I didn’t know her daughter’s shifts, but I nodded and took notes in a little book. “Don’t you think it might have been a bear?”
“It was carrying light bulbs.”
I looked up from my notes and raised my eyebrows, giving her my patented I-don’t-really-believe-you look. “Light bulbs.”
“Yes. Look, I know how this sounds. But I saw Bigfoot. The real Bigfoot! Tall, hairy, ape-like…but with these eyes.”
“Uh-huh. Do you want to describe Bigfoot’s eyes?”
“They were round, and…soft. Gentle. I think Bigfoot is just a gentle misunderstood creature. Poor thing.”
What Bigfoot was, was a kleptomaniac with a weird fascination with light bulbs.
“Well, I don’t think Bigfoot is real, Mrs. Kestner. I think what you saw was a bear.”
“No. It was much taller than a bear. And the light bulbs!”
“Don’t you think those might have been marshmallows? We’ve had reports of campers who lost some food out of their coolers.” That was a lie. I was covering for the big lug who was going to get an earful from me real soon.
“We thought it might be raccoons,” I went on, “but I see we need to get the rangers out here to make sure the bears in the area are tagged.”
“But…Bigfoot. I’m sure of it.”
“Did he stink?”
“What?”
“Everyone knows that Bigfoot stinks worse than hot garbage.”
This was actually a lie we’d sowed into the public myth of Bigfoot years ago. It helped throw people off the whole Bigfoot thing, because in truth, Bigfoot liked his cologne.
“Well, no, I didn’t smell anything like that. There was a scent though. I’ve smelled it before.” She frowned then snapped her fingers. “Axe cologne. I smelled Axe cologne. Tell me, Officer, what kind of bear wears Axe cologne?”
“The kind that breaks into a campsite and chews on everything, including the camper’s toiletries,” I covered smoothly. “That was part of the report from last night. Food missing, camp torn up. We checked it out, and the bear got into all their supplies. Frankly, destroying that cologne was an act of kindness on the part of the bear.”
I grinned and invited her to join in.
But she just deflated. “You really don’t think it was Bigfoot?”
“Do you have any pictures or video that could change my mind?”
“No. No, I was so startled. And by the time I got my phone out of my pocket, it was gone. Faded into the trees and shadows like nothing had even been there. It didn’t make a sound. Don’t you think a bear would have made a sound?”
“I think you were startled, it was late at night after a long day, and adrenalin does funny things.”
“True. That’s true. So, a bear?”
“They really are big when they’re up on their back legs. And if we have a grizzly in the area, that’s an even bigger fellow.”
“So, should I avoid any particular area?”
“Just don’t hike after sunset for a few days. Just to be safe. I’ll contact the rangers and they’ll make sure any bears in the area are tagged and can be tracked. If we’re lucky, this one’s just wandering through to its home territory.”
“Don’t hike at night,” she repeated.
“That’s it. And if you happen to see anything like that again, even if it actually is Bigfoot,” I paused to give her a tolerant smile, “don’t approach it, don’t take flash photography, don’t do anything to startle it. Just call us again. Even if it’s the middle of the night, okay?”
“I have a gun. I could hike with a gun.”
