Not that Ordinary had a bomb squad. We’d have to pull in someone fromSalem.
“It’s not dangerous,” Bertie said. “But it is a problem I do not have time tosolve.”
“Uh-huh. You know what’s inthere?”
“I opened it. Of course I know what’s inthere.”
“So?”
“So?”
“So tell me what’s init.”
“Agnome.”
Oh. Well, that wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Since it was only eleven o’clock in the morning, I knew it had to be a statue at themoment.
“Aw...it’s got to be a tiny wee one to fit in there.” I pulled open the lid of the box and peeked in. “Holyshit!”
“Language, OfficerReed.”
“That’s not agnome!”
Bertie dragged the box toward her with one sharpened fingernail. Tipped the box so she could see thecontents.
“Red hat, bushy beard, round face, statue. Looks like a gnome to me.” She let the box fall back and dusted her fingertips across herthumb.
“It’s a head. It’s just ahead.”
“If you must be technical, yes. But it’s still agnome.”
I glared at her. Was that a small curve at the corners of her mouth? Was she enjoying this? Had the jump scare been her idea offun?
I grinned. “Okay, that was pretty good.” I looked in the box again. Now that I wasn’t so spooked by my bad feeling, and surprised by the faded, chipped, one-eye-missing and nose-be-gone gnome decapitation in a box, I noted what I should have from thebeginning.
“It’s headless Abner’s head, isn’tit?”
“Yes,” Bertie agreed. “Itis.”
“When did you findit?”
“It was...delivered to me thismorning.”
“Bywhom?”
“Let’s sayfriends.”
“Let’s say the friends’names.”
“That is wholly beside the point. Thepointis that Abner has been missing. I know that because I pay attention to what is going on around me, and not because I have a gnomespy.”
“You have a gnome spy don’tyou?”
She took a drink out of a delicate pink tea cup with gold scrollwork and tiny black flowers. There was also an etching of a human skull nestled in all that pink and the words,Blood, Sweat, and Teascrawled across thebottom.
“The gnomes are your responsibility this year, am Icorrect?”
“Nice pivot. You should get into politics.” I stuck the lollypop back in my mouth and crunched on it a bit. I’d almost broken through to the chocolate middle. “What do you want me to do with the head? Have you any idea where the bodyis?”
