“You can get those clothes on account,” said Clay.
“Clothes?”
“Cowboy clothes,” said Clay, smiling as he ate. “At the store. Just tell the clerk you’re an employee and he’ll fix you up with a discount. They can take it out of your pay.”
Austin nodded, concentrating on his food, on looking around him as if still trying to get his bearings.
“So how do the accounts look?” asked Clay.
When Austin looked up, it was as though Clay had startled him.
“I’m sorry,” said Austin. “Sometimes I’m in my own head so much I fail to realize that it’s polite to pay attention. Mona always said—”
“I don’t mean to be blunt,” said Clay, feeling a push of anger at the brittle way Austin said his ex-wife’s name. At the hangdog expression that sagged Austin’s shoulders. Nobody should be made to feel bad like that, and especially not someone who’d figured they’d be better off without Austin. “Though sometimes I am. Truth is, your ex isn’t here. Do you really want to keep inviting her to the ranch?”
“No.”
The answer came without thought, though the expression in Austin’s eyes seemed to indicate that he was surprised at how fast he’d said it.
“It’s an old habit, I guess,” said Austin. He pushed away his plate as if about to get up, as if the whole conversation was just too much for him. “I don’t mean to be boring about it.”
“You’re not.” Clay nodded, scrubbing at his mouth with his napkin. “Habits can be broken, if you want them to be.”
“I do, I think.”
“Well, look at it this way. If a horse has a habit you don’t like, you don’t punish it, you don’t break him. You coax him. Guide him.”
“Is this from the horse expert?” asked Austin, smiling, a tease in his eyes.
“One of ‘em,” said Clay, smiling back. “Brody is our real expert. Him and Quint. And Leland, of course.”
“I don’t know much about horses, I’m afraid.” With a small sigh, Austin returned to eating, to looking around, like he was anticipating being on the verge of discovering something new. “I guess I should learn. How to ride. How to dress.”
“Those are easy,” said Clay. “Go down to the store right after breakfast. They’ll fix you up. Then I’ll check with Leland, but I bet you can sign up for our beginner lessons. They’re not extended lessons, right? They’re just to orient you to the horse. It’s what we do for our guests. We put them on gentle horses who know they’ve got a beginner on their back.”
“You make it all sound so easy.”
“What?”
“Fitting in.”
Clay turned this over in his mind. He’d been on the ranch a whole season, and now was on his second. From the beginning, everyone he’d interacted with was in the business of ranching, of horses, of cattle, or whatever. If they weren’t, then they were guests and needed to be handled a different way.
Now here was Austin, somewhere in the middle of all of that. Not a guest. Not a ranch hand either. Yet at the same time, he seemed to be turning himself inside out, figuring where he fit in. Nothing needed to be that hard. Nothing.
“You don’t have to change who you are to do your job,” said Clay. “Though you might feel more comfortable in blue jeans and boots, it’s because of the weather, the terrain. Not because you have to become somebody else.”
Austin’s expression, with those solemn green eyes, the lines of his face, seemed to open up what he was thinking to Clay. Divorce always sounded so messy, but it seemed like the ex had left behind a trail of damage Austin was still recovering from.
At some point, Clay was going to ask about it, get Austin to talk about it, like lancing a wound. In the meantime, he was going to do what he did best, and that was making the other person feel comfortable and at home. He did it with guests, when they felt out of their elements, and he did it with guys at the bar, so they’d fuck him nice and slow and proper.
“Thank you for that,” said Austin. He shook his head as though Clay were arguing with him, and put down his silverware to gesture with his hands, like he was gathering his thoughts. “Everybody at the ranch has been very nice, though I’m still looking for a smile from Maddy.”
“You were in her office, right?” asked Clay. “That’s her territory. Don’t mess with Maddy.”
“I won’t.” Now Austin’s smile grew. “But I just wanted to say—” Austin blew out a breath, his forehead wrinkled like he had just learned something new, only he didn’t know how to prove it. “Meeting you first? Put a whole tone to everything.”
“A tone?” Clay knew what he meant, of course, but it was rather pleasant watching Austin work his way through his own words. Watching the light in his eyes become warm, watching the smile curve his mouth.
