I smile and lean forward as well, so our arms are only an inch apart. “I like you too,” I murmur shyly.
“I’m floundering a bit,” he admits. “I thought my stay in Sunrise Bay was going to be temporary. But I hadn’t planned to enjoy working at the Ark so much. I didn’t expect to have that offer from Archer, and for him to become such a good friend. And I didn’t plan on meeting you.”
My heart’s racing, but even though I’m breathing faster, I stay still, worried about breaking the spell.
“I don’t know what to do,” he admits honestly. “I know you’re married, and I don’t want to interfere if there’s any hope of you getting back with your husband.”
“There isn’t,” I say immediately.
He hesitates. “I understand why you think that because of what he did to you and Max. But I don’t want to be the reason—”
“You’re not.” I speak firmly. “Whether I’d met you or not, I wouldn’t be going back to Rob. I need to tell you something.” I drop my gaze to the table and scratch at a mark on the wood. “After he hit me, I stayed with my parents for a few days. We’donly had the news about Jack a few weeks before, and I was very emotional. My parents didn’t want me to go back to him. But he kept coming around, and he insisted it was a one-off, and that it had only happened because he was drunk. He said he was going to stop drinking, and, like a fool, I believed him. I didn’t want to give up on my marriage.”
He frowns, and I’m sure he’s wondering why a woman would choose to stay when she’s been abused.
“I didn’t want to be a failure,” I say simply.
That makes his frown lift, and he nods. “I understand that.”
“But the thing is, every time he approached me, you know, for sex, the thought of what he’d done made me recoil. We went to couples counseling to try to reestablish some intimacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him, or to forget what he’d done. So… we haven’t slept together since it happened.”
“Really?”
I nod. “The thing is… I like sex.” I give an embarrassed laugh, and his lips curve up. “I don’t want to live without it, but it was becoming clear to me that it wasn’t going to happen with Rob. So I’d started to think about leaving him anyway. To be honest, I feel as if my marriage ended last Christmas. We’ve only been roommates since then. And then he hit Max. I’m trying to say that what he did to him was the straw that broke the… you know. The final nail in the coffin, or whatever other cliche you want to use. My marriage is over. I’m going to see a lawyer once I decide where I’m going to live. I want a divorce. I want to move on.”
His gaze is gentle. “Okay,” he says softly.
I nibble my bottom lip. “I’m not saying I expect anything from you. I’m floundering, too. But…” I pause, my gaze sliding to his mouth the same way his did to mine earlier. I imagine leaning forward and pressing my lips to his. I want to kiss him.I want that intimacy with a man again, and I want to show him that I like him.
“I know,” he says. “Me too.”
We’re stopped from saying more as the waiter comes out with our meals. I call to Max, who comes running over, carefully navigating the zebra crossing with Ghost before sitting at the table. Ghost has a drink and lies at our feet, and we tuck into our meals.
Max is hungry after racing around with the dog, and he demolishes a good two thirds of the small pizza before declaring he’s full. Cullen and I take a bit longer to finish our meals, savoring every mouthful. The lasagna is full of rich and creamy bechamel sauce, tomato-flavored mince, and tender pasta, and it’s absolutely delicious.
I offer Cullen a mouthful, and he gives me a bite of his carbonara, creamy and peppery. It occurs to me that we look like a couple, feeding each other from our forks, with our boy sitting between us, chatting about our day.
That makes me think about Max, and my mind wanders back again to what I’m doing here. Cullen and I have both declared our interest in each other, but what does it mean, exactly? Any man I meet in the future is going to have to be okay taking on a child who isn’t his. Cullen said, ‘I know you come as a package,’ so he’s obviously aware of that. Clearly, he gets on with Max. But Cullen saying he finds me attractive is a huge step from declaring an interest in anything other than a fling.
Maybe a fling would be enough for now. But as I watch him sipping his wine and talking to Max about their day, it occurs to me that I’d like more than a fling.
Or am I just thinking that because I’m on the rebound and afraid of being alone? It’s ridiculous to be thinking about the Future with a capital F before we’ve even kissed.
I have a slight headache now, so I push my worries away and concentrate on finishing my lasagna.
Afterward, Max declares his pizza has gone down and he’d like an ice cream, so we decide to get one fromScoops by the Seaand eat them while we walk back to the house.
We get up from the table, and Max skips along the path to the café to look at the flavors while we get the bill.
“I’m happy to pay a little extra because of Max’s pizza,” I say to Cullen, “rather than go halves.”
“Not at all,” he insists firmly. “This is my treat. It was my idea to go to dinner.”
I catch his eye. “If you pay for me, that makes it a date.”
We study each other for a moment.
“Is that a problem?” he asks.
