“This is expired, young man,” she said, her tone derisive.
“He works for me, at Farthingdale Ranch,” said Leland, as calmly as he could. It was easy to see she would have turned Jamie away, for sure, had Leland not been there. “He needs a new driver’s license. Please make it happen.”
The clerk must have known Leland would not stand for any nonsense or delay, for she processed Jamie’s paperwork right away. Jamie looked handsome in his blue chambray shirt, and a little pleased, a smile playing around his eyes when she took his picture.
Leland wanted to ask her for a copy of the picture that he could keep for himself and moon over in his own time, long after Jamie was gone. Helping Jamie with this, and with the bank account, was going to make it easier for Jamie to leave, but it was important he be able to do what he wanted, important that he not feel beholden to the ranch or that he was stuck there with no way out.
Jamie tucked his crisp new driver’s license in his beat-up canvas wallet, and even though Leland wanted to take him shopping to get a new leather one, he resisted the impulse. It was one thing supplying Jamie with boots and gear, courtesy of the ranch, but there was no way Leland wanted Jamie to feel beholden tohim.
After that was done, Leland drove them both to the small local bank. Standing nearby, he watched as Jamie filled out the paperwork and handed over a fistful of money that he pulled from his pocket and laid on the counter. As the bank teller counted out the bills, it didn’t look like Jamie had spent any of it.
“You can access that money from anywhere, now,” Leland said, pleased as Jamie flashed him his new debit card before stuffing that in his old wallet, as well.
“Yes, thank you,” said Jamie. It looked like he wanted to say something after that, but he only shook his head, and together they got into the truck in the nearly empty parking lot.
For a moment, they sat there, even as Leland started the truck and let it idle. The windows were open, and a pleasant breeze was coming through the truck cab, stirring Jamie’s hair, the warm air bringing a flush to his cheeks.
“Should we get some lunch?” Leland asked, keeping his hands on his own thighs rather than reaching out for Jamie.
“Shouldn’t we get back?” Jamie asked. “Won’t they miss us?”
“They know where we’ve gone,” Leland said. And then waited as they both sat there, doing his best to figure out what to say to make this right. To ask without asking if Jamie would stay, rather than leave. Or maybe he should ask, say it right out loud.
In the silence that fell between them, Jamie took a breath, long and slow, like he was gearing himself up for something big.
“I wouldn’t have told anyone,” Jamie said, almost whispering. “About us. Not a word.”
“I never made you promise that,” Leland said as softly as he could, heartbroken that Jamie would think that was the problem. “Besides, they all know anyhow, as I wasn’t very discrete. I should have taken more care. With you, I mean.”
“But you took care,goodcare, of me.” Jamie turned to look at Leland, his green eyes big and shining, his dark curly hair tumbling around his head in the soft breeze that came through the open truck windows. “You taught me so many things. I never felt more cared for than when I was with you.”
“You gave me—” Leland had to stop, his heart aching at the thought that he’d hurt Jamie, that Jamie felt this way and still thought good things about Leland, even though Leland had treated him badly. “You gave me everything. Showed me a way to look at the ranch, at my life, with new eyes.” Leland’s eyes grew hot, and he curled and uncurled his fingers against his bejeaned thighs just to keep himself from reaching out for Jamie.
“Then why did you want me to go?” asked Jamie, his chin up like he expected Leland would deliver the very worst news in the world. “It’s like you didn’t want me anymore after you had what you wanted.”
Jamie’s words stung all the more because they weren’t true. He hadn’t planned what had happened, but he’d hurt Jamie, and it was his fault, all of this. He deserved to know that the pain in Jamie’s eyes, the tears that were about to fall, were his fault. His and his alone.
Clay had said to pull that stick out of his ass and, upon occasion, definitely more than once, Bill had said the same thing. Leland wanted to do that, very much so. His thoughts, tender and gentle, about taking Jamie to get his driver’s license so he could get a bank account so he could access his money from wherever he went, had led them to this moment. Where they were sitting inside the hot cab of a shiny truck, the sun glinting off the chrome fittings, each looking at the other, neither of saying what was in their hearts.
There were things he wanted to say, needed to say. And, by the look of him, Jamie did, too. One of them had to go first. It had to be Leland.
“I shouldn’t have come on to you like I did,” Leland said, leaning forward, his arms on the steering wheel, fingers laced together like he was about to confess to a priest. “But you drew me—”
“You drewme,” said Jamie, the words hard for all he looked so vulnerable, hair tumbling around his temples. “But you’re making it sound like it was my fault, when you’re the one who kept coming by. You’re the one who asked me to go deliver salt blocks with you, and you’re the one who asked me to paint John Henton’s cabin with you. You’re the one who asked me todance. Why would you do that if you didn’t like me?”
Leland could hear the bitter sorrow in those questions, see the tender quiver of Jamie’s lower lip.
“You asked me to your cabin,” said Jamie, almost whispering, as though it was a secret between them. “And you—andwe—” He stopped to take a breath. “I’ve never been in love with anybody before, but I guess even I would know better than to lead someone on like that.”
“I didn’t lead you on.” Leland’s chest caved in at the sound of those words, at what Jamie felt. That Jamielovedhim. He leaned back and, glancing over at Jamie, drew his thumb along his mouth, remembering the feel of his mouth, the sweetness between them. “I would never do that, but I didn’t want you on the ranch, to start with.”
“No, you sure didn’t.” Jamie’s eyes snapped dark green as he pushed the tumble of hair away from his face.
“But once you were there, it was as though—” Leland paused. He was saying everything wrong when he needed to make everything right. He took a deep breath, summoning up his courage as he kept in the very forefront of his mind how it felt to be with Jamie. “I always have looked at the ranch as being a special place. You looked around you like you were seeing it the same way I did. Then you started fitting into all those empty places I hadn’t known were empty. That’s why I asked you to run errands with me. That’s why I asked you to dance.”
“You can’t just do what you want, even if you are the boss,” Jamie said, his face flushed.
“That was exactly the problem,” Leland said quickly. “Or at least as I saw it. Only it isn’t a problem. Not if I—not ifwedon’t want it to be.”
