Time to get home as quickly as possible—before I see any more penises popping out of pants.
The genie hasn’t left my mind since I left Orie’s store. I need to shake what I saw—andhim—from my mind before tonight’s stream. I can’t be distracted. Somehow, my viewers always know when there’s something on my mind.
Please, universe, if he’s meant to be in my life, if these thoughts are stuck in my mind for a reason, give me a sign. Just something super obvious that I won’t be able to deny.
My stomach growls, reminding me of my hunger. Right, when I was at Tranquil, my mind was so consumed by everything else, I forgot how hungry I was—and still am.
I’ll make something easy for dinner; I don’t really have the mental energy to try to cook something extravagant. Maybe just something simple, like breakfast for dinner.
Throwing open my fridge, my shoulders fall. Not a single egg. I glance over at my recycling bin. Sitting on top of the pile is an empty carton, open, as if to stare me in the face.
Closing my eyes and tilting my head back, I fight off the tears that I can feel building behind my eyes. Logically, I know it’s just eggs.
But the fact that I forgot while I was out and could’ve grabbed some pains me deeply. This means I need to leave my houseagain.
I’ll have to make a trip to Harmony Market tomorrow—or maybe in a few days, after I build up the strength. When I’m there, I’ll pick up some more of Liana’s chicken eggs. I could also pick up some fruits or berries that Ogram grows.
The strawberries and blueberries that come from his farm are always so delicious, and fresh berries are the best berries. I’ll have to see what’s in season though, since I honestly have no clue when anything grows.
I’ll have to make myself a list, and maybe harass Orie to go with me, so I’m not alone. Not that Ogram’s farm is a bad place to go. If anything, it’s one of the few places I would feel comfortable going alone if I had to.
Ogram is quite reclusive himself, so he doesn’t try to force small talk with me while I shop. We only interact when I pay, and that’s if he’s the one tending the cash register.
I’ve already had to leave my house more this week than I wanted to, so I need to make a list of anything else I couldpossiblyneed while I’m out.
So that I can recharge for a week, minimum, by not leaving my house.
My entire body feels heavy, my mind constantly buzzing as it overthinks and overanalyzes every interaction and move I’ve made in public. I’m just…exhausted. From life.
I close the fridge, dragging myself to my couch and flopping down face-first. My limbs hang limply off the edge, the pillow stifling some of my breathing.
Sinking into the cushions, I just lie there, all my willpower seeping out of me—if I even had any to start. All I want to do is cry and sleep, and live in my own bubble away from anyone and everyone.
I shouldn’t do that, though. I can’t.
Tonight’s stream is one that my viewers have been looking forward to for weeks. We’re playing a new horror-romance game, and I told them we’d do some package openings at the end.
Everyone has been chatting so excitedly on my socials about it. Somehow, I need to find the strength to get through it.
I’ve canceled enough streams lately, with my mind being so…heavy. My viewers are getting worried, and I don’t want them to keep asking me more questions.
Taking as deep a breath as I can, I put my hands flat on the couch and push myself up. My body feels as if it’s being pulled down as I fight to stand fully, but once I’m up, I find my footing.
First, some food. I know I need to eat, and it will help me feel better, even if it’s temporarily. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Once I’m done eating, I’ll go set up the stream and put on my best fake smile. Eventually, it’ll turn into a real one. Once I’m distracted by the game and interacting with the chat, I know I’ll be happy.
It’s just getting to that point that’s hard. The journey feels like such a long one, even though it really isn’t.
To try to distract myself, I message Orie.
Gods, that was traumatic. Too much penis for one day!!
I can’t help but roll my eyes and laugh as her reply text comes through.
You mean not enough penis, or maybe not the right penis??
Now, time for a bowl of cereal.
