“You should install a brake on that brain ofyours.”
“What, and give up all the random scheming? You’d missit.”
“All right. Say I would. How about you scheme our way out of the thundergnome that’s about to go downhere.”
I chuckled. “All alive gnomes of Ordinary,” I started in an authoritative tone I’d heard Delaney use since I was six years old and she’d decided she was the boss of me, my stuffed animals, and our cat that, according to her, didn’t like rides in the clothesdryer.
How did she know what the cat liked? She couldn’t speakcat.
“You will not forget that, while you are alive, there are rules you must follow to remain in this town. You may not harm any human, creature, or god or else you will beexiled.”
There was a collective gnomey gasp, and a whispered “gno!” though I couldn’t tell who saidit.
“You are a creation of Ordinary. Agift.”
Ha! A curse, more like, or spell. But from their perspective, I had to assume they considered life agift.
“Outside of this town, you will no longer be alive. You will be stone statues every day and night of the year. So I suggest you choose your new leader peacefully.Understand?”
They still stood there, staring at me. Oh, right. I had to say the magic words. One of them sort of“meep”ed.
“Greenlight.”
And that’s when the gnomesattacked.
Okay.Attackedmight be a little dramatic. They were small. And shuffley and had flat teeth. But they were also armed with hoes and pick axes and purple apples and a gun, forchrissake.
For being such little things, they could carry a hell of a punch if they got in punchingrange.
When they all closed in as quickly as their little flat-cone legs could take them, they were a force to be reckonedwith.
“Red light,” Icommanded.
Yeah, we were way past that. They just kept shuffling. At least they hadn’t gotten to chantingyet.
“Whose gnight? Gnomes’s gnight!” A brown-bearded fellow with a wheelbarrowsaid.
And yep. Here came thechant.
“Whose gnight? Gnomes’s gnight! Whose gnight? Gnomes’sgnight!”
“So I’m gonna go ahead and call for backup,” Hattersaid.
“Naw, we’ll just round themup.”
He looked down at the pointy hatted mob. “Don’t think I have cuffs thatsmall.”
“These are gnomes, Hatter. Cuffs don’t work.” I reached into my jacket pocket, and pulled out two thin paper packets. I tossed one toHatter.
He caught it, turned it between his fingers. Read the front. “Radishseeds.”
I ripped the top off of my packet of carrot seeds. “Sprinkle like your life depends on it,” I said with achuckle.
Hatter took me at my word. He tore open the packet and sprinkled, casting out far past our shuffling hoard, while I did thesame.
The tiny, and I do mean tiny, radish and carrot seeds tumbled into the dampgrass.
As soon as they hit the ground the gnomes all cheered, “Seeds!”
