“No. No, Sanora.” His voice rose, as if to nail his disapproval into my skull. “Don’t even entertain the idea. That is a nightmare. Do you hear me? Another person dying on my behalf would—” His jaw tightened. “—it would end me.”
Did he think I didn’t know?
I knew. I’d known since the second the truth sank its teeth into me. I’d tried to push it down, tried to bury it beneath kisses and skin and the illusion of peace in this house, but the thought wouldn’t leave. It pressed at me in the dark, whispered at me in the silence, clawed at me when he wasn’t watching.
Maybe it was okay to surrender myself. Maybe it was okay to give my life if it meant he could finally live again. The ‘maybe, maybe’ wouldn’t leave my head.
I was made specifically for his sake. I was made to transform him back to a mortal. I was the only one who could. I was his only chance at becoming a normal human again.
And if I refused him that…wasn’t that selfish?
Because in the end, I would still die. My soul would still perish into nothing. While Thrax—the man I loved beyond logic—would be forced to keep existing, empty, soulless, forever. Because of me. Because of my choice to cling to breath a little longer.
“This is different, Thrax.” My voice cracked. “Can’t you see? I was created for this. I was made so you could—”
“Sanora, no.” He cut me off, eyes burning with a fury that bordered on desperation. “You have your own life to live outside of here. When the next train comes, you’re leaving. You’ll go back. You’lllive.”
A dry laugh escaped me. “You think I can return to my daily life after knowing this?”
He glared, his silence heavy. He didn’t think so either.
“I’m sure Kalimetryna would have wanted me to give her soul to you.” I lifted my chin, my throat thick with tears I wasn’t letting out. “The soul isn’t even mine.”
“But it’syourlife,” he snapped, every word sharp.
“Yes, and it’smydecision.” I held his gaze. “It’s up to me what I do with my life.”
His head shook. “Not when it means you dying. Because then it’s both our lives, not just yours anymore.”
“Thrax—”
“Sanora, this isn’t even worth discussing.” His voice cracked under the weight of it, the first fissure in his anger. “I don’t want your soul. Do you hear me? I don’t want it. I don’t want you, someone I love, dying.” His eyes shone, black and endless. “This world would mean nothing without you in it.”
I blinked back the tears welling up in my eyes.
I’d thought his punishment was the greatest torture a man could endure—to walk endlessly without a soul. But no. The real punishment wasthis, to feel what it was like to have a soul through me, but never quite owning it. It was like feeding only an aroma to a starving man.
And I could try, but I could never completely know how empty he must feel without me around.
“Kalimetryna and I are different,” I let out. “She’d done that out of the love she had for you. But I’m...I’m doing—” I faltered, scrambling for words. “I’m not—I don’t have to love you to—it’s logic. Even if I didn’t love you...if Idon’tlove you—”
“Don’t you even say you don’t love me.” His voice thundered low, and in three heavy strides, he was upon me. Thrax seized my chin in his iron grip, tilting my head up so I was looking up at him.His breath burned against my lips, his eyes black fire. “You love me, Sanora. Don’t even try to deny it.”
His finger pressed against my chest, right over my hammering heart. “I feel it—the way it races when I’m near.” His hand slid to my stomach. “The way you clench in anticipation. The way your skin hums with joy, gods, the way your body burns with lust. I feel it all like it’s mine. Every beat. Every breath. So don’t you dare tell me you don’t love me.”
That wasn’t what I’d wanted to say.
But staring at him now—the raw desperation in his face, the fury laced with terror—I realised he hated this talk more than anything. The way he stared at me...like he’d do anything to erase this from my head, made me realise that there was no way I’d have known that his curse could be broken because he’d have kept it from me. He knew I would think like this. He knew I would be willing to make him mortal again.
And maybe I should be happy that I found out, maybe I should feel sad that I did. But all I felt was the ache of him, that he’d rather carry the curse forever than risk me.
“I do love you,” I whispered, my voice breaking.
Only then did he breathe, a shuddering exhale like he’d been drowning. His grip loosened, his forehead pressing briefly to mine. “Then don’t bring this up again. Promise me.”
My chest ached, but I nodded slowly.
“I need you to use your words, Sanora,” he murmured, wrapping me into his heat, his hands coming around me.
