“What about Bea?” Austin tugged on Bea’s hand and looked down at her, and that was when Clay realized how selfish it was of him to ask Austin out when he only had a few days with his daughter before he had to give her back. “She can’t go to a bar, which is where they serve beers.”
“I don’t like beer, Dad,” said Bea. She bumped her head against his arm, then did it again just for fun, and smiled at Clay. “Grownups do, though.”
“I could watch her,” said Jasper. He came up to them, wiping his hands on a cloth, tugged on the edge of his apron to straighten it. “I’ve got a pony coming by for a set of new shoes, and plenty of ice cream and root beer in the fridge. It’ll be fun. After all.” Jasper smiled as he looked at Bea. “Someone’s got to ride the pony to make sure the shoes fit, eh?”
“Uh—” Austin frowned, tugging on Bea’s hand, and looked like he was doing his best not to look at Ellis.
Ellis scraped his hair out of his eyes and seemed like he wanted to back up until he was far, far away. Clay felt bad for him, but understood Austin’s hesitation.
“We can do it another time,” said Clay, rushing the words. “After Bea goes back to her mom.”
Austin opened his mouth, probably to agree, but Bea let go of Austin’s hand. She crossed her arms over her chest, stuck out her chin, and looked like she was about to stand her ground till the end of time.
“I want to stay at the forge,” she said, stoutly. “I want to ride the pony and eat ice cream.” Then her face softened, as if she realized that being a brat about it wasn’t going to get her way. “Please, Dad? You and Clay can drink beer, and I just want—” With solemn green eyes, Bea looked at the forge, her chin wobbling.
Maybe she didn’t know what she wanted at that moment, and Clay only wanted to break the tension. He’d asked the wrong question at the wrong time, and he needed to fix it.
“I want to stay, too,” he said, in the same way Bea had just spoken, crossing his arms over his chest, in echo. “I want ice cream and to ride a pony. Can I?”
Ellis barked a laugh under his breath, and Jasper reached to pat him on the shoulder, and all at once, Austin relaxed.
“I keep forgetting I’m not with Mona anymore.” He sighed and rubbed at his eyes and nodded at Bea. “Yes, honeybee, but promise me not to overdo on the ice cream, and with the pony—” He looked at Ellis and Jasper each in turn. “Be sure to follow their guidance, okay? We’ll come back for you after we’ve had beers.”
“Yeah!” Bea jumped up and down, tugging on Austin’s hand with both of hers, jerking him down until he was close. “Thank you, Dad.”
“You bet, honeybee.” He kissed the top of her head and held out her hand to Jasper. “Well, I guess I’ll go get ready for my date.” He turned to Clay, his eyes soft, like Clay had given him a gift. “It is a date, right?”
“Yep.” Clay shrugged, easing the tingling of his skin, the force with which his heart was beating.
He wanted somebody to tell him he was being brave, or to tell him he was being foolish, but until he spelled out what was in his heart to Austin, there was nobody to tell him anything. He just had to move forward, to continue on like he started, and say what he felt. Otherwise, he would go on longing till the end of time.
“Now, Bea,” said Jasper as he took her hand. “We need a new bucket of water, and sometimes Ellis, well, he’s foolish, and doesn’t always know how full to fill it. Will you help him?”
Giggling, Bea went with him into the shade of the forge, Ellis following behind, and Clay looked at Austin.
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
Together Clay and Austin walked up the dirt road beneath the trees, going to the side as a truck pulling a small horse trailer came down the road. At the top of the hill, in the sunshine, the glassy river tumbling into white ribbons alongside them, Austin reached out to stop Clay.
“You wanted to talk to me?”
“I do,” said Clay. “But I wanted it to be special, not like this. Not with me covered in hay and sweat.”
“But Ilikeyou covered in hay and sweat.” Austin moved close, as though they were in a crowded room, and what he had to say was meant only for Clay. “I likeyou, Clay.”
He could tell Austin meant it, and his heart jumped in his chest. People normally enjoyed being with him, of course they did. He was tons of fun and cute as a cut button
As for Austin—he seemed to see inside of Clay, right to the heart of him, and didn’t seem to expect him to be anything other than what he was. A ranch hand. A guy who was good with a long-distance scope rifle. A young man who worked hard.
If Austin could see into Clay’s past, he’d know all the details about all the men, all the alleys, and maybe Clay would have to fill him in one day. But not today. Today was meant for something special.
“I’ll tell you now, then,” said Clay, taking his hands out of his pockets to touch Austin’s face, gentle strokes from his fingers. “To spare you the suspense. I—” Now he had to take a breath and, in the bright sunshine, get it out, tell the truth. “I like you. A lot. And I don’t care if you can’t get it up. I just want tobewith you. That’s what I wanted to say.”
“I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish—” Austin’s voice broke and to Clay’s horror, his eyes shone with tears. Inside of a heartbeat, Clay slid his arms around Austin’s neck and pulled him close, kissed his cheek. Listened to Austin’s heartbeat thudding in his chest, felt the way he shook.
Austin gasped and pulled back, still holding onto Clay, with Clay’s arms still around his neck.
