“It won best in the world. Of course we’re going with Umpqua’s blue cheese,” Ryder said into his phone as he paced from one desk to the other. “Why would you think I said brie?”
I tapped my pen on the pad and read the list again. On one side, I’d written the name of everyone with enough power to actually smuggle Odin’s weapon into town. After I’d listed all the gods and goddesses, I’d added Bathin, Xtelle, and Avnas. I’d put little question marks after their names because I had no idea if a demon could transport a god’s weapon.
On the other side, I’d listed everyone in town who had a complaint about Odin.
Unfortunately, that list was even longer.
So now I was compiling a new column titled: Likely To Do This Now and Why. I started with the complaints I’d heard over the last six months or so.
Zeus insisted Odin’s chainsaw art cheapened the aesthetics of the town. Chris Lagon, our local gilman, wanted Odin to shower before he came into the brew pub because he was driving away customers. Crow complained Odin had handed him a pile of fir twigs instead of the display stands he’d promised for Crow’s glass shop.
I’d already handled all the complaints. No one had taken things to the next level.
Unless stealing his spear from under god lock and key was the next level.
“Well, you didn’t say it was on sale,” Ryder put his hand over the bottom of the phone his gaze searching me out, as if I’d wandered off since the last time he’d tried to share cheese information with me two minutes ago. “They’ll do a deal,” he whispered.
I smiled and nodded.
“Cheese.” He frowned at me. “The good cheese, Laney.”
I gave him a thumb’s up and went back to my list.
“Well, screw you too.”
I widened my eyes. “What was that?”
He yanked the phone away from his ear and scowled at it while punching it with his finger several times.
“Coupons?” he snarled. “They’re gonna give me a 5% off coupon if we order the cheese now? I can find a 30% coupon on one of those online Big Deal pages. You know what? I’m calling the Better Business Bureau. This is my wedding we’re talking about here, and I’m not going to let some…some…cheese squeezersin bullpuck Oregon rip us off.”
Myra looked up from where she was going through the security video Odin had given us from his property. I hadn’t known Odin had cameras installed. They covered most of his front porch. Too bad the package had been dropped on the other side of the bush next to the porch, just out of the camera’s range.
Myra stared at Ryder, who was red faced and making a sound in his chest somewhere between a growl and a snarl. She mouthed:What the hell?
I made I-have-no-idea eyes, and stood away from my desk to go over to him.
“Hey,” I said, like I was approaching a snarling landmine. “Hey, honey. Hey, there big guy. Hey. How about,” I put my hand on his wrist, “we just put the phone down for a second.”
He stopped dialing and glared at me. “What?”
“We don’t have to get worked up over cheese.”
“Worked up?” It came out loud, and I just gave him a look.
He exhaled. “Okay, I heard that. That was…a little much.”
“A little,” I repeated. “Just a little worked up.”
“But this is cheese, Delaney. Did you hear what they said? Five percent off? For crappy brie and second-rate blue cheese?”
“I thought it won awards.”
“It’s obviously not the quality it used to be.”
I was really putting some pressure on his wrist now, and he was fighting it, the phone still clamped between his fingers.
“Okay. So we’ll find a different cheese.”
