Pure pleasure rushed through me, bringing a smile to my face and a release of pent-up energy. My body completely collapsed, sinking deeper into my mattress, my hand falling away from the pressure I had held in between my legs. I dropped the little pink womanizer, my literal life saver, created by the one and only Lily Allen.
I’d owned many overused sex toys in my life. Some may say that I began my sexual explorations young. Because a toy I could trust, a toy always had my back, and a toy also always finished the job correctly. A toy could give you a feeling, that was nothing short of absolute bliss, and complete relaxation.
A toy could make you feel like the absolute queen that you knew that you were deep down. A feeling that was regularlysquashed by the majority of the hours of the day we had to live inside such a structured man’s world.
God bless Lily Allen.
I lulled my head into the pillow as the joy running through my bones began to fade. The reality of my life--of what I had to do and get ready for, the many lists that were running through my mind--reappeared. This was the moment that I would usually reach for Lily again, just to see if I could extend the feeling a little longer. But this time, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Because today I wasn’t going to work. No, in fact, I wasn’t going to work for a couple of days. Maybe I wouldn’t have to ever go back to work, at least not my regular workplace of MC’s business solutions. The place I spent my time getting yelled at by my overly perfectionist boss, about things that didn’t even make sense. He wanted me to be progressive but not too creative. He wanted me to think outside the box while also sticking to things that I knew didn’t work. Every single day I stepped through the doors, I knew a little bit of my soul was dying. It didn’t matter what I did, in my boss's eyes, I couldn’t do it right.
Work was slowly drowning my actual business coaching skills, with the boring old clients that we kept attracting. I sighed, shaking my head out the thoughts that were ruining my post orgasm glow. None of that mattered anymore. Soon it wasn’t going to be my reality. And now when I thought about what was just a closing chapter in my life. I was nothing but happy for it, deeply grateful in fact. Because if I hadn’t letmyself get so miserable. Then there was no way that I would be here right now, right here. With a smile on my face so wide, my cheeks stung thinking about the upcoming days that lay ahead of me.
I was about to spend four whole days alone with Henry.
My stomach did a couple of flips as goosebumps raised on my arms. I don’t know why that always happened to me in moments of excitement. I would always watch my skin turn into thousands of little of bumps. I thought that was only meant to happen when you were scared or nervous, but they covered me when I was filled with excitement, love, happiness. And thinking of that, knowing how much I wanted to keep my cool, stick to my game strategy, I went to reach for Lily again. I felt like I needed her, to completely release me, leave no sexual energy left in my entire body. I didn’t know if that was even possible, but I needed to follow through the successful strategy that I had learned through listening to many of the expert podcasts and then running through it with friends.
My two new best friends, Lotte and Raven had helped me come up with an expert plan to create the deepest, unconditional love over the next couple of days. I was going to make him mine. It was foolproof. But a part of that plan meant not jumping him as soon as I saw him, which had previously been found very hard to do. If I sorted out my needs now, maybe it would make that part of the plan a little bit easier. Another quick session with Lily wouldn’t hurt.
I reached for my little pink friend as my whole body jumped, my phone began vibrating loudly on the table. I grabbed it, rolling over onto my back to see Elyse, my sister, blowing up my phone.
“Hello,” I said, answering it instantly.
“Well, hello, stranger, wow. You actually answered. I can’t remember the last time I was this surprised.”
I rolled my eyes, keeping my mouth closed. I wasn’t in the mood for drama or what I knew would become a petty fight between us. This conversation could end like most of ours did, with either of us getting triggered by nothing but a couple of harmless words that we didn’t need to get so riled up about. I wasn’t going to let that happen today, I couldn’t let that happen today because there wasn’t one thing in the single world that could ruin my high right now. I was living my dream, and for once, maybe just once, she would feel that for me too.
“Well, I don’t know if I told you,” I said sitting up in bed, looking out the window, glaring out at the sky from where I was sitting in my one-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. Other than the sky, my view was the inside of the apartment building across the road, which today, I was glad that the guy who would sit in the window, playing video games for at least eight hours a day, had his blinds down. Otherwise, he would have seen all the fun I was having with Lily. I made a note to pull my blinds down, next time I took myself back to bed for a quickie.
“I don’t know if I told you, but I have a lot of new friends now, I’m also seeing someone pretty amazing, I’m not avoiding you. I’m just busy,” I said. I could just imagine her taking my words in with judgement. Sitting there with her too tight black bun, her pale faced make-up with her perfectly penciled brows and dark lip liner. Her daily look was one that screamed, ‘don’t fuck with me.’ The two of us really couldn’t be more opposite.
I was busy and I had made a lot more friends over the past couple of weeks. But the reason that I never picked up when she called was because I didn’t want to fall into one of our petty fights, I didn’t want to be judged for anything that I was initially excited to tell her. Whenever I did answer, it was always hard to get her off the phone in a reasonable time. Not that I ever had anything else on, I just wasn’t a long phone call kind of girl. And most of the time the phone calls were so long because she was too busy talking about every single detail that had happened in her life that I couldn’t even get a word in. It was either that, or we would end up in a fight. That seemed to be happening even more lately now we lived so far away from each other. Elyse lived at home in Philadelphia where we grew up, and I had become a Brooklyn girl.
Elyse and I had always butted heads. She never agreed with the way that I lived my life, and I would never expect her to because there’s no way that I would ever want to live my life the way that she lived hers.
That was something else that I had learned from one of my favorite podcasts. Never take advice from someone who hasn’tbeen where you have, and who isn’t where you want to go. My sister was that. We were that to each other. While knowing that, she was still automatically the first person I called anytime that I had news to share, because still she was my older sister, and still I wanted her support. I wanted her approval, and I wanted to revel in the excitement that was my life. It was exactly why she was the first person that I called when I met Henry, and it was exactly why I answered now.
“Oh my God, would you relax you’ve literally had new friends for two weeks calm down,” she scoffed through the phone, and I instantly felt my shoulders raise.
“And in that time, I’ve only missed two of your phone calls so I think that you should relax,” I snapped back as I heard her sigh through the phone.
“Look, I didn’t call you to start a fight…”
“You called me because you once again have a spare minute to yourself, and you can’t handle longer than ten minutes being in your own head?” I said through the phone, in my best matter-of-factly tone. Because I was right, I knew I was right, and Elyse knew that I was right too. But she would never own up to it or admit that I was right. It didn’t matter, I was now the one turning this into what could become a catty fight and that was the last thing that I wanted. I didn’t want to feel like this, and I didn’t want to fight. I wanted to enjoy this conversation with her, I wanted to share my exciting news, and I wanted gush over what was now my life. I once again wanted her acceptance, and I wanted her to be happy for me.
Elyse sighed loudly though the phone again and I bit my lips shut. “I was actually just grabbing a coffee, and while I was waiting for it, I thought that I would try and call you again, since you hadn’t returned my call two days ago…”
So, I was right.
“Sorry,” I said, keeping my cool, “It was on my list of things to do,” I lied.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she said. I heard the muffle of a man in the background. Elyse whispered a thank you to him and I could hear her taking her first sip of coffee. “I was just calling you for a quick catch up, checking in to see what you were up to this weekend, if that guy was still around….”
“Yes,” I said, sitting up taller in bed. That last comment could have been a stab at how quickly she thinks that I move through men, which in reality is completely untrue. Elyse married my brother-in-law Jordan when she was twenty. They met at thirteen and never had to endure the world of dating at all, let alone dating online and dating in New York. “Henry is still around. I did only meet him two weeks ago, and I really mean it when I say that I’ve been busy. I’ve just been spending time with the girls, and with Henry, and this weekend is, well…” I couldn’t help but squeal. It just left my lips. The excitement that I had harboring inside my body was finally escaping, now I had someone to share it with.
“I’m actually not going to work today, I’m on vacation until Tuesday and today I’m heading away with Henry.” I paused, making sure that she took everything that I was saying inloud and clear before I dropped the most exciting part on her. “We’re heading to his private island for four days.” I bit my lips shut again and jumped out of bed, pacing around my studio apartment. My heart felt like it was doing constant flips around my chest. I shook my arms and legs out as I waited for Elyse’s reply. There was nothing but silence though the phone, until I heard her take a long sip of her coffee. The sound of a car door shutting, and the phone suddenly became clearer as I connected to her cars Bluetooth speakers.
“His private island?” she repeated the words slowly making sure that she heard me correctly.
Another thing that always seemed to come between Elyse and me was jealousy. “Yes, his private island,” I said again confidently, taking a seat back down at the edge of my bed. I still was coming to terms with the words coming out of my mouth. The only other person that I had spoken to about this was Lotte, who was now not only becoming one of the closest friends that I had in a long time but was also one of Henry’s closest friends. So, anything said to her, I kept my cool. Like this was completely normal. Like falling in love with the hottest, most open and loving man that I had ever laid eyes on in my life who also happened to be wildly successful, so successful he had had own private island just off the coast of the Hamptons. I was dying to see it and in a few short hours I would.
