“Yeah. Well, no, she can handle anything. She’s probably just freaking out because of the rehearsal dinner tonight and that’s always a hectic time. Did you want to go somewhere first?” Miles wipes the back of his hand against his cheeks, and it comes away wet.Fucking hell.He drums his fingers against the wheel. “I… yeah. We can spare a few minutes. What do you, uh… What do you need?”
“We can visit your dad. Let me drive, just point the way.” The seat belt snaps back into place when he lets go of it.
Miles grips the wheel, leaning forward and resting his forehead against it. He closes his eyes and breathes deep.
He mumbles, “Yeah. Okay.”
***
Calvin walks up to Dad’s grave with Miles without even asking, and doesn’t say anything about how Miles’s voice croaks when he tells Dad about tomorrow’s wedding. Miles tells him about the funny old lady who turns off their business phone, and the kid in the music store, and he even tells him that Matthew and Megan are doing good. He introduces Calvin and complains about how Calvin won’t let him hear the song he’s working on, and Calvin punches him on the arm.
When he furiously wipes away the stupid tears that won’t stop coming, Calvin still doesn’t say anything. It’s so stupid, how he’s crying now, of all days. It’s so random. There’s nothing to cry about. It’s a damn good day, and he was having fun.
Calvin stops him right before he gets into the car, putting a hand on his cheek and grounding him.
“You’re really strong,” Calvin murmurs.
“Oh god.” Miles chuckles, struggling to keep from breaking down all over again. “Stop,” he says, and it comes out as a whine.
“I mean it.” Calvin kisses the corner of his mouth softly, and a restlessness within Miles settles. His chest loosens and just that simple act from Calvin makes him feel much lighter, even more when Calvin brushes his hair away from his eyes and leans their foreheads together. “You’re really, really strong. It’s impressive how you hold yourself together.”
“It’s an act,” he mumbles, not sure he’s ever admitted that to anyone before. “I’m hanging by a thread on most days, then I crash without warning. It’s stupid. Five years and I’m still—”
“It’s called grief, Miles. It’s not stupid.” He rubs Miles’s arms. “What does your mom say about it?”
He shakes his head and buries it on Calvin’s shoulder. “Nothing, because I don’t talk to her about my bad days. I want to keep it that way, though. Don’t want her to worry about me.”
Miles feels him nod. Calvin says, “I think you should tell her.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re both going through the same thing and I think she’s just like you, bottling it up for your sake.” He stiffens and Calvin wraps his arms around his waist and squeezes him lightly. “Or talk to someone, at least. I get the impression that you don’t talk to anyone about it all.”
“I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I?”
Calvin’s chest rumbles as he laughs, and he mutters something about Miles being stubborn. “Okay, well, feel free to talk to me then. I may not know how to help exactly, but I’ll be here.”
“You’re helping a lot right now,” he admits, and maybe Calvin’s right. Maybe what he needed was to let someone see this side of him. Miles tries so hard not to let it show, too scared of being a burden to anyone again.
Miles melts into Calvin and closes his eyes. Calvin smells like vanilla soap and aftershave, which is an endearingly nice combination, and Miles noses against his neck. Fingers run through his hair gently and he can hear Calvin’s breath in his ear. They might getinto trouble for taking so long to get back, but Calvin’s warm and his voice shuts the thoughts up in Miles’s head, and he doesn’t want to move an inch.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next morning, he gets a text from Calvin asking how the rehearsal dinner went.
Me: Fucking terrible
Cat-vin: That bad?
Me: Some drunk guy jumped into the lake!! I think it was Bridget’s ex or something!!
After an unreasonably long time texting back-and-forth, Miles finally gets to work.
Breakfast and lunch time at the dining room are crowded, which is to be expected since all their rooms are booked for the wedding. Bridget’s running around with Jeff chasing her, and Miles has to hand it to Jeff—he seems to be the solid, patient counterpart to Bridget.
The wedding’s going to start at five p.m., which means they still have a lot of time to go. Bridget never got that memo, unfortunately.She’s hauling her wedding coordinator around, checking on table pieces, and making sure the wedding arch is set up at a place with a great view of the lake. The chairs are lined up beautifully and once the florist comes, it’s going to look even better.
Mom and Gabby are running around a lot as well. Megan’s here too, having snagged a uniform from the staff lounge, and taking videos of the place—something about a before and after video for the wedding set-up.
