I heard her, really I did. But it was just so preposterous, such a ridiculous request, I responded the only way I could. I laughed.
“No,” I said. “Absolutely not.”
“But…why?”
I held up a finger. “You lied about being a demon. You didn’t sign the contract all demons are required to sign if they want to enter into Ordinary.” Another finger. “You messed with my sister.” And one more finger, though this one a little less willingly. “You messed with her boyfriend.”
“My son? My demon son, Bathin?Thatboyfriend? You won’t let me spend well deserved—verywell deserved—vacation time in your crappy little beach town because I was curious about my son’s love life?”
“You made a weapon he thought he had to use on himself.”
“Pffft. It was just a little pair of scissors.”
“That he thought would kill him.”
“But they didn’t, did they? I get no credit for being considerate about my betrayals.”
The dragon pig growled again, and this time it sounded hungry.
“I don’t know why you stay with her,” she said to the dragon pig. “You can see she’s going to turn on you, too, someday. Humans are so predictable.”
The dragon pig roared, a sound entirely too large for an animal that small, and a space this enclosed. My ears rang, but it made me smile.
“Eeep!” Xtelle scooted behind my seat. “Delaney? Delaney?” She fluttered her impossibly long eyelashes at me in the mirror. “You know you and I have so much in common.”
I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t encourage her. “Name one thing you and I have in common.”
“We both want to live in Ordinary, we enjoy ruling over our family, we agree that butt warmers are a necessity.”
“I don’t want butt warmers.”
She tipped her head so that her mouth curved up in a weird little smile. “Delaney, I am a demon. I can see mortal desires. You want butt warmers.”
“I don’t.” But I kind of did. Especially since she kept talking about it.
“But you do. You want a warm butt. Ooooo. So warm. Mmmm. Warm butt.”
“Six, five, four, threetwoone,” I said. “Out. And don’t go tramping around as a unicorn where mortals can see you.”
“You’re not the boss of me. Not here outside Ordinary.”
“All right. Forget about the volcano. I’ll just tell my dragon to eat you.”
“I…you wouldn’t. That thing…” Her eyes were wild, jotting from me to the dragon pig.
The dragon pig seemed happy with her state of panic. It growled constantly, a low rumbling purr.
“In one bite, Xtelle,” I said. “Horn to hoof.”
She sucked in her bottom lip and the top one wobbled for a moment. “You’re mean.”
I was going to agree, but she disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.
“Huh,” I said. “Strawberries and fire. Jame was right.” I twisted to look in the back seat. I wouldn’t put it past her to turn into a floor mat or pebble or a fly.
I had no idea how Myra had put up with her for the short time we’d actually believed she was a unicorn and not a demon in disguise.
I readjusted the mirror, then glanced over at the dragon pig. “Is she in the car?”
