I leaned in, kissing his cheek softly. ‘I think you’re a creator, and a really good one at that, that’s why you have thoughts like that, you see beyond the surface, it’s a gift, not something to shy away from. I knew someone much the same once. And she told me it was a good thing to question, but sometimes, actually a lot of the time you never get the answers you’re looking for. Sometimes you have to make them up yourself,’ I said. He smiled, kissing my cheek, flashing his blue eyes back at me.
‘Then what would be your answer? Why are the clouds associated with dreams?’ he said. A familiar lump rose in my throat, it was his words, a simple sentence almost made me feel as though I was talking to her again.
‘Because they’re mouldable, you can look up at them and turn them into whatever you want them to be. They’re vast and unlimited,’ I said, to me it was nonsense, I wanted to believe in all the stories, the mystery, the worlds that my mum had created beyond this one. But most days I struggled.
‘Why do you think they are?’ I asked.
He smiled cheekily, ‘I don’t know I guess it’s for the very same reason, their almost weightless, limitless and that in itself, is a very scary thing to think.’
‘Scary? I think it’s the opposite, it feels boundless, as though they’re a representation of possibilities,’ I said.
‘Exactly, that’s why they’re scary. In a world surrounded by possibilities. Which one do you take?’
I bit my lips closed, staring up at what was left of the clouds as the sun had almost set.
‘Can I ask you something?’ he said.
I nodded.
‘Why do you paint?’ he asked. I let go of his hand and sat up tall, tucking my knees into my chest and wrapping my arms around them, staring out at the view of the distant city. He sat up slowly next to me, placing his hand on my back.
‘I don’t know, I guess it’s the only way I have learnt how to truly express, well, anything, I guess. Why do you make music, why do you write songs?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know, I think if I question it too hard, I’ll lose it, I love it, I really do, I mean I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else, I just, sometimes I come here and wonder why I have all these dreams, you know?’ he said.
I shook my head, ‘no, I don’t know, you haven’t told me what it is that you want next,’ I said. He met my gaze, taking my hand from around my knees and holding it tightly with both of his, resting it in his lap, caressing my hand gently as I watched his eyes look down at my hands’ lines, his eyes became lost again, churning whatever it was that laid behind his eyes at a million miles per hour.
‘I don’t know what my next dream is, I think maybe that’s another reason I find you so inspiring. You’re always, watching, aware, I don’t know, you’re like driven but in a different way, I guess. It’s hard to put my finger on. I can’t explain you, it, it’s killing me,’ he said, letting out a little laugh.
‘But you’re the living example of your dreams, I’m still dreaming,’ I said.
He squeezed my hand tight. ‘But are we ever meant to stop?’
I shrugged, ‘I don’t know I guess that’s the goal, realising that your current reality is the dream, and you get to choose where it goes from here,’ I said. He nodded in agreement, kissing my forehead.
‘It’s getting dark, we better head back,’ said Lucas, he jumped up to his feet so quickly, letting go of my hand but then holding his out to help me up. He hugged me, kissing my cheek and then my neck. I giggled and hugged him back. ‘C’mon, Em, let’s go.’
We pulled into his driveway. ‘Are you hungry?’ he said as we sat in the parked car.
‘I could eat,’ I said.
He smiled. ‘I think I need to wash this day off me first. Then let’s go and grab something to eat.’
As we walked into his house, he led me through the wide white hallway to a cupboard, grabbing onto two towels. He held one out to me.
‘Is there anything you want to clean off as well?’ he asked. I’m sure there was. I wasn’t thinking about what had happened in my day when he asked me that question. My spine started to tingle at the thought of his hands on my body.
‘Yeah, I think that I could do with a good clean.’ I smirked, but he didn’t flirt back. He just looked at me, passing me the towel and then placing his hand on my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. He took my hand and walked me further up the hallway, turning left into his bathroom, closing the door behind us. He placed his towel on the sink and started lifting his black t-shirt over his head before unbuttoning his pants and slipping them off smoothly. I had been naked in front of him plenty of times before. But something about today made me a little nervous, hesitant to start undressing in front of him. I wasn’t exposing myself under his dimly lit room at night, or under the moonlight. I was standing in his lit-up bathroom. Where he could see all of me and suddenly it became apparent, I really cared what he thought of me. I unbuttoned my denim shorts, I popped open the last button and started to nervously wiggle it down past my hips till it dropped to the ground. I stepped out of the shorts that now lay on the bathroom floor. I looked up to see Lucas standing in front of me completely naked. My god, he was sexy. His body was perfect. The heat light from the bathroom shone brightly on the indents of his abs and hips. I was still wearing my button-up, white, cheap linen crop and stood in my white lace G-string. He walked towards me, placing his left hand around my hip and lowering it as he leaned in and kissed me. His lips were so soft on mine, my heartbeat sped but my breath slowed into rhythm with his. My body was pressed up tight to Lucas and I could feel him pulse in between my legs. His hands moved to the front of my shirt, but his lips stayed on mine. He popped open button by button until I unwrapped my arms from around his neck and my top fell to the floor, exposing my strapless, not-so-sexy nude bra. His arms wrapped around me, flicking the clips open and my bra also fell to the floor. His hold around me tightened as he pulled me in, kissing me harder, tasting the edge of my tongue. I could feel my heartbeat on his, beating to the rhythm of our infatuation. He pulled away from me, grabbing my hand and leading me into his huge open shower. It had two shower heads on either side of the screen glass. He flicked the middle tap for both shower heads to come on powering down on us as he leaned me up against the flickered grey tiles. I started laughing as he pushed his wet body up against me, ready to kiss me, when I realized my lace undies were still on now drenched sticking to my body. Lucas looked down at me and laughed with me. He leaned forward, almost laying his naked wet body on top of me and whispered in my ear: ‘Now we can’t have that, can we?’ He kneeled down in front of me, his lips were level to my undie line. The water continued to pour down on us. I looked down at him and the water dripped down his face and his long hair was slicked back, exposing more of the blue of his eyes. I was breathless at the image that was right in front of me.
Lucas moved his hands around to the side of my hips, ever so slowly pulling the wet white lace down my legs towards my knees. He kissed my hip bone softly and moved his lips down my legs, I felt his soft touch and the water pouring down his face. The lace G-string fell to the shower floor and as I went to lift one leg out of them, he placed his hand underneath my thigh, holding my leg up, draping it over his shoulder. He continued to kiss slowly up my inner thigh. My body squirmed with excitement. His cool breath danced on my skin, him lips weren’t even touching me yet, but the intensity of the anticipation flooded my body with pleasure. He grabbed onto my hips hard. I looked down, his blue eyes staring at me, his teeth were showing through his grin, I fucking loved his smile. I could tell he was so happy with himself of how he was making me feel. ‘You’ve got to be quiet, okay?’ he said. I nodded. His lips touched my clit, ever so gently, softly as his wet fingers slid inside my exposed, wet body.
His intimacy broke down the barriers of control in my mind. Amidst the pleasure, he tore my heart open in two directions. He made me feel safe, trusting, and open. But the other side of my ripped open heart knew that every morning I left, it may be the last morning I would ever see him. I knew people always left. He wasn’t one who was going to stay with me, I don’t know if he was one to stay with anyone. He was a lone erratic wolf, on his own journey. He didn’t follow the pack. I could read that through the untold story in his eyes, the constant confusion that left his lips. He was living his dream, but he had become deeply lost inside of it.
My legs were shaking, and I didn’t know how long it would be before I could no longer hold myself up. My body tensed, I couldn’t hold my lips shut any more and I screamed out in ecstasy, trying to hold onto the wet tiled wall behind me, I fell in pleasure. Lucas grabbed me as I slid down in the shower, landing me on his kneeling lap, I collapsed over his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck. I felt his heartbeat once again, close and naked against mine.
I put my phone down on his bedside table. It was two a.m. We lay in his bed cuddled up in his black sheets. I loved it here, it felt like my safe place. Maybe because it was a home, a place that he owned and even though he was regularly traveling, this was his constant, a place that he would always come back to. I felt at home in his home, and it was exactly where I wanted to be.
‘Thanks for being here,’ he whispered. ‘It’s really rare I get to be me. just as I am around anyone. You for some reason, just get me. I feel really lucky to have you in my life.’ His words flooded through my ear and danced down my spine as he kissed my earlobe. I gulped down, feeling my body sink deeper into his sheets and my heart thumb loud.
