He makes a face at me. We don’t say any more until we get onto the M1. He merges super carefully, maybe remembering that he told Mum he’d look after me. Once we overtake a bright yellow Liam Connolly lorry in the inside lane, he glances sideways again.
“I-I shouldn’t have gone weird on you in the changing rooms like that,” he says. “Do you forgive me?”
I copy his trademark gloating grin. “It’s a surprise. I’ll tell you later when we get to wherever you’re taking me.”
Chapter 12
Dane
The flight is so short, the seatbelt light barely goes on before it blinks off again. Out the window, the lights of Edinburgh spread out below us.
“Sure you’re happy with this?” I say.
Alex smiles at me. “It’s perfect. I’ve never been here before.”
“Neither have I. We can explore together.”
I was worried he’d think this trip is too small. I couldn’t afford to take him anywhere farther away, and anyway our families would kill us if we’re not back in time for Christmas. But he seems really pleased. He’s been smiling to himself the whole flight, the sunny look at odds with his black eyeliner and nail polish. He’s not as difficult to impress as I used to think. After collecting our bags from the carousel, we get in a taxi and head for the city center. Our hotel isn’t the most expensive ever, and even so I had to plunder my savings to afford it on top of the flights. Alex looks around the room with wide eyes.
“This is perfect,” he says.
Really? It’s nothing fancy at all. The bed is a normal size, not those super-kings you see in films, and the décor is a wee bit faded and dated. The ensuite bathroom is more of a cupboard than anything. Even so, he seems so happy to be here with me. His impressed expression makes me feel shy. He’s treating me like one of those knights who whisk people off their feet. But I’m at the very edge of my confidence here. I’m not sure what to do next. How fast he wants to go. If he just wants to be friends and talk, that’s fine with me. I’m just happy to have him here and to have a room just for the two of us to work things out without feeling like our small town is breathing down our necks. A place to just be Alex and Dane.
I cross to the window, purposely not looking at the neatly made bed. Alex comes over and stands beside me, slipping an arm around my waist but in a friendly way, without pressure. We look out at the quaint street which runs up a steep incline. Several of the store windows have holiday lights or fake snow, which makes the whole scene look like a Christmas card.
“Do you want to go for a walk?” Alex says.
We head outside. Alex looks adorable in his oversized winter coat with a black beanie pulled down over his forehead and his black hair hanging over his eyes. His eyes are shining as he looks around the unfamiliar streets. I’m so glad I took the plunge and decided to go through with this. I was afraid that another big gesture after the pub song would be too much. Afraid he’d think I’m trying to win him instead of just be with him. But he seems on board so far. Maybe hewantsto be won. Nice thought.
We may have underestimated the weather, though. It’s fucking freezing out here, much colder than at home, especially after the heat of the plane and airport. We walk quickly to stay warm. The historic feel of the city wraps around me. I haven’t traveled much, unlike Alex probably, but this place feels magical to me. Judging by the look on his face, it is to him as well. The quaint cobblestoned streets and Georgian buildings are like something from a period drama. Alex navigates with the help of his phone: my sense of direction is a liability. I just look around and take it all in as he leads us on a route full of twists and turns. It’s the perfect getaway from the real world. Cozy pub windows throw soft light onto the dark streets, and everywhere I look there’s another mysterious-looking alleyway. I almost expect to see Burke and Hare emerge from a dark entrance.
“This way,” Alex says, checking his phone.
I glance at the street sign and snicker. “Cockburn street?”
“I think it’s pronounced Coh-burn,” Alex says. His mouth is stern but his eyes are twinkling.
“You don’t want me thinking about cocks?” I drop my gaze all the way down his body.
He glances around. There are quite a few people around now.
“Not here,” he whispers.
There’s a hint of a promise in his voice. I shiver, not from the cold.
Cockburn—or sorry,Coh-burn—street sweeps downhill in a lazy loop, its little turreted windows silhouetted against the dark sky like artists’ garrets. There’s a Christmas Market in Princes Street Gardens. It’s absolutely packed with people milling around the stalls. Bright illuminations attack my eyeballs and the scent of mulled wine and hot chocolate wafts on the air. The subtle, seductive atmosphere of the city is suddenly crashed by a kitschy holiday vibe. I blink, a bit overwhelmed by the crowds. There’s even some kind of light show going on up at the castle. Alex grabs my arm and points, staring with awe. Lights flicker and play over the ancient stone as we watch.
“I’m so glad you brought me here,” Alex says, staring. I can’t help smiling. He’s such a little kid sometimes.
“Me too.”
To be honest, I’m more interested in watching his face than the light show.
We go up in the Ferris wheel, where we get an ever better view of the city spread out below us. This is surreal. I’m on adatewith Alex. There’s nothing else I can call it as he snuggles close in the tiny space and I put an arm around him. And it’s not awkward. It just feels right. When we’re back on solid ground I buy us both hot chocolates, then buy a Santa hat from one of the stalls. I want to see if Alex looks as cute in it as he did in those elf hot pants. I take off his beanie, ready to put the Santa hat on his head instead. He trembles under my touch, his eyes fixed on me the whole time. He looks like he can’t believe I’m doing this in public. Neither can I. No one is even looking at us, to be fair. I feel anonymous in this huge, bustling crowd. But I don’t think I could stop touching him even if someone we know came along. Electricity buzzes through my arm as I smooth his hair. I fuckinglovehow he looks up at me like that. Does he have any idea of what it does to me?
“I can’t believe I used to think you’re so cool and edgy,” I say. I place the hat on his head, then lean close and whisper directly in his ear. “Now you’re my good puppy.”
“Whatdid you just call me?” But he’s not pulling away and he’s still looking at me with those big eyes.
