With a wave, Leland turned Travelle and clucked to her.
“Hold tight,” he said to Jamie, who was clinging to him even tighter as Travelle gathered her long legs beneath her.
She burst into a canter, and settled into a smooth rocking motion, nice as you please, and away they went with a flick of her tail, lovely in the low light of early sunset. Nobody knew that he clasped Jamie’s hand in his, to hold him close and keep him safe, but nobody needed to know. Just Jamie and him.
19
Jamie
Half dizzy by the time they got back to the barn, Jamie slid down from the saddle, his thighs wobbling beneath him. His hand still tingled from when Leland had held it. It might have been his imagination that Leland’s hand lingered for a good long while as he helped Jamie down from the horse, and that his fingers curled around Jamie’s wrist in a kind of embrace before letting go. But maybe he didn’t imagine it.
Jamie opened his mouth as he took off his hat in the cool shade of the barn. He wanted to say something to Leland. To thank him for the ride, the job, for everything. And he wanted to say more than that, only he didn’t know what he wanted to say, really, or how to say it.
And then, of course, Brody came in to take care of the horse, and when Leland got off the mare, he and Brody talked about the saddle, and the condition of her coat, and how smoothly she cantered. How they should make a special note in her chart that she should be reserved for the shyest of riders, the ones who needed extra coddling. And how Brody was right, that Travelle would be perfect for Dorothy.
By the time they were alone again, all of the words in his heart, the jumpy, excited feelings, had stepped back to be replaced with practicalities. Leland was the foreman of the ranch, and Jamie knew it. He was just being nice to Jamie, making up for their first meeting, when he’d dismissed Jamie from the ranch with barely a second thought. They could be friends, maybe, but nothing more, and Jamie knew it.
“Thank you, that was fun,” he said, rubbing the inside of his sore thighs, stopping when he realized what he was doing, how it might look.
“We’ll start your lessons soon as we can,” said Leland. He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his fair hair, and as he put the hat back on, seemed to consider the matter with his usual seriousness. “Possibly starting Sunday, so we’ll need to get you some cowboy boots, as you can’t ride in those.”
Jamie looked where Leland was pointing, which was at his still-new boots. They were on their way to getting broken in, and there was already a neatsfoot oil stain on the toe of the left one. Then Jamie looked at Leland’s boots, proper riding boots, western boots, with pointed toes and a stacked heel. He could hardly believe he would get a pair.
“Those are pretty expensive, huh?” Jamie asked, thinking of how long it would take before he could pay them off.
“Actually, guests sometimes leave boots behind,” Leland said. “Remember? We have a lost-and-left behind box in the storeroom next to my office. We can find a pair that fits you. How does that sound?”
While Jamie would have liked brand new boots, it was better this way because he wouldn’t owe the ranch any money. But he was disappointed, too, that they were talking about such practical matters, when all the while, he wanted to share what was inside of him. He wanted to share feelings he didn’t quite understand, but that felt good and sweet and powerful, lingering just beneath the surface of his skin.
“Well, goodnight, Jamie,” Leland said, touching his fingers to his hat. “See you in the morning.”
With that, he left, striding out of the barn as though he had someplace to be, and maybe he might have. All Jamie knew was that he was alone with his thoughts and jumbled feelings. His legs ached, and his heart felt a little empty, and while he knew what to do about the first, he did not know what to do with the second.
A month ago, even a week ago, he would have stuffed his things in his green duffle bag and hightailed it out of there, looking for new horizons, promising himself that one day he would stop and put down roots. He would not do that now, though. He wanted to stick around and try his hardest to either come to terms with how he felt about Leland or get over him and find someone else.
There was probably a rule about employees hooking up with other employees, and probably one about bosses and workers—which explained a whole lot, now that he thought about it. Even if Leland liked him, and maybe even felt stronger than that, there was no way he was going to break a rule. Not for Jamie. But they could be friends, right? Even that would be better than nothing.
Jamie walked out of the barn, his knees quivering, and nodded at other members of staff who were on the path, finishing up evening errands, helping to pick up trash or whatever. But nobody asked Jamie to help, so he climbed the steps to his room and took off his straw hat and placed it carefully on the dresser.
He stripped to the skin and stepped into the hottest shower the plumbing would give him.
He knew he should never want what he absolutely couldn’t ever have. Hope had not been a part of his life for a good long while, and he should have known better than to invite it to stay. Now he needed to get rid of it so he could keep everything else he’d been given.
He had a good job, his own room, and horse riding lessons coming his way. Leland probably wouldn’t be the one to teach him, but he’d check in on Jamie, that was for certain. At the very least, Leland would get reports from whoever taught Jamie, and he’d have conversations about him, be thinking about him.
It was foolish to consider all of this and not be happy he was getting that much, not when it was so easy to see how it might be if there was more between them.
As the water flowed, hot and fast, he reached down between his legs and did what he could to get that sense of longing out of his system, out of his heart. And came in his hand, feeling lonelier than ever.
The night was warm, so he slept in his skin, on top of the bed with the sheets and blanket folded back. From the open windows came a slight breeze that cooled his skin and eased him into sleep. And in the morning, everything looked a little better, a little brighter. He showered and shaved, had breakfast, and was in front of the barn for the morning’s meeting before Leland and pretty much everyone else.
Leland and Maddy went over everything for the day, the current fire danger status, the chance for rain, and that Leland wanted everyone at the fire pit come sundown to join the guests at the ranch for the singalong, and to be sure to be upbeat about it, even if they couldn’t sing.
“Like me,” said Leland.
Everybody laughed at that, and though Leland was blushing a little, he didn’t seem to mind the teasing.
“Now, I’ve got a painting project today,” said Leland, holding up Maddy’s clipboard. “I need someone to help me paint the newly built cabin.”
