He snorts but doesn’t complain. I take a deep inhale and relax into the mattress, closing my eyes. I did not realize we were going to have such a workout this early in the day, especially after the night we had. His arm moves against mine, and when I take a peek, he’s tying off the condom and throwing it on the ground.
“I don’t know why you prefer doing it looking away,” he murmurs, and his admission makes something in me jolt. “I always like watching my partner.”
Clearly, if going by the way he had his eyes on me the entire time.
“Intimacy scares me,” I mumble. Too real, but he deserves the truth, I guess. “Seems too real and personal, and I’m not about that.”
I expect him to laugh in my face, but Damon only hums. “Why are you so scared of a genuine connection, sweetheart?”
Not the fucking nickname again. I close my eyes and even out my breathing, rubbing my palm against my sternum. This is when I should deflect. Who the hell is he, asking me that? But maybe he’s fucked me so thoroughly that my brain’s malfunctioning because I actually give him a proper answer.
“Because I don’t want to end up like my parents,” I say. “All they did was yell at each other, and when they finally got a divorce, they’d ship me back and forth and only had time for their new partners. Their long, long list of partners who they’d eventually end up hating, too. Who even wants that?”
Damon doesn’t say anything, only giving me a long look.
“I’m messed up,” I tell him.
“You’re not.”
“I am.” My voice comes out soft. Shaky. “I’m lonely as fuck, but that’s my fault, isn’t it?”
“Ellis…”
“And I’m selfish. Once I realize someone’s catching feelings, I push them away. Can’t stand it.”
“That’s why you prefer one-night stands and no kissing?”
I nod. “Yes. I don’t want to blur lines. I’m messed up, Dee.”
“No… no, you’re not.” Damon shifts to his side, grabs my face, and forces me to look at him once more. “You’re clear with what you want, but you give as good as you get. It’s impressive. That’s why I went with you two years ago, even if it’s not something I usually do.”
My face heats. Still, I don’t take my eyes off him, even if my insides are warring. All this emotional talk is making my skin itch.
It’s such a foreign concept to me.
8
Damon
“That is way too many croissants,” I say.
He glares at me… then adds another croissant to his plate, making it three. “I’m starved, Dee. Our… um, all ourextra-curricularactivities these past few days have been quite grueling.”
My face warms and I glance around. He thinks he’s subtle, but anyone who has enough sense knows exactly what he’s talking about—especially when he winks at me and licks his lips.This menace.
It’s the first time we’ve actually gone together to the breakfast buffet, and Ellis isn’t holding back. I can’t berate him too much about it though, especially not with the way his face lights up when he finds out there’s honey to go with his croissants.
“No lavender, but this is fine,” he announces.
I still don’t get the hype about those pretentious lavender-honey croissants, but whatever. We make our way back to our table, and Ellis gives me a bright smile as he digs into his food.
God, he’s a conundrum. I can’t figure him out. He’s cutthroat as an agent, purposely irritating when he wants to be, demanding in bed, but… there’s simply something about him that’s magnetizing. It’s as if he’s got a pull on me that I’ve been trying to fight since the moment I met him.
We’re checking out of the hotel today and parting ways, and I’m not sure how to feel about that. I won’t see him until next year, and even then, with all the traveling we both do, I don’t know when that will be.
And even if we made it clear that this thing between us ends here, the reality of it is still disarming. Why? I have no clue. It’s not as if it’s a shock to me that Ellis doesn’t do relationships. Besides, even if he did, would he want one with me?
Though… he reminded me he wanted to give me his number that night we met. I’m not sure why he brought it up. Does that mean he regrets that he didn’t insist I take it? That he hates how much that night ended as much as I do? I was trying to figure it out last night, while he slept, and I came up with nothing.
