But also, more important than the crap swirling through my brain, is…what the hell is my amazing big brother thinking?
His expression shouldn’t be filled with fear—though, that’s tempered by longing. He should be looking forward to the next stage of life, should be moving forward, not clinging to the past.
Yeah? Like you?
I clench my teeth together.
Yes. Like me.
Moving forward. Not looking back. Ever.
Even when the past keeps sinking its claws into me and threatening to yank me off my feet.
“Damon,” I press when he doesn’t answer.
“We’re doing this now?” he mutters.
“When have you ever known me to let something go when it’s in my crosshairs?”
A flash of blue eyes. “You’re annoying.”
“Yeah? Likewise.” I nudge his knee with mine. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t imagine a life without Joey and me starting a family.” A shake of his head. “But…it’s not the right time.”
That’s certainly true.
But then there’s the fear.
Even masked by calm logic, I can sense his anxiety.
And something in me goes tender as I put the pieces together.
My brother, the one who sacrificed everything for me, is scared of being a good dad.
I want to hug him, put him at ease…and I also want to throttle him.
Because what the fuck?
“You know I was just teasing you about making babies, right?” I pretend to gag, knowing I’ll have to go at this sideways to get the stubborn lug to truly absorb what I’m saying. “I don’t actually want to think about my brother participating in the act of making said babies.” When he doesn’t unstick, I give him a wet willy.
“Ky,” he growls, smacking my hand away. “You’re not cute.”
I smile cherubically. “I absolutely am.”
“Are not.”
It’s tempting to reply Are so! But I have more important things to get through his thick skull.
“Big bro.” I gentle my voice, know he clocks it because his scowl intensifies, but I push on anyway. “You’re going to be a great father—whenever you guys choose to have kids.”
“Right,” he says gruffly, gaze fixed in place.
I bump his shoulder with mine then sigh again when he doesn’t look at me. “You do realize that you were more of a dad to me than our bio dad ever was?”
He sniffs. “Not hard to do considering he left to get milk and never came back.”
“I thought it was cigarettes.”
