“Yeah, sure,” said Clay, sticking his hands in his back pockets, shivering a little as the back of his snap button shirt grew damp. “What’s up?”
“You’re on the roster this week to drive the chuckwagon for Levi for the cattle drive.”
“Oh, good.” Clay had to pretend to be more excited than he actually was, for if he went away on a cattle drive he’d not have the chance to talk to Austin for two whole days, which was two days too many. Now that he’d gotten the chance to drive, he didn’t want it.
“However, this rain.” Leland shook his head as he looked at the cabins, and the sigh of raindrops on the trees, the shift of wind. “It’s too much. The trail will be rutted and it’d be too easy for the chuckwagon to get stuck. I’ve got guests expecting it, as that’s what we advertised for this week. Since we can’t go, I’m offering partial refunds, if they want it, or full, if they’d rather go home. We might do a daytime trail ride if it clears up, but it might not, so we’re going to have to shift and be flexible. Okay?”
“Yeah, boss,” said Clay. “You can count on me, for sure.”
“Thanks.” Leland touched his finger to the brim of his hat. “See you at dinner.”
As Leland headed through the trees, Clay watched him go, then turned to look at the cabin, streaked with rain, looking quite cozy and sheltered beneath the green trees.
He was not a member of the family. He worked at the ranch, and wasn’t allowed to go gallivanting off to knock on the door and ask to be welcomed. He had a job to do, and though he knew it was true, it made him ache inside to turn away and head to the barn to see if he could help with anything last minute.
Brody had everything in hand at the barn, and only needed help shifting some bales of hay, so after he took care of that, Clay went to his room to dry his hair and change his shirt. Only too late did he think he might have offered to help Austin pack up stuff to move from his room to the cabin, but by then it was dinnertime.
He hurried down the stairs, racing in the rain to the main lodge to mount the steps to the dining hall. The room was already packed with guests, the chatter reaching the wooden beams overhead. The line moved swiftly and Clay could have gotten into it and gotten his dinner quickly, but where was Austin?
Clay quickly spotted Austin and Bea with their dinner trays at the long table in front of the window. They were surrounded by Leland and Bill and Quint and Maddy.
There were smiles all around, as who didn’t want to get to know a cute little girl like Bea? Which meant there was no room for Clay, so he would have to make do with his own company or, if he followed Leland’s oft-given advice, go and find a lonely-looking guest to entertain with his dimpled presence.
He shuffled along to keep his place in line, loaded his plate with BBQ ribs and cornbread, got a glass of iced tea and surveyed the dining hall. Maybe he’d sit with the older couple over there, or the middle-aged ladies who already looked like they were well on their way to having a good time. Or maybe—
Across the room, Austin stood up and waved him over, and Clay felt foolish and pleased all at once. He and Austin shared a friendship, a good one, and Austin wasn’t the kind of guy who would just abandon him, as Clay thought he had.
“Coming,” he said to no one as he hurried through the crowded dining hall to the long table. There, he found himself a spot on the other side of Bill, only two down from Austin. Austin gave him a smile, which seemed like he was saying thank you, even if they couldn’t sit side by side, the way they had been doing.
But then there was Bea.
“Clay!” she shouted when she saw him. “Leland says I can have horse lessons and Bill says I need cowboy boots all my own.”
“That’s excellent,” said Clay, raising his voice over the din. “I’ll bet you want pink cowboy boots, huh?”
“No,” she shouted in full voice, causing a few heads to turn her way. “I want boots likeyouhave. Real cowboy boots, not little girl ones.”
“Oh.” Ducking his head to hide his sudden grin of pleasure at having been singled out, Clay then looked up and saw Austin’s smiling eyes. “I will be more than happy to help you pick out a good pair. A real pair.”
He watched as Austin and Bea ducked their heads together, sharing a moment, words, their hearts.
He found himself wishing he was part of that conversation, his heart aching even as he was glad Austin had this time with his kid. At the same time, they surely would want to do things by themselves, and who was he to them? Just a ranch hand who liked to have sex with strangers, and surely Austin wouldn’t want him hanging around.
What did he know about kids, anyhow? He didn’t, not a thing, except what he’d learned by helping with riding lessons. That, he was good at. The ranch normally had a cutoff age, nobody under twelve was allowed, but he supposed Bea would be the exception to that while she was here.
Maybe he’d make sure he was signed up for any lessons she would have, and maybe Austin would watch from the fence rail, and maybe he’d notice—what? That Clay was good with kids and that Bea liked him? But why? So he could become part of their little family?
Maybe that was it. He had a family of his own, for sure. But they were all in Iowa and not much interested in cows or guest ranches or anything like it.
Who was he, though, to want to be a part of what Austin had? Who was he to think he might go up to Austin and ask to be part of his family? That would make him a dad, in a way, and Bea would be like his daughter, and that added a whole lot of responsibility to a lifestyle he might not be ready for. Who was he to dream or want or seek? Nobody, that’s who.
With a glum feeling running through him, Clay finished his dinner, flashed some fake smiles, took his tray to bus his dishes, and didn’t look back to see if Austin was watching him go.
23
Austin
Once they were back in the cabin after dinner, Bea was too wired to settle, and upset that she’d not been able to visit the horses on the account of rain. He managed to get her to take a shower, and when she came out, dressed in her pink-and-blue Lilo and Stitch pajamas, he set her in a chair and gently combed out her long, damp hair.
