, and the less said about that the better. Albert is the best goat in the world, but he’s not up for cuddles and shit. Not a good hugger, is that goat.’
I trailed off, waiting for Callum to connect the dots. But his face was locked down. He was making me work for it. Fine. Let it not be said that I’d hold on to my dignity when a snuggle was at stake.
‘If you’re comfortable with it, I was wondering if you would maybe mind giving me a hug?’
The words were barely out of my mouth before I had a whole lot of Callum up in my space. I didn’t know how he’d cleared the distance between us in the millisecond after I stopped talking, but there was no hesitancy. His arms, which were as strong as I remembered, wound around my back and his face pressed into the crease where my neck met my shoulder.
Fighting with the blanket now bracketing me, I freed my arms and wound them around Callum’s neck. One of my hands landed on his broad back, while the other smoothed across his collar and brushed the soft hair at his nape.
He huffed into my skin. ‘Is this okay?’
My loneliness fell away with a dull thud. ‘This is fucking amazing.’
‘Good,’ Callum mumbled, his short beard rough on my skin. I’d have red marks across my neck for the next day or so, but it wasn’t like there was anyone up in the mountains I’d have to explain them to.
I clung to Callum, using the way he breathed deep and didn’t loosen his arms as encouragement that he was enjoying the prolonged hug as much as me. This close, I could smell his fresh sweat and the coolness of outdoors that had to always cover his skin with all the time he spent out there.
‘Don’t disappear again,’ I whispered, the demand slipping free before I could consider how needy I wanted to be today. Asking for a hug was probably enough for a normal person, but I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t pushing the boundaries of social niceties.
‘I won’t.’ It was a sign of how correctly I’d interpretedCallum’s actions over the last few days that he didn’t attempt to pretend he hadn’t been practising Aster-avoidance.
