“I’m better than okay. I feel happy, for the first time, I think, since Jack died.”
I rest my lips on her hair, thinking about her words. Then I say, “Do you think he’d like the thought of us seeing each other?”
“He’d love that I’ve broken up with Rob, and I know he adored you, so yeah, I’m sure he would.”
“That was a nice thing to say.” I look out to sea, thinking about her words. Guys don’t talk about their feelings, but we trusted one another, and we were close.
“Cullen… If your positions had been reversed, would you have blamed him for your death?”
“No.”
“Would you have wanted him to punish himself for it?”
I don’t reply, but the answer is also no.
“I know you’re not ready to let it go yet,” she says. “But you will be. Have faith.”
I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of her in my arms, the touch of another human being, such a small thing, but it feels like forgiveness.
Chapter Ten
Isla
A little later, after we’ve returned to the party, I’m mingling and chatting to people when someone says, “Isla? Can I have a word?”
I turn to see Nix smiling at me, and say, “Of course.”
She gestures with her head toward the Ark, and I follow her into the building’s main office.
Nix is Leon’s wife. She’s also his PA, which some of the others at the Ark think is funny because he used to be very strict about relationships in the workplace.
“Everything okay?” I ask as she perches on the edge of a table. The place is empty, the fairy lights on the tree twinkling gently.
“Yes, fine.” She hesitates. “I’m sorry to do this now… I’d hoped to catch you earlier in the week, but it’s just been crazy busy.”
“That’s okay, no worries.”
“I wanted to see you before the holidays though, as I wasn’t sure how long you’d be staying for.”
I perch on the table opposite her. “I have the bach until January the second. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing after that.”
She’s a pretty woman, with blonde hair she wears in braids pinned up like a Viking shield maiden. “That’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. I hope you don’t mind, but Leon mentioned to me that you’d had some trouble at home. If you’d rather not talk about it, that’s absolutely fine, and I hope I haven’t upset you by saying that.”
“Not at all.” I’m a little embarrassed, but I know they weren’t just gossiping. Beth told me that Leon has delivered apresentation to the prime minister on domestic violence, and so obviously Nix knows a lot about it too.
“I just wanted to say that if there’s anything Leon or I can help with, you only have to ask. We have a lot of connections through the Women’s Refuge.”
My face heats. “Oh, I think you may have the wrong impression. I’m not, like, a battered wife or anything.”
I thought she’d feel awkward about suggesting it, but to my surprise she just meets my gaze calmly. “Violence is violence, Isla. There are lots of women in your position. No matter what level of abuse they’ve suffered, none of them are victims, none of them deserve what they’ve suffered, and none of them should be embarrassed about what they’ve been through.”
I swallow hard against a sudden wave of emotion. “You’re right,” I say in a husky voice. “I’m sorry.”
Her expression softens. “You have absolutely nothing to feel sorry about. I’ve talked to a lot of women in your position and written up the interviews for Leon’s work with the Ministry, so I have a little understanding of the issues you might be facing with deciding what to do. I just wanted to say that if you need any help, you can always come to us—him or me.”
I hesitate, looking at my hands. My wedding ring glitters in the fairy lights. I haven’t been able to face taking it off yet. It’s supposed to symbolize eternal love. I was prepared to try to make it work. But what do I do when my husband has made the marriage untenable?
I look back up at her. She has kind eyes, and even though it’s hard to ask for help, this seems like a good place to start.
