“You two fought at the festival because of me,” he says softly. “You fought on the podcast because of me.”
“Neither of those was your fault. Besides, what does that have to do with you not listening to the song on your own time?”
“I thought…” His voice trails off, because even as much as he wants to have this conversation and be clear about what he feels, he still has a hard time acknowledging the jealousy in him. It makes him feel small and pathetic.
Calvin reads right through him, anyway. “I told you I don’t care about my ex anymore. That song was for you. I sang it for everyone to hear, and you didn’t even bother to listen to it.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He can’t stand how furious and hurt Calvin sounds, and his hand twitches to touch him. He really, really wants to touch him. “I wish I wasn’t so dumb and that I could take it back. I should have been there, listening to it for the first time, along with everyone else. I probably would have told Mom immediately, sent it to everyone on my phone, sang it all day even if you hate my singing,because you wrote me asong.And you sang it, too. Also, so you know, I did do all that—delayed, but I did. I’m never going to shut up about this song, and I’m pretty sure my university buddies are about to kick me out from our group chats.”
That must be the right thing to say because Calvin blushes and looks away. “Don’t let it get to your head,” he grits out. He looks down and tucks his chin against his chest, his lower lip jutting out. “We were already working on the song but put it on hold because of the band breaking up. While I was in Ridgeford, I rehashed the words and made it about you. Then the band got back together again, and the producers asked us to record the song for a new release, and Chase said we should use the new lyrics I came up with. It pissed Theo off that it was about you, and he refused to do vocals. So, I said I’d do it myself.”
He sounds defensive, and Miles finds it incredibly endearing. Miles isn’t going to survive this, not with how his heart is racing.
“I should’ve been there for the release,” Miles says. “I really am incredibly sorry for the shit I pulled. I wish I could take it back.”
All he gets for that is a disgruntled noise.
“Hey,” Miles murmurs. His heart beats loudly in his chest and maybe it’s too early to say what he’s going to say next, but he needs to. He owes it to Calvin to let him know. “I’m falling ridiculously in love with you.”
“Miles—”
“I can be a real mess sometimes. But… you. You’re incredible. The fact that you even talk to me is a mystery. You do so much for me, and we’re amazing together, and despite that I don’t deserve you—yourex deserves you even less, by the way—I’d really, really like to try. Because I’m falling ridiculously in love with you.”
Calvin cracks a smile which he hides behind a hand, his ears flaming red. “Miles, c’mon.”
“I can’t stop thinking of you. You’ve ruined me for anyone else.”
“Stop acting like I’m so perfect. I let people walk all over me.”
Miles shakes his head. “No. You’re selfless and loyal. There’s a difference.”
“I should’ve given up on trying to save our band a long time ago. But you should know I’m never going to regret any of my songs. Even if you hate them. I’ve been over my ex for a very long time, but I still love the songs I wrote.”
“Yeah… yeah, of course. I get that. I shouldn’t have made you feel like shit for that.” Miles stares at him for a long while, memorizing every detail like he always does. He’s already mixing colors in his mind. “I was being stupid. Can we please pick up from where we left off?”
Calvin’s eyes shift around the room and Miles thinks, horrified, that he’s going to say no.
Then, slowly, Calvin runs a hand through his damp hair. He exhales and says, “… Yeah. I’d like that.”
Miles’s grin spreads and there’s so much happiness in him he can’t contain it. Calvin’s expression softens, and he finally meets his eyes, smiling back at him wide enough for his dimples to show. Miles could shout at the top of his lungs, run an hour on the treadmill, lift all the weights in this damn room.
Instead, he swings his legs over the bench and sits next to Calvin,cupping his face and leaning forward. Calvin meets him halfway and kisses him, slow and tentative, as if they haven’t done this before. After the first few kisses, Miles presses in deeper, puts a hand in Calvin’s hair and kisses him open-mouthed.
Calvin’s breathless when he pulls away. “Sorry. I’m all sweaty and disgusting.”
“No, you’re really hot and that was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had. I should go to the gym more often, if this is what I’ll see.”
“Shut up.” Calvin punches him lightly on the arm.
“I listened to your new song so much the app said I was a top listener,” Miles admits. He rubs a thumb against Calvin’s knee. The gym isn’t romantic at all, with all its equipment and harsh lights, but Miles doesn’t want to move an inch.
“Did you like it?”
“Obviously! Why didn’t you tell me you were singing?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise, dumbass. You ruined it.”
Miles kisses him again to remind him that he truly is very sorry for that. “I’ll be at all your future releases. I’m not even kidding. You’re never going to be able to get rid of me.”
