‘My body is purging through so many emotions right now. I feel terribly anxious and for some reason this just feels right, to go our separate paths. I need to be alone to get clear. And, like you said the other day, you’re lost. I can’t do this again, I can’t get caught up in that again, Luc, I can’t,’ she said, she sounded so different, reserved, I knew she didn’t mean this. She couldn’t, could she?
‘No, I’m not lost, I’m not. I mean I was, but I’ve made my decision and it will all make sense how I was feeling before, how I showed up. I know it seems like I’m always apologising, and I am, too much, I fuck up more than you deserve. But I’m here this time, I promise, I am in this completely. I’m coming to your show tonight. Maybe you need to hold on to realise what it would be like to have someone stay,’ I said, my words speed up like hers. I stiffened in my seat and my voice pleaded, making sure she heard my every word and felt my honesty.
‘Luc, please, don’t, just don’t, you of all people should understand. I don’t want to repeat the past,’ she said.
‘We’re not in the past, Em, it’s here and now, and I’m ready for this. I am ready to show up for you one hundred percent. What else can I do to make you see this? What’s making you feel like this? Is it just that you’re scared of me leaving? Is it just that you feel as though we can’t move on from the past?’ I said.
‘I think when people show you who you are, you need to believe them. In the past I didn’t do this with you. In the past I knew you were lost, I knew we were a fantasy connection and I put myself in the exact firing line, to be hurt, to be proven that people leave once again. I think that’s what the painting showed me, maybe all along you were right. Associating dreams with clouds are because their untaggable. You can’t touch them, you can’t hold them, I, I can’t, I can’t go back Luc, I can’t,’ her voice sunk as did my heart as she cried through the phone. She paused and I could hear her sniffle. ‘I absolutely love you for exactly who you are. And… I always will. But this time I need to choose me.’
‘But I’m telling you now, I choose you, I should have always chosen you, I’m so fucking sorry, Emma.’ I choked on my words. ‘I thought I had found my home,’ I said, letting the tears fall aimlessly down my face.
‘And I thought I had found my forever… but we both know a home can’t be found in people or places. Please Luc, I have to go,’ she said, hanging up the phone.
Chapter 20 — Him
‘Have you got a ticket?’ An older bald man in a tux stood out the door in front of the gallery.
I patted my jean pockets. ‘Oh fuck, look I did, I must be on the list I’ve just forgotten to bring it with me.’
‘I don’t have a list of names I’m sorry I just need the QR code,’ he said, staring at me bluntly, as he took up the whole doorway.
‘Can I buy another one?’ I asked.
‘It’s sold out sorry. You might have to come back another night,’ he said.
‘Shit,’ I said, placing my hands on my head, pacing up and down the street. I stood back in front of the man covering the entrance, he had dark curly hair, his side burns were grey and the deep lines in his forehead and underneath his eyes told of many stories.
‘Look, I know I don’t have a ticket on me, but have you ever been in love?’ I said, standing in front of him wide eyed, I can’t believe that I was going to do this.
‘Many times,’ he chuckled, ‘hey, you look familiar, do I know you from anywhere?’ he said, squinting his eyes on to me.
‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘Look, I just need to get inside, the girl I love, work is on display tonight and well, we’ve been going through um, an interesting time to say the least and I just need to get in there, I just need to show her support, to tell her that I’m here for her. Can you please let me in?’ I pleaded.
‘Oh, I know you, you’re that singer, the DJ, yeah, my kids love you. Hey, do you reckon I could take a photo with you?’ he said, his eyes lit up as he reached for his phone out of his front pocket.
‘Where do you live?’ I asked.
‘Oh, I’m in the city only ten minutes from here. Why?’ He glared back at me, confused.
‘If you let me in right now, then I promise you after this show I will personally come to your house to meet your kids and we can take as many photos as you like,’ I said.
‘After the show?’ he said looking down at his watch, ‘I think that’s a perfect time for family desert. How do you feel about ice-cream?’ he said, cracking a large smile.
‘Great,’ I said, looking at the hallway behind him, and he took a step to the side.
I grabbed onto both his shoulders and held them tight, shaking him. ‘Thank you, I will never forget this,’ I said.
‘Good luck,’ he called out as I ran up the hallway swinging open the double doors, walking into what was a deadly silent gallery as both the doors slammed behind me. A crowd of people with champagne glasses in hand turned towards me, staring from every angle of the room. Emma was at the front of the room, with a microphone in hand, standing in front of a painting. The large piece boasted speckles of purple, blue, silver. A slightly abstract painting of the cosmos, it was exactly what I would imagine it looked like to sit amongst the stars and look down. Next to the painting read ‘Stardust’ by Emma Scully. It was beautiful, magical, breathtakingly stunning, it bought a smile to my face as I slowly walked through the crowd towards Emma. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes scared, and her forehead creased.
‘Um, er, hi everyone, I’m sorry, I’m very sorry for the loud entrance, I just, um, I’m a huge Emma Scully fan and I just was very excited about seeing this particular piece,’ I said, flashing an awkward smile around the room.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful,’ said an older woman standing next to Emma, she wore thick glasses and a lanyard around her neck. ‘Emma, please continue, and someone get this man a glass of champagne,’ she said, the crowd laughed. Emma’s cheeks turned red. She gulped down beginning to stutter into the microphone. God damn it, I’d ruined her dream, her magical moment.
‘Um, actually sorry, Emma, if you don’t mind I um, I have a couple of questions, about this particular piece.’ I said. She looked up at me, meeting my eyes.
‘Sure,’ she said bluntly into the microphone.
I was unsure whether I should just walk away, leave now, I didn’t know if I was digging a hole deeper for myself, but either way, I was here now. ‘Um, can I ask you what inspired this piece,’ I said, my voice cracked.
