His jaw was tight as he looked over my shoulder and shook his head.
“What?”
He let out a harsh and brutal laugh. “Usually, there is regret in killing. But not this time. He should have never laid a hand on you.”
I should have run screaming. I should have left his room and not looked back and forgotten about the night we shared, but with the way he was looking at me… I could hardly breathe. My heart skipped a beat within my chest before speeding up to a tempo that felt fatal.
We stared at each other for another minute before he leaned forward and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. It could be so easy to forget. It could be so easy to lean into his touch and let him take care of me in other ways. It would be so easy to let him touch me again.
But instead, my big ass mouth ruined it all—like always.
“Why were you following me?”
The words cracked through the silence in the room. He rocked back on his heels and looked at anything but me. Instead of answering, he stretched to his full height and began tidying his room. With meticulous, steady hands he put each gun away into it’s own case. I couldn’t help it, it was a sight to watch him work, and I decided then and there I was a psychopath for being so delusionally attracted to him.
“My life is boring,” he began quietly. So quietly I almost missed him. “Especially when I’m here, home, in the city. There is nothing that keeps my attention long, and there usually isn’t much that gets me excited. But you… You were ready to go head-to-head with me the other day, and it awoke something inside of me.”
I was hanging on every single word like my life depended on it.
“You lied to me, and I wanted to know why.”
He shrugged. “Because my life is complicated.” He motioned to all of the guns now in their own cases, tucked away safely. “I didn’t want you or anyone else to think I was an eligible bachelor.”
“Wow, you think so highly of me. I guess that’s what I should have expected afterjustone night. You can’t know someone just from a few hours of talking.”
I wanted to say it could have been more. I wanted it to be more, but I knew better. He was telling me he was off limits, and I was over here pining like a love-sickpuppy. I needed a therapist. I probably should have found one after I found my father, but here I was, more concerned with how I was reacting to a man who killed someone and rescued me. Someone who was clearly extremely dangerous. Maybe it was the concussion or the lack of oxygen for a few seconds as those men grabbed me. Either way, not a single thing made sense anymore.
“I know you aren’t looking for anything… I mean, you made it abundantly clear when you disappeared, but you could have been honest. You didn’t need to gaslight me. I’m worth more than that.”
“Yes,” he breathed. “You’re worth so much more than me, and that’s why I had to lie. You deserve everything bright and good and full of love.”
Except, I would never get that. Not now that my brothers were orchestrating the rest of my life. What did I say back? My eyes filled with moisture as I fought the tide of emotions washing through me. Why was I trying to even have a conversation with this man? It wouldn’t do any good for either of us. I could see that now.
A text buzzed through on my phone.
Jones
I’ll be sending through the address to your new penthouse, courtesy of your new fiancé. Your security detail will be there tomorrow morning, soon after you and Jane arrive. Donovan Madden is sparing no expense.
There it was, the final nail in my coffin. I closed my eyes and shook my head. My life would never be my own.
Ivan cleared his throat, and for a brief moment, I was brought back to reality. “You should probably wash up. I’ll get you something to sleep in, and if you want to go back to your room, you’re more than welcome to.”
How did I tell him I didn’t feel safe anywhere else? I couldn’t. That would only get me in deeper, and I needed to get out. I let out a breath.
“Thank you for everything. For saving me. For being honest with me, finally.” My voice cracked, and I winced. “But I need to get back to Jane. She doesn’t need to be alone.”
I didn’t mention that she’d been alone her whole life. She probably didn’t need me, but maybe I needed her.
Chapter Eighteen
Ivan
No matterhow much I scrubbed my body, I could still smell her on me. It was like the morning after I left her all over again. No matter what I did, I could feel her on my skin. I should have stayed away. I shouldn’t have watched her or followed her from afar. I should have helped her and let that be that. But instead, I went ahead and buried myself deeper.
I accepted the job the grannies offered me.
Bodyguard to Poppy Fairchild.
