Surely all the sweet glances Zeke had been sending his way had just been Zeke enjoying himself up in the high mountains, with the regular concerns of his life far behind him.
Surely it hadn’t been Cal that the sweet flush on Zeke’s face had been for. Surely, Zeke would never fall in love with someone like Cal.
Moreover, Zeke was straight. Wasn’t he? Cal had thought he was, but the skinny dipping and the almost hand holding on their bareback ride across the valley was making him unsure about that. He wouldn’t keep flirting with a man who would never want him, sure. But he wasn’t so sure. Not anymore.
The rain finally let up when it was fully dark, the sunset having left its last purple streaks above the ridge. There were plops of water on the rain fly as they tucked themselves inside the tent to get undressed for sleep.
There was a bit of dampness inside the tent, but Zeke unzipped the tent flaps to let fresh air in, though he left the screen zipped to keep out whatever critters might be lurking in the dark.
When Cal was stripped to his t-shirt and briefs, he slid inside his sleeping bag, leaving the zipper open. He tucked his fingers into the letter curve of his bear scare as he cast his gaze over the half-moon the flashlight left on the slanted roof of the tent, and watched Zeke’s shadow as Zeke stripped to his t-shirt and briefs as well.
As Zeke slithered into his sleeping bag, he took up the flashlight in his hands and laid it at the opening of the tent, there to anoint the slivers of silver rain caught in its reflection. Then he lay back and laced his hands behind his head.
“Zeke,” said Cal. His voice caught around the word and he stopped, unsure of what to say after that. All the words in his heart pounded to get out.
“Yeah?” Zeke’s voice was low in the semi-darkness, in the long shadows stretching from the flashlight.
“You know, it’s just you and me up here,” said Cal, pushing the envelope as hard as he could. “We could kiss if we wanted to.”
Zeke’s whole body went still, his hands shifting where they were laced behind his neck. But he didn’t move away, and he didn’t say no. Just stayed still, his eyes open and looking at the ceiling of the tent.
In the silence, they could hear the rushing of the river, the nicker of a horse. Maybe even the howl of a wolf.
“Cal,” said Zeke, and then he stopped.
“We can do whatever we want.” Cal nodded, though Zeke wasn’t looking at him and couldn’t possibly see. “And I’d like to kiss you. I would.”
It wasn’t bravery. It was desperation, pure and simple. The pull at his soul, and his body that wanted Zeke, all the parts of him, from his strong chest, to his slender hips. All of him. It’d been a while since Cal had wanted anyone so much.
“We’re all the way up here,” said Cal. He turned on his side as desperation rose in his chest, hands tucked close to keep himself from simply reaching for Zeke.
“We are,” said Zeke.
Which meant, as far as Cal could tell, that Zeke wasn’t simply up and saying no.
“But I shouldn’t,” said Zeke now. “Weshouldn’t.”
“Why not?” asked Cal. His heart was hammering. “There’s nobody here but us.”
Cal watched as Zeke blinked slowly once or twice and thought that if Zeke was going to bring up the wholeI’m your team leadthing, that he would have by now. He hadn’t. Which meant that any hesitation on his part was personal. Which meant that Cal shouldn’t beg, because it would be pushy. And rude.
“Please,” he said anyway, inching closer to Zeke, his hand on Zeke’s shoulder. The cotton material of the t-shirt was warm from Zeke’s body, thin enough that Cal could feel the thumping of Zeke’s heart. “Please,” he said again.
“Don’t beg,” said Zeke. He paused and said, “You don’t have to beg.”
He was pressing the back of his hand to his mouth, as if he meant to stop anything else he might say.
Then, inexplicably, he turned on his side, facing Cal, and reached to cup the back of Cal’s neck with his fingers. As he’d done in the past. As if the gesture had been repeated a thousand times, familiar and warm.
Cal didn’t need much pressure in that hand to move himself all the way next to Zeke, only stopping as Zeke unzipped his sleeping bag all the way so Cal could be right next to him.
In the next minute, Cal was half on top of Zeke, absorbing the warmth of him, the hardness of his body.
“Okay?” asked Zeke, but it seemed less like a question than a search for affirmation.
“Yeah.” The word came out barely louder than a breath, his throat suddenly dry, the back of his neck where Zeke pulled his hand away suddenly cool.
“Yeah,” he said again and leaned in close for that first kiss, a brush of his mouth on Zeke’s soft one, the tiniest bit of pressure. And shivered at the sudden soft moan from Zeke.
