The booth was large so they could all fit in, and while Gabe would have liked to sit next to Blaze, it was almost as good to sit opposite him so he could watch the expressions as Blaze experienced his first night out in almost two years.
Gabe didn’t know what it would be like to be told what to do twenty-four seven, the way Blaze and Wayne had, and he never wanted to. Still, he could enjoy their joy as the two parolees looked over their menus and discussed beer types and whether lobster mac and cheese was better than plain old mac and cheese.
“I’m getting the lobster, for sure.” Blaze folded his menu away as the waitress came up and took their orders, then he looked at Gabe as she went away. “You can have a bite of mine,” he said. “I’ll share.”
When Blaze said this, his smile was low and flirty, perhaps without Blaze realizing it, but Gabe’s heart sped up just the same. He wished that after having shared a bed that this outing could have been a more private affair. Where they could look at each other and say what they wanted and share bites off their plates without drawing any attention whatsoever.
Because already, as their food was ordered and delivered, Jasper was looking at Gabe with appraising eyes, even nudging his shoulder when the beers came, as though it was an accident. Gabe knew Jasper fairly well and knew it wasn’t an accident. Gabe didn’t say anything in response to that look, just joined in the general chatter, the sounds of appreciation when those onion rings arrived.
It wasn’t until they’d ordered dessert that Jasper nudged Gabe with his knee.
“Need to use the facilities,” he said, and Gabe obligingly stepped out of the booth, only to find Jasper’s strong hand on his sleeve, drawing him away from the booth and along the wall.
“What?” asked Gabe.
“That’s what I’d like to ask,” said Jasper, but there was no malice in his voice, only friendly curiosity in his eyes. “You and Blaze.” He made a gesture with his hands as if to encompass all that was between them.
“Um.”
“I’ve seen you looking at each other all night. Like you two are in your own world, so be honest. What’s going on there?”
With a sigh that felt as though his chest was collapsing, Gabe didn’t hold back the truth. “I shouldn’t have done it. It shouldn’t be happening, but it was. Ithas,” he said, emphasizing the last word, visions of Blaze’s face, limned in the light of a kerosene lamp, the memory of the soft feel of Blaze’s mouth on his.
“Oh, I see.” Jasper stepped back so they’d be more out of the way, on the edge of the area where the pool tables were. “And you think that’s a problem?”
“I know it is,” said Gabe. “It’s so good—but it’s not right, Jasper. I’m in charge. I can’t be taking advantage like this. And yet—”
“Are you forcing him?” asked Jasper, keeping his voice low. “Intimidating him, threatening him?”
“No, of course not.”
“I’ve had these same conversations with myself,” said Jasper. “Same scenario, right? But I love Ellis, loved him almost from the moment I met him. I had the same questions as you have now, but my heart was in the right place, and he knew that from knowing me. And I’ll bet your Blaze knows it as well.”
“I know this,” said Gabe, and he did. But having witnesses to what seemed a very private, convoluted relationship only made it bare and stark in the light of reality.
“You don’t,” said Jasper. “Or you wouldn’t be getting all twisted up about it.”
Gabe chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking out over the happy Sunday night throng, wishing it were more straightforward than it felt.
He knew Jasper, knew the man did not enter relationships lightly, knew that he would never take advantage of another human being, let alone one that, at one point, he’d had had power over. He’d managed, in spite of everything, to navigate a fairly tricky path to where he was now, happy as could be, with Ellis, a one-time ex-con and parolee who was now his partner.
“What should I do?” Gabe asked. “I told him I wanted to be with him, at least until the end of summer, and then we’d have to see. Only now, I don’t know how even that much is possible.”
“Follow your heart,” said Jasper. He tapped Gabe’s breastbone quite lightly. “I think you’re good for each other. He seems pretty well adjusted, even after spending time behind bars. As for you, I’ve never seen you smile quite so often as I’ve seen tonight. So don’t throw this away because of someone else’s rules, or society’s idea of what a relationship is. Know what you have, and give it all you got.”
A surge of hope rose within his chest. Jasper almost never gave advice; he guided by example. His relationship with Ellis was a very good example, perhaps the best, of how it could be. All Gabe could do was try, with all of his heart, and he was going to do that. Right now. With Blaze.
He nodded at Jasper and turned to go back to the booth. Maybe he couldn’t kiss Blaze in front of this Sunday night crowd, but he needed to stop acting like a teenager about to get busted for dating a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. He was long past that. Long past.
Chapter25
Blaze
When Gabe and Jasper left at the same time, it was obvious that it wasn’t merely to go to the restroom, or at least it seemed that way to Blaze, who was suddenly left alone with Wayne, who was cocking an eyebrow at him. And then there was Ellis, who was studiously attending to his pecan pie that the waitress had just delivered, and ignoring Blaze with everything he had.
“Are you guys fucking or what?” asked Wayne, who had absolutely zero restraint.
“What?” asked Blaze, dragging up everything he could to keep his face neutral.
