The morning air was cool and still, as though the day was full of its own expectations, just as Jamie was, because he’d never had this happen to him. Where a strong man, a good man, swept him off his feet and offered to share himself. Feeling very much the cock-of-the-walk as he entered the quiet dining hall, at the same time, he didn’t want to make an announcement of it to anyone. Though, as they looked at him, and Clay waved him over, it was easy to see that everybody already knew.
“Wow,” said Clay as Jamie put his tray down next to Clay’s and sat down. “That was fast.”
“I lured him,” Jamie said jauntily, though that wasn’t true either. He hadn’t drawn Leland or lured him and still, just the same, they’d spent the night together. Showered together. None of this was anything he wanted to share with Clay or anyone just then, as it was still new, sifting through his brain like a gentle snowfall, melting where it touched, being absorbed, bit by bit.
“Sure you did,” said Clay, as though he could read Jamie’s mind. Jamie smiled when Clay smiled at him, enjoying his dimples and casual, confident air.
“What all needs doing today?” Jamie asked as he dug into his eggs and bacon, feeling very much the responsible man.
“Meeting at the dining hall at eight,” he said. “And probably checking the cabins are ready, carrying luggage, that kind of stuff.”
Jamie nodded and finished his breakfast, enjoying being part of the weekly rhythm of the ranch more than he had words to express. After he bussed his tray, he went out into the bright, sunshiny morning, and stood in front of the dining hall porch, wishing he’d stopped off to get his straw hat so he didn’t have to squint as he listened to Maddy and Quint as they went over the assignments for the day. And felt a bit smug because when Quint asked where Leland was, Jamie was the one who knew.
“He had to run to Chugwater for some paperwork,” Jamie said, and though his voice sounded to him like he was uncertain, everybody nodded.
“Thanks, Jamie,” Quint said. He consulted his clipboard and Maddy’s clipboard, and then announced the end of the meeting, then released them all to their work.
Jamie helped wherever he could. He ran to fetch missing trash liners for the trash cans, did a last-minute sweep of the dining hall porch, did a walk-around looking for trash. And then, finally, he waved at Leland from across the parking lot as he pulled up in front of the ranch office in a cloud of dust. Jamie watched Leland march inside with an envelope in his hand, and then come out, not smiling, shaking his head as if in dismay at the lack of communication from the Chugwater Dairy Queen.
Then the cars and busses started arriving in the gravel parking lot, and Jamie got caught up in helping guests carry their luggage, answering their questions as best he could, and though he felt like he could do more for them, the guests seemed happy to be there. Jamie watched them relax as they opened the doors to their cabins and took deep lungfuls of fresh mountain air, and considered himself lucky to have taken that bus to the middle of nowhere.
It got busy and Jamie ran errands and carried messages, fetched a bandage for a little girl who had hurt her finger, and all kinds of things, helping in the corral as guests excitedly met the horses. He threw himself into the day, sweating under his arms, and was just about worn out by the time dinner came.
He hardly saw Leland, and missed him more than he thought he would. But they had to figure out a way between the two of them to make this work and do their jobs. The job was the thing, and Jamie felt puffed up with pride that he was a working man as he ate his dinner with Clay and the others, and was a part of that. Part of the team. Part of the ranch family.
It was during a small lull in the general conversation between the ranch hands at the table that Clay leaned over to Jamie.
“Leland wants you to meet him by the barn after dinner,” he said.
“By the barn?” Jamie asked, trying to think of what else might need doing.
“Don’t forget your hat,” said Clay. “And your cowboy boots.”
“Okay,” Jamie said, somewhat mystified.
Jamie went back to his room to get his hat, then changed into a clean shirt, his fingers brushing against the black leather jacket hanging in the closet. He’d last worn it what felt like a lifetime ago. It didn’t suit him now, too snake-like, and he made a note to get rid of it or donate it.
He looked at himself in the mirror, at the reflection of himself in his hat and snap-button shirt. This was who he was now, this was who he wanted to be.
Leland had never had Jamie meet him anywhere, so as he slid on his cowboy boots, the ones with the stacked heel and pointed toes, he tried to figure it out. It was his body that finally told him as he pulled his jean cuffs over the boots and straightened up. They were going on a ride together. Leland was going to share his private time with Jamie.
Whether they would ride double, or each on their own horse, it didn’t matter, not one bit. They were going to ride together while the sun set, and share the glory of it, and add to the pile of good memories that were now so many they all blended together inside of Jamie in one big happy cloud of joy.
Briskly, he made his way down the steps of the staff quarters, and along the dirt path to the barn. There, in the glow of early evening, Leland, standing tall, waited for him. And he stopped, his whole body absorbing what he saw before him.
Leland’s head was tipped forward, his expression hidden by his hat. He had two horses saddled, a tall, bright red horse, and Dusty. Dusty was for Jamie, as he’d already ridden him, and the long legged red horse was for Leland.
As Jamie came up to Leland, he lifted his head and smiled at him, his grey-blue eyes bright beneath the brim of his hat. He’d changed his shirt to the blue one Jamie loved, and he smiled when he saw Jamie’d changed his shirt, too. It was as though they’d both gotten gussied up for a date, just like two lovebirds newly met.
These poetical thoughts whirled in Jamie’s head. Leland had given him so much, and now he’d given him poetry as well. Just by wanting to be near him, Leland had shown him his heart, and for joy it was all Jamie could do not to shout with joy. Jamie rushed up to Leland and hugged him tight and pressed his cheek against Leland’s heart.
“Thank you for asking me,” Jamie said into the folds of Leland’s shirt. “Thank you.”
“Nobody else, Jamie,” Leland said. He ducked down and took off Jamie’s hat and kissed the top of his head, then replaced the hat as though to seal the kiss in. “Some days, I’ll still like to go by my lonesome, so I hope that’s okay. But sometimes, it’ll be you and me.”
“Ofcourseit’s okay,” Jamie said stoutly, digging his chin into Leland’s chest as he looked up at him. “Wouldn’t want to be attached at the hip like that anyhow.”
Truth was, Jamie had never wanted to be attached to anyone as much as he wanted to be attached to Leland, but this was who he was. Leland was a guy who liked to go riding by himself and have his thoughts, and Jamie needed to let him.
