I focused on her, all my will, all my intention, and gently gathered the thin, thinner, thinnest cloth of Stella into my palm. It was like trying to catch the frozen wind and fold it into a pocket square.
For a moment, I thought I’d waited too long. That I was too late and she would be lost, torn apart into tatters, shattered inside of Lu, but then I could feel the weight, feather-light in my palm, becoming heavier and heavier as I flexed my fingers and drew more of her toward me.
It felt like I was suspended there forever, pulling the ghost’s soul and spirit to me, while Lu called to me. I wanted nothing more than to run straight into the fire of Lu.
And then…
….I pulled.
“Dotty?” Stella was sitting in the chair in the corner, just as I had first seen her, the knitting unspooled in her lap, needles tucked into the ball of ghostly yarn. She looked shocky, blurry at the edges, weak and thin, as if shadows had eaten up the bulk of her.
I was still standing in the middle of the little side table, but had swiveled my hips to throw Stella like I’d been hauling on a rope.
I twisted to face Lu again.
She had collapsed against the headboard. Her eyes were open and staring blankly at the edge of the wall where it met the ceiling.
Dot held her hand and was shifting to one side to give Lu room to stretch out. Encouraging her to wake up.
“It’s okay,” Dot said. “Everything’s okay. You’re okay. Just keep breathing. Can you hear me? Are you okay?”
I exhaled and took one more dangerous step closer to Lu. When I stretched out my hand, it trembled. I gently brushed her cheek.
“Come on, love. You need to come back for me.”
A heartbeat, two, then life filled her blank eyes and she blinked.
“There, now, there.” Dot patted Lu’s hand and fussed with the coverlet, moving it so Lu’s legs could unbend from the cross they were in. “Let me help you lie down. Just Lu, not Stella now, right? Lu?”
Lu groaned softly and dragged her hand up to her head like there was a bowling ball attached to it.
She squeezed her eyes closed, and another soft groan escaped her lips.
“Lu?” Dot asked.
“Yes,” Lu barely breathed.
“Water? Aspirin?” Dot was on her feet. She’d dried her face and wiped her tear-streaked fingers on her pants. She was all business now, and I appreciated that she was putting Lu’s needs in front of her own need to process the conversation with her sister. The forgiveness, the reminder of love.
“Yes,” Lu barely whispered. She was moving like she was weighted down by boulders, working her legs out one at a time, inch by inch, as she slowly rolled onto her side, away from the window.
“I’ll be right back. Stella, Brogan, keep an eye on her.” Dot’s cheeks were hot red, but she nodded to the chair where Stella was sitting, as if it were totally natural to talk to an empty space.
“We will,” Stella said, happiness coloring her voice. She was starting to look a little more solid, and upon hearing her sister use her name, didn’t seem quite so in shock. “Is Lu okay?”
“She will be.” I tried not to blame her for Lu’s condition, but obviously I wasn’t all that successful.
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t find my way back. There were too many, so much…her life…oh, Brogan, how do either of you hold on? How are you both still alive?”
“Love,” I said, not looking away from Lu. I bent and brushed my fingertips across her hair, wishing I could tuck it behind her ear as she curled up, her face, pressed into the soft pillow, paler than the white fabric.
She stretched one hand out across the remaining space of the bed, looking for me, reaching for me.
“I’m here. I got you.” I opened and closed my hands a couple times, reminding myself that I couldn’t get lost in her again. Not if we were both going to come out of this alive.
I lowered myself to the edge of the bed and stretched in the narrow space there, facing her, my arm up over the top edge of her pillow, my other arm across her waist, hand resting on her back.
She tipped her head down more, instinctively knowing where my chest was, needing to burrow in closer to me.
