“Tired?” he asked, which was foolish, because Cal had to be, just as Zeke himself was. “We can put out the fire and turn in.”
“Sounds good,” said Cal.
They put out the fire with dirt, double checked their gear by flashlight, and checked the horses, both the domestic ones and the mustangs. Everything was set for evening, so they washed at the river, and took their boots off before getting into the tent.
They stored the boots at the bottom of the tent, their clothes they used for pillows. Clothes made lumpy pillows, but Zeke didn’t imagine he’d last more than a minute of wakefulness, and the pillow could have been made of cement for all he cared.
Maybe Cal was tired enough to feel the same, but in the small space of the tent, with only a single flashlight giving them any light, it was easy to see that Cal’s tension had risen again.
Zeke undressed to his briefs and socks and slid into his sleeping bag, leaving the zipper open. He gave Cal his privacy to do the same by focusing on Cal’s silhouette, the thin edge of his shoulders, the even thinner shadow he cast on the tent walls.
“Take a breath for me now,” said Zeke as Cal slid into his own sleeping bag.
Zeke thumbed the flashlight off and left it close to the tent’s opening so either of them could find it in the dark.
Without the flashlight, it took a minute for the ambient light of the stars and moon to make it seem quite bright, so Zeke reached to unzip the tent flaps, leaving the flexible screen in place. A bit of fresh air eased its way into the tent, and Cal sighed, and Zeke sighed with him.
“Rest easy,” he said, wishing he had better words of comfort to settle Cal.
He heard Cal take a breath, and as Cal’s head settled on his own pile of clothes, Zeke reached out and cupped the back of Cal’s neck. Something he’d done before, only this time, he pulled Cal to him quickly, tucking Cal close, Cal’s head beneath his jaw, where he could feel Cal’s breath on his neck.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
In response, Cal pushed closer, his arms coming out of his sleeping bag to circle around Zeke. But that would leave Cal too cold, so Zeke let Cal go, floundered with the zippers until both sleeping bags were open to each other, pulled Cal to him again, and tugged Cal’s sleeping bag over his shoulder.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Cal tucked himself against Zeke, circled his arms around Zeke’s waist, and finally seemed to settle, his whole body relaxing, the weight of him, the press of his skin, his warmth, all of this soaked into Zeke like a well-loved blanket.
He did not know how this was going to look in the morning, but Cal had needed comfort, so Zeke had given it to him. That wasn’t all he was feeling, but for now, it was what he was able to admit.
Perhaps in the coming days, he’d have a conversation with Galen about what he’d seen in Zeke to make him ask Zeke out,and what it was like to have feelings for another man. Along with a conversation with himself, maybe he’d be able to figure out not just how he felt about Cal, but what he wanted to do about it.
Chapter 21
Zeke
When he woke, Cal was still in his arms, pressed close like a starfish to a rock. The rock being himself and Cal’s arms, starfish limbs, the warmth between them growing, pleasant and slow, with no urgency to get up and get to work.
Zeke didn’t regret his gesture from the night before, and he knew he never would. He’d slept better than he had in ages, every muscle relaxed, his limbs tangled with Cal’s. Cal was still asleep, snoring softly, his hair silky against Zeke’s arm.
But the sun was up and they needed to get ready for the mustang handlers to arrive. He wasn’t sure if they were going to attempt to take the ponies out on a string, or if they had managed to trench a path so they could come and take the mustangs by trailer. Either way, he and Cal needed to be up and ready to assist.
“Hey, sleepy one,” Zeke half-whispered, imagining he could brush a kiss against that dark blond hair, and greet Cal to wakefulness that way.
He resisted that impulse and brushed his thumb across Cal’s cheek. His bear scare fell back on his wrist as he did it again and waited until Cal’s eyes blinked slowly open.
“You didn’t get eaten by a bear,” said Zeke. “And the river didn’t wash us away.”
“Nope.” Cal smiled up at him, his blue eyes gentle and sleepy.
“How about you and I get dressed, wash our faces in the river, and check on the horses?”
“Okay.”
It was easy to move into the day with Cal at his side, feeling focused and relaxed at the same time. It was hard to remember how he’d thought his stint in the Fresh Start Program would go, but it certainly wasn’t this, though this was certainly more enjoyable. Just Cal and him and the blue sky above them as they staggered out of the tent and got dressed, slid their boots on, rummaged around for hats and strode down to the river.
The sun made bright diamonds of the small ripples in the river, a bright breeze whispering through the trees, the cool air foretelling the arrival of what Zeke suspected was an afternoon storm. For now, they splashed their faces in the water, crouching low at the bank, and shared secret morning smiles.
