He bent over and reached under Kell’s bunk to his own, and came out with a book. When Kell looked, he could see that there was a little shelf cut into the wall, which was the benefit of the lower bunk in this particular cell. The book Bede held in his hand was a ratty paperback, like it’d been read a few times and then some. It wasThe Firmby John Grisham.
“You want one?” asked Bede, gesturing with his thumb to the shelf of books. “Help yourself.”
Kell paused, hard. If he took a book, then Bede was going to want double what was owed him for rescuing Kell from Ryan, and Kell already owed him too much. So much that in addition to ass-fucking, Bede was going to expect a blow job every single night.
He had eighty-six more days in jail, so that was eighty-six blow jobs he would need to perform. And while Kell had been imagining what a blow job would be like ever since he’d come out to his parents halfway through his junior year of high school, this was not how he pictured it going.
In his mind, the first blow job he’d give to another guy might be in the back seat of a car, with soft music playing from the car’s speakers, and starlight coming through the window, giving everything a romantic air. Not this. Not this hard cement block-walled cell when the lights went out and everything was pitch dark except for the ever-present pale green emergency light in the corridor.
“Uh. No thanks,” he said, his hands at his sides, his mouth as dry as a desert.
Bede shrugged, then sprawled on his bunk, opening the paperback as he adjusted his head on the thin pillow.
Without another word, or even a glance Kell’s way, Bede was reading. There was no indication as to what he was going to do to Kell later, or even when he was going to do it. All Kell could do was climb onto his bunk and stare at the ceiling, his linked hands resting on his chest, where he could feel the pounding of his heart.
Now that no one was looking at him, in the small privacy the upper bunk afforded him, his body seemed to let go of all its resolve to remain strong, quivers starting in his belly, shoulders hunching as he did his best to hold on to his tears.
Bede might hear him and attack when he was weak, and Kell was just about out of every ounce of bravery he’d ever possessed.
He swiped at his eyes, wiping hot tears away with the heel of his palm, staring up at the recessed light in the ceiling for which there was no on or off switch, not that inmates had access to, at any rate.
The light would go off when the prison decided it would, at nine thirty sharp. Kell had until then to imagine how it would go. How it would hurt. How he’d feel in the morning. How nobody would care.
At nine twenty-five, the warning bell for lights out dinged, and the overhead light flickered. Taking a deep breath, the deepest he could manage, his chest feeling hollow and bruised, Kell slid down from his bunk and stood at Bede’s elbow, waiting until Bede looked up at him.
Kell only had a few minutes to make a deal, an arrangement, to explain—anything so that Bede might understand and be a little gentle with him. If Kell was willing. If Kell did what Bede wanted.
“What?” asked Bede, looking up at him, closing the paperback with a snap, then putting it on his little wall shelf. “What do you want?”
Kell’s mouth opened wordlessly, his breath coming in pants. Any outline for a little speech vanished into the void of darkness that seemed to be intent on swallowing him. Then it got worse, as Bede shifted out of the bottom bunk and stood up, towering over Kell, his head casting a shadow all around him.
“I’ll do whatever you want,” said Kell, his voice jerking over the words, skipping with his ragged breath. “Just don’t hurt me. I’m a virgin, so I’ve never—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there.”
Bede held up his hand, palm out, and seemed to be looking over Kell’s head, behind him, to the narrow window in the heavy metal door where the emergency light gleamed and footsteps on cement could be heard, and the general low, ever-present din of the prison.
“Why would I hurt you?” he asked, his attention returning to Kell, his eyes dark.
“I owe you,” said Kell. “In the yard. You stood up for me. I picked you, so I owe you.”
“Oh. That.”
Kell took a step back as Bede sat on his bunk. Even when seated, his head came up to Kell’s belly, and he was still big, but as he looked up at Kell, his hands rested on his thighs, his jaw worked for a moment before he shook his head.
“I don’t go for virgins, first of all,” Bede said. “Second, I’ve never forced anybody in my life. And third, Ryan is an asshole, a dyed-in-the-wool fuckwad. Together, you and me and Griff got one over on him, and that’s payment enough for me.”
“So you don’t want a blow job?” Kell’s voice broke halfway through this, confusion rippling through him. “You don’t want anything?”
With a shake of his head, Bede said, “Kid, you’re not my type.” After a long pause, Bede pointed his finger at Kell. “And I’ll say this. Never admit you’re a virgin. You’ll be safer that way. Too many guys think fucking a virgin will get them points, and you don’t want those kinds of guys being your first. Understand?”
“Yeah.” Cold rushed through his veins, followed by hot, a kind of shock overtaking him as the idea of being rescued just when things seemed their darkest settled in his brain. “But what do I owe you?”
“Just be cool,” said Bede. “Be a good cellmate. Don’t take my books without asking. Pay it forward when you can. How long are you in for, anyway?”
When Kell told him about the rail yard bull who had nabbed him, and how he had eighty-six more days to go, he saw the amusement in Bede’s dark eyes, but Bede didn’t laugh at him for getting off relatively easy when everyone around him seemed to be doing hard time. Bede only saidStick with me, kid.
Bede told him about how he was in for dealing drugs, and explained how you only shared personal information as a way of building trust, testing a little bit at a time before giving more. And a little about how the barter system worked, and how nobody knew how or why Griff had so much power, and that yes, the food was shitty, but pizza day came twice a week, and that was something to be thankful for.
